Aussie joke thread

sounds about right .... have you seen Beckham's hair-dos ?

Blonde one minute, shaved the next, werid the next .... hey, wait a minute, who do we know that does that ??!!

Yep, Beckham's gay

 

oh stop it!

 

Lol

 

OLIO
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You are such a Devo.

 

Look what time you posted that!

It's a sign.

 

Cue Twilight Music.

 

A young man was showing off his Ferrai convertible to his girlfriend. She was thrilled at the Ferrari's speed.

"If I do 200mph, will you take off your clothes?" he asked.

"Yes!" said his adventurous girlfriend.

And as he gets up to 200mph, she peeled off all her clothes.

Unable to keep his eyes on the road, the car skidded onto some gravel and flipped over. The naked girl was thrown clear, but he was jammed beneath the steering wheel.

"Go and get help!" he cried.

"But I can't. I'm naked and my clothes are gone!"

"Take my shoe", he said, "and cover yourself."

Holding the shoe over her pubes, the girl ran down the road and found a service station. Still holding the shoe between her legs, she pleaded to the service station proprietor, "Please help me! My boyfriend's stuck!"

The proprietor looked at the shoe and said, "There's nothing I can do...he's in too far."

 

Really bad Wesley.

 

Well, how about this then.



A married couple is on holiday in Pakistan. They're touring around
the market place looking at the goods and such, when they pass this
small sandal shop.

From inside they hear a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "you,
foreigners! come in, come into my humble shop. salam a leekem! (hello)
So the married couple walks in.

The Pakistani man says to them, "I have some special sandals I think
you'd be interested in. They'll make you wild at sex like a great desert
camel."

Well, the wife after hearing this is really interested in buying the
sandals, but her husband feels he really doesn't need them, being the
Sex God that he is.

The husband asks the man, "How can sandals make you into a sex freak".

The Pakistani man replies, "Just try them on."

Well, the husband after much badgering from his wife, finally concedes
to try them on. The husband slips them on and gets this wild look in his
eyes, something his wife has not seen in many years, raw sexual power.

In a blink of the eye, the husband rushes the Pakistani man, throws
him on a table and starts tearing at the guys pants.

The whole time the Pakistani is screaming, "You've got them on the
wrong feet!"

 

Fixed it for you.

 

Thank you.

 

I promise I have no idea who this guy is, but a mate sent me this. It was posted on another forum by someone called "FL430"

As I said, I don't know who he is, but I like the way he thinks! (sorry about the swearig)

"I have been looking at threads on this forum for a long time, and I can't help but to notice FerrariFixer's arrogant and 'superior-like' attitude towards everybody else here.

FerrariFixer/Phil, firstly your arguemeant is flawed but let me just start off saying...shut the **** up, you are the biggest possible wanker in this ****ing forum, nobody here likes you I know a few forum members in real life who tell me what a wank you are. You are quite sad for picking arguments over stupid ****, especially given the fact that you're not a teen but your a grown ass man talking ****, which kinda makes me laugh. You're purely an arrogant ****. At least to back that up you could be good with your work, being a mechanic, and not owning exotics but dreaming and fixing other people's **** up, which you "love" doing and as friends of mine have witnessed you taking other peoples Car out for joy rides. But then there you are wrong, as you are **** at that profession as I know of (personally) people who have complained about your work and your ****ty customer service....one of the many examples here: http://www.pless.com.au/mechanics.htm

All you do is exacerbate the situation with your flawed arguments, you're just a stubborn ****. Nobody honestly has said anything to you but many would thank me to say this to you. And one more thing I wouldn't dig myself into a deeper hole as you are making your **** reputation ****ter and as we all know where the workshop is in Melbourne and where your daddy's workshop is near London, I don't know how many daddy's you have but the one that admits your IQ being low therefore insinuating your a dumb **** intellectually, which you are being a mechanic...but judging from attitude you will respond to this message in an essay which I won't be bothered to read as I will never use this account again. Just shut the **** up and give others a chance to say something you arrogant bastard. Stop thinking you are better and smarter than everybody else here."

and then........

"Your statements are hypocritical Ash as I just read the previous comments of this thread about the user 'KV'...Using him as an example, you banned him for nothing and as I remember he contributed well with knowledge but this ferrarifixer is the complete wank package and gets away with talking **** to everybody and simultaneously being an arrogant ****."

Phil's latest claim is that he had witnesses regarding the oil leak and humiliated me in front of my friends. Interesting turn of events hey? He certainly didn't make those claims at the time. Looks like he just makes stuff up..........again. LOL

 

Can someone fill in the stars **** in Aircons last post..........

 

invite him to a GP dinner with us, I'm sure we'd get on like a house on fire

 

well that just proves he makes stuff up.









everybody knows you don't have any friends.

 

Further proof!

 

how cruel

 

and another one..............
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You can't say that.

 

Why not?

 

Horse misbehaving again.
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Yeah, I remember that *****.

 

Hang your head in shame Horse, you should be ashamed of yourself.

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I think you mean cat