Aussie joke thread

I like the comment by a reader below the article

"...this has to be the dumbest story I've ever read on the smh...and it's had some serious competition before.
Alt headline - "Guy plays broom-brooms and is judged competent by nitwits"."

 

ridiculous.

 

guy should have sued her for being a bad root

 

" Jesus loves you"

A lovely thing to hear in church

A horrific thing to hear in a Mexican prison

 

Is that where BlackJag is????

 

I think "yes"
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Now he's back, I think that BJ has done a great job and taken one for the good of Australia....
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There's an old couple, both in their 70's, on a sentimental holiday back to the place where they first met. They're sitting in a pub and he says to her, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the barn. You leaned against the fence and I made love to you from behind."

"Yes, she says, I remember it well." she replies.

"OK, he says, How about taking a stroll round there again and we can do it for old times sake?"

Smiling his wife responds, "Oh Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea, she answers."

There's a man sitting at the next table listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, I've got to see this, two old timers having sex against a fence. So he follows them.

They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks. Finally they get to the back of the barn and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and hangs on to the fence and the old man moves in. Suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex the watching man has ever seen. They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds. This goes on for about forty minutes. She's yelling Ohhh God! He's hanging on to her hips for dear life.

This is the most athletic sex imaginable. Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground. The guy watching is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know. He starts to think about his own aged parents and wonders whether they still have sex like this.

After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The guy, still watching thinks, That was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is.

As the couple pass, the guy says to them, "That was something else, you must have been shagging for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? Is there some sort of secret?"

"No, there's no secret, the old man says, except fifty years ago that ****ing fence wasn't electrified.".

 

That was good.

 

Joke Hall of Fame greatness, is what it is.

 

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sbF-4LOOC5c[/ame]

 

I've never heard of this woman before. she's pretty funny.

[ame]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQFl4a0xiBE&[/ame]

 

Ditto PP!

 

Reminds me of BJ
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Will this do?
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Jeez Murray,you've hit a new height of lows.

 

Who cares

http://thehoopla.com.au/told-g-spot/

 

real men don't

 

A koala bear was walking in King’s Cross, and he decides to jump in a cab to go somewhere. He flags one down, and as he’s about to get into it, a gorgeous woman reaches for the door also. They decide to share it since they’re going the same direction, and off they went. They end up in some bar, and after many drinks and propositioning, they head to a hotel where they make wild passionate love all night. After they're done and the koala gets ready to go, the woman says,”Ok, that will cost $50”. The koala, with a confused look on his face, says “what do you mean?” The woman says, “Well, we just had sex, and when I do that with someone, I charge them $50.” The koala, still confused, says “I do this all the time and it never costs any money. Why should I pay now?” The woman, now getting more and more upset, says, “Look. I’m a prostitute, and if you look up prostitute in the dictionary, it says ‘has sex for money’.” After a pause, the koala says, “Yeah, but if you look up koala in the dictionary, it says “eats bushes and leaves”.

 

Eerrr,not quite Brian,sorry.

It's:'eats roots and leaves'

..but your mindset is in the right place.

 

Sorry...I don't get it. Can you give a detailed explanation?

 

Wow, people aren't getting this over there. I understand that koala's may eat roots and leaves, but women don't have roots, and as far as the prostitute is concerned, he ate the bush and left. Did I explain better? I worked real hard for that one. I had to do some research to make it a local joke. Oh well. As Johnny Carson used to say, Bomb-o!

 

geez man...I was kidding...we got it!

 

good joke, had a chuckle, but too much foreplay, should have jump straight into the sex bit LOL

 

Poor Jyn