Aussie joke thread | Page 154 | FerrariChat

Aussie joke thread

Discussion in 'Australia' started by stephens, Oct 17, 2005.

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, Skimlinks, and others.

Page 154 of 371
  1. gurslo

    gurslo Formula 3

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2008
    Messages:
    1,524
    Location:
    Connecticut
    Full Name:
    Peter
    This would be better if the author didn't hold back and let them know how he felt.:)

     
    gurslo, Feb 25, 2014
    #3826
  2. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Daddy Peter?
     
    Aircon, Feb 25, 2014
    #3827
  3. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2003
    Messages:
    59,756
    Location:
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    I use to work with a guy who was a hacker for fun, then he left the company and went out on his own selling his "services" to banks with the disclaimer that no matter what he did they couldn't prosecute him ........... he would have been the last person I would have trusted breaking into my bank :eek:
     
    moretti, Feb 25, 2014
    #3828
  4. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Aircon, Feb 25, 2014
    #3829
  5. VIZSLA

    VIZSLA Four Time F1 World Champ Owner

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2008
    Messages:
    41,693
    Location:
    Sarasota
    Full Name:
    David
    VIZSLA, Feb 25, 2014
    #3830
  6. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2003
    Messages:
    59,756
    Location:
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    moretti, Feb 25, 2014
    #3831
  7. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Feb 25, 2014
    #3832
  8. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2003
    Messages:
    59,756
    Location:
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    oh come on, Charlotte's a lot better looking than that :)
     
    moretti, Feb 25, 2014
    #3833
  9. simon klein

    simon klein Two Time F1 World Champ Owner

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2009
    Messages:
    29,934
    Location:
    North Qld
    Full Name:
    simon klein
    That used to be my local racetrack,BHR,not the boat.
     
    simon klein, Feb 25, 2014
    #3834
  10. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Feb 27, 2014
    #3835
  11. wrxmike

    wrxmike Moderator Moderator Owner

    Joined:
    Mar 20, 2004
    Messages:
    7,676
    Full Name:
    Mike
    A young jackaroo from outback Queensland goes off to university, but halfway through the semester he has squandered all of his money.

    He calls home.

    'Dad,' he says, 'you won't believe what modern education is developing...they actually have a program here in Brisbane that will teach our dog Ol' Blue how to talk.'

    'That's amazing!' his Dad says. 'How do I get Ol' Blue in that program?'

    'Just send him down here with $2,000,' the young jackaroo says, 'I'll get him in the course.'

    So his father sends the dog and $2,000.

    About two-thirds through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.

    'So how's Ol' Blue doing, son?' his father wants to know.

    'Awesome! Dad, he's talking up a storm... But you just won't believe this. They've had such good results with talking, they've begun to teach the animals how to read.'

    'Read?' exclaims his father. 'No kidding! How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?'

    'Just send $4,500. I'll get him in the class.'

    The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
    At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk nor read.

    So he shoots the dog.

    When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

    'Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to talk with him, and see him read something!'

    'Dad,' the boy says, 'I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal.

    Then he suddenly turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still bonking that little redhead barmaid at the pub?'''

    The father groans and whispers, 'I hope you shot that bastard before he talks to your Mother!'

    'I sure did, Dad!'

    'That's my boy!'

    The kid went on to be a successful lawyer with Slater and Gordon.
     
    wrxmike, Feb 27, 2014
    #3836
  12. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2010
    Messages:
    15,291
    Location:
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
    Very good. :)
     
    FazzerPorscheman, Feb 27, 2014
    #3837
  13. kerrari

    kerrari Two Time F1 World Champ

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2004
    Messages:
    24,054
    Location:
    Coolum Beach AUSTRALIA
    Full Name:
    Karen H.
    Classic!
     
    kerrari, Feb 27, 2014
    #3838
  14. Nereus

    Nereus Rookie

    Joined:
    Dec 18, 2010
    Messages:
    44
    Location:
    Tasmania
    There was a "solution" to this problem called the "Australia Card"; can't remember why now it didn't get up, as the advantages are clear to all!
     
    Nereus, Feb 27, 2014
    #3839
  15. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Feb 27, 2014
    #3840
  16. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2003
    Messages:
    59,756
    Location:
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    Didn't the electric cord running out the door give her a hint :p
     
    moretti, Feb 27, 2014
    #3841
  17. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Feb 28, 2014
    #3842
  18. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    Aircon, Feb 28, 2014
    #3843
  19. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 World Champ

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2010
    Messages:
    15,291
    Location:
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    FazzerPorscheman, Mar 3, 2014
    #3844
  20. greg246

    greg246 Two Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2004
    Messages:
    26,741

    OLIO
     
    greg246, Mar 3, 2014
    #3845
  21. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2003
    Messages:
    59,756
    Location:
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    it reflects badly on the producer of the magazine :p
     
    moretti, Mar 3, 2014
    #3846
  22. Aircon

    Aircon Ten Time F1 World Champ BANNED

    Joined:
    Jun 23, 2003
    Messages:
    100,524
    Location:
    Melbourne, Australia
    Full Name:
    Peter
    Here we go again.
     
    Aircon, Mar 3, 2014
    #3847
  23. moretti

    moretti Five Time F1 World Champ Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2003
    Messages:
    59,756
    Location:
    Australia
    Full Name:
    John
    you mean they use that magazine for toilet paper ?? :confused:
     
    moretti, Mar 3, 2014
    #3848
  24. kena

    kena Formula 3

    Joined:
    May 20, 2007
    Messages:
    1,607
    Location:
    Salt Ash
    Full Name:
    Ken Abrahams
    " It's only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles

    that you realise that there is always a way to solve

    problems without resorting to violence. "
     
    kena, Mar 5, 2014
    #3849
  25. Horse

    Horse Three Time F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

    Joined:
    Dec 1, 2005
    Messages:
    35,425
    Location:
    Brisvegas
    Full Name:
    Jon
    Time to get dressed now Ken!

    ;)
     
    Horse, Mar 5, 2014
    #3850
Page 154 of 371

Share This Page