Aussie joke thread | Page 69 | FerrariChat

Aussie joke thread

Discussion in 'Australia' started by stephens, Oct 17, 2005.

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Page 69 of 371
  1. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    FFS! :)
     
    Aircon, May 28, 2012
    #1701
  2. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    Just call me Robert. ;)
     
    Horse, May 28, 2012
    #1702
  3. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    Courtesy of Gleggy...


    The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

    Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success." "Very good," said the teacher.

    Little Mary was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events. "Very good, Mary" said the teacher.

    Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said. "$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

    "Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

    "Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

    "I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny. "I set up a Dip & Chip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample." They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog ****!" Then I would say, It is dog ****. Wanna' buy a toothbrush?" "I used the Gillard approach of giving you something ****ty for free, and then making you pay to get the taste out of your mouth."
     
    Horse, May 29, 2012
    #1703
  4. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    Last edited: May 29, 2012
    FazzerPorscheman, May 29, 2012
    #1704
  5. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, May 31, 2012
    #1705
  6. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, May 31, 2012
    #1706
  7. sallycarrera

    sallycarrera Karting

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    My pet rabbit died yesterday...




    Now he's just some bunny that I used to know...
     
    sallycarrera, Jun 1, 2012
    #1707
  8. alexm

    alexm F1 Veteran

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    alexm, Jun 1, 2012
    #1708
  9. alexm

    alexm F1 Veteran

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    alexm, Jun 1, 2012
    #1709
  10. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    He's always loved a discreet back entrance. So does Pap.
     
    Aircon, Jun 1, 2012
    #1710
  11. PAP 348

    PAP 348 Ten Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    PAP 348, Jun 1, 2012
    #1711
  12. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

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    moretti, Jun 1, 2012
    #1712
  13. alexm

    alexm F1 Veteran

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    It's beyond disgraceful - you only have to see the continuing negligent/incompetent low standards applied to obtaining a driver's licence to know when officials quote "safety" in the same breath as new camera declarations you are listening to a gross hypocrite.

    I couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry when the fatal truck crash in Urunga was quoted as part of reason to re-activate and install new cameras.. when in fact that crash was a very drunk car driver who swerved into the truck's path .. "speed" wasn't even a tiny factor at all .. it just got lumped into the whole spiel as if it was a given and these cameras are all about "safety".. there's not a jot of honesty or integrity or competence in any of their utterings on this topic .. typical of our current day pollies however.
     
    alexm, Jun 1, 2012
    #1713
  14. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    FazzerPorscheman, Jun 1, 2012
    #1714
  15. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    FazzerPorscheman, Jun 3, 2012
    #1715
  16. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    Aircon, Jun 3, 2012
    #1716
  17. I16

    I16 Formula 3

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    I16, Jun 3, 2012
    #1717
  18. sallycarrera

    sallycarrera Karting

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    I'd hate to be a dragon

    I'd get so angry trying to blow out my birthday candles
     
    sallycarrera, Jun 4, 2012
    #1718
  19. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    Oh no!
     
    FazzerPorscheman, Jun 4, 2012
    #1719
  20. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    So, what's an "Angry Dragon"?

    ;)
     
    Horse, Jun 4, 2012
    #1720
  21. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

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    FazzerPorscheman, Jun 4, 2012
    #1721
  22. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    Horse, Jun 4, 2012
    #1722
  23. kena

    kena Formula 3

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    ''There are very few countries, if any … which actually give warnings,'' he said of mobile cameras. ''Those of our members who do speed from time to time want to make sure there is no entrapment.' (from JM's link)
    Got to love the NRMA spokesperson.I guess he hasn't seen the unmarked grey Commondore Ute working the F3 when he talks of entrapment.
     
    kena, Jun 5, 2012
    #1723
  24. wang

    wang Formula 3

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    Two well-dressed ladies happened to start-up a conversation during an endless wait in Brisbane Airport Terminal. The first lady was an arrogant Victorian married to a wealthy businessman. The second was a well-mannered elderly woman from Mount Isa, Queensland.

    After a little while, the*Victorian woman started by saying, "When my first child *was born, my husband built a beautiful mansion for me."

    The lady from Mount Isa commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman continued, "When my second child was born, my husband bought me a beautiful Mercedes-Benz."

    Again, the lady from Mount Isa commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman went on, "Then, when my third child was born, my husband bought me this exquisite diamond bracelet."

    Yet again, the Mount Isa lady commented, "Well, isn't that precious?"

    The first woman then asked, "What did your husband buy for you when you had your first child?"

    “My husband sent me to charm school," declared the Mount Isa lady.

    "Charm school?" the first woman cried, "Oh, my Lord! What could they teach you??"

    The Mount Isa lady responded, "Well as an example... instead of saying, "Who gives a ****?", I learned to say, "Well, isn't that precious?"
     
    wang, Jun 7, 2012
    #1724
  25. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

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    I use to work for your dad, Dr An Wang :p
     
    moretti, Jun 7, 2012
    #1725
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