Aussie Aircraft Thread

moretti · Oct 27, 2020

jmillard308 said: ↑

Kulula is a low-cost South African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously....

the signage on its aircraft reads "THIS WAY UP"

View attachment 3027703

What a pity Kulula doesn't fly internationally - we should support them if only for their humour:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want), passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing their seats, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies & gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally, everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
Click to expand...

Brilliant

knocker · Oct 27, 2020

jmillard308 said: ↑

Kulula is a low-cost South African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously....

the signage on its aircraft reads "THIS WAY UP"

View attachment 3027703

What a pity Kulula doesn't fly internationally - we should support them if only for their humour:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want), passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing their seats, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies & gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally, everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
Click to expand...

Fantastic read, thanks for the laughs [emoji23]

simon klein · Oct 29, 2020

jmillard308 said: ↑

Kulula is a low-cost South African airline that doesn't take itself too seriously....

the signage on its aircraft reads "THIS WAY UP"

View attachment 3027703

What a pity Kulula doesn't fly internationally - we should support them if only for their humour:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want), passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing their seats, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people, we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies & gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."

And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo, a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as heck everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee: "Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."

"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seat cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane"

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport, a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."

Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town: The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment.
Finally, everyone had got off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said, "Did we land, or were we shot down?"
Click to expand...

Ryan air are a bit similar....

Maranello550 · Nov 7, 2020

Wellcamp CTAF just west of Towoomba yesterday. Gorgeous day for a quick stop back home... Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login

Maranello550 · Nov 7, 2020

Converted passenger 777 into Sydney...How times have changed... Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login

moretti · Nov 7, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

Wellcamp CTAF just west of Towoomba yesterday. Gorgeous day for a quick stop back home... View attachment 3033650 View attachment 3033651 View attachment 3033652 View attachment 3033653 View attachment 3033654
Click to expand...

Hey !!

I was there a few days ago .... if ya had told me I'd have waited to say hi

Maranello550 · Nov 7, 2020

moretti said: ↑

Hey !!

I was there a few days ago .... if ya had told me I'd have waited to say hi
Click to expand...

Would have loved to see you again JM...

moretti · Nov 7, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

Converted passenger 777 into Sydney...How times have changed... View attachment 3033655 View attachment 3033656 View attachment 3033657 View attachment 3033658 View attachment 3033659 View attachment 3033660 View attachment 3033661 View attachment 3033662 View attachment 3033655 View attachment 3033656 View attachment 3033657 View attachment 3033658 View attachment 3033659 View attachment 3033660 View attachment 3033661 View attachment 3033662 View attachment 3033655 View attachment 3033656 View attachment 3033657 View attachment 3033658 View attachment 3033659 View attachment 3033660 View attachment 3033661 View attachment 3033662
Click to expand...

Looks like one of the boys is watching porn

Maranello550 · Nov 7, 2020

moretti said: ↑

Looks like one of the boys is watching porn
Click to expand...

Not on our aircraft...Only Fchat...Poor PP...

Maranello550 · Nov 7, 2020

Spotted this at Wellcamp.. Image Unavailable, Please Login Image Unavailable, Please Login

Steve355F1 · Nov 7, 2020

moretti said: ↑

Looks like one of the boys is watching porn
Click to expand...

Four times!

Maranello550 · Nov 7, 2020

Steve355F1 said: ↑

Four times!
Click to expand...

Yeah have no idea what happened there?...

kerrari · Nov 7, 2020

You should be pleased - so much more room for large Ferrari parts!
Wellcamp has been an amazing success story for Toowoomba (and the Wagners). Local Sunshine Coast airport (MCY)is trying to do something similar with the new E-W runway to get produce out of the area around here; apparently BNE fresh freight handling is beyond capacity and avoiding the highway between here and Bris is a major bonus.

kerrari · Nov 7, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

Spotted this at Wellcamp.. View attachment 3033675 View attachment 3033676
Click to expand...

There is a bit of a Kiribati community in T’ba. Curious coincidence, the husband of one island lady (I met them through friends years ago) built a scaled down replica of a Spitfire in his garage. Can’t remember what the engine was (automotive).

Maranello550 · Nov 7, 2020

kerrari said: ↑

You should be pleased - so much more room for large Ferrari parts!
Wellcamp has been an amazing success story for Toowoomba (and the Wagners). Local Sunshine Coast airport (MCY)is trying to do something similar with the new E-W runway to get produce out of the area around here; apparently BNE fresh freight handling is beyond capacity and avoiding the highway between here and Bris is a major bonus.
Click to expand...

Yeah it’s a great setup Karen..We’ve got a 777 and 747 service through there weekly full to the gunnels with fresh produce for Honkers...

kerrari · Nov 7, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

Yeah it’s a great setup Karen..We’ve got a 777 and 747 service through there weekly full to the gunnels with fresh produce for Honkers...
Click to expand...

Hope our version works as well... don’t even know who’s behind it; the second runway was very controversial and pushed on the basis of tourism and I only found out the truth about the freight stuff from somebody involved with the development of big storage / shipping warehouses in the industrial estate near here. I couldn’t figure out how come our little industrial estate was suddenly looking like Kwai Chung!

Arvin Grajau · Nov 8, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

Converted passenger 777 into Sydney...How times have changed... View attachment 3033655 View attachment 3033656 View attachment 3033657 View attachment 3033658 View attachment 3033659 View attachment 3033660 View attachment 3033661 View attachment 3033662 View attachment 3033655 View attachment 3033656 View attachment 3033657 View attachment 3033658 View attachment 3033659 View attachment 3033660 View attachment 3033661 View attachment 3033662 View attachment 3033655 View attachment 3033656 View attachment 3033657 View attachment 3033658 View attachment 3033659 View attachment 3033660 View attachment 3033661 View attachment 3033662
Click to expand...

If you ever do the Melbourne run from that side of the continent ....you will go right over my home as do the CP 747 cargos ....wave .

Maranello550 · Nov 8, 2020

Arvin Grajau said: ↑

If you ever do the Melbourne run from that side of the continent ....you will go right over my home as do the CP 747 cargos ....wave .
Click to expand...

Next month you will see us on the way back from Hobart...

Arvin Grajau · Nov 8, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

Next month you will see us on the way back from Hobart...
Click to expand...

OK let me know the day ,I'll watch you on 24 hour flight tracker and be waving like f..... crazy.
Image Unavailable, Please Login

Maranello550 · Nov 8, 2020

Arvin Grajau said: ↑

OK let me know the day ,I'll watch you on 24 hour flight tracker and be waving like f..... crazy.
View attachment 3034123
Click to expand...

Jeezus...How often do you replace cracked roof tiles....

Arvin Grajau · Nov 8, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

Jeezus...How often do you replace cracked roof tiles....
Click to expand...

Not one of my better investments ,worth 50% of what I paid for it 25 years ago.

Roof tiles , no longer there replaced with tin sheeting .

Steve355F1 · Nov 8, 2020

Arvin Grajau said: ↑

OK let me know the day ,I'll watch you on 24 hour flight tracker and be waving like f..... crazy.
View attachment 3034123
Click to expand...

Very “The Castle”.

Ah, the serenity.

Maranello550 · Nov 8, 2020

Steve355F1 said: ↑

Very “The Castle”.

Ah, the serenity.
Click to expand...

OLIO...Now I want to see the jousting sticks next to the Lebbo clock...

Arvin Grajau · Nov 8, 2020

Maranello550 said: ↑

OLIO...Now I want to see the jousting sticks next to the Lebbo clock...
Click to expand...

I don't recon either one of you two guys fly?

Any fool knows B.A don't fly into Australia or Melbourne for years with a 747.

Maranello550 · Nov 8, 2020

Arvin Grajau said: ↑

I don't recon either one of you two guys fly?

Any fool knows B.A don't fly into Australia or Melbourne for years with a 747.
Click to expand...

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