Dear Santa, I've written you for three years now asking for a fire truck. Please, I really really want a fire truck this year! Love, Kenny Dear Kenny, Let me make it up to you. Christmas Eve, while you sleep, I'm gonna torch your house. You'll have more fire trucks than you'll know what to do with. Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy Dear Teddy, What, and ruin that hot affair your dad's still having with the babysitter? He's banging her like a screen door in a hurricane, son! Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the backdoor. Love, Susan Dear Susan, Milk gives me the ****s and carrots make the deer fart in my face. You want to be a kiss-ass? Leave me a glass of Chivas Regal and a nice Cuban cigar. Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please. PLEASE. Jimmy Jimmy, That whiney-begging **** may work with your folks, but that crap don't work up here. You're getting another sweater. Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you making toys? Your friend, Thomas Dear Thomas, All toys get made in China. I have a condo in Vegas, where I spend most of my time squeezing cocktail waitress' asses, and losing all my cash at the craps table. Hey, YOU wanted to know! Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I wud like a kool toy space ranjur for Xmas. Ivben a good boy all yeer. YeR FReND, BiLLy Dear Billy, Nice spelling. You're on your way to being a career lawncare specialist. How 'bout I send you a ****ing book so you can learn to read and write? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger, at least HE can spell! Santa ___________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah Dear Sarah, Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I need more Pokemon cards please! All my friends have more Pokemon cards than me. Please see what you can do. Love, Michelle Dear Michelle, It blows my ****ing mind. Kids are forcing their parents to buy hundreds of dollars worth of these stupid card, and none of you snot-nosed brats are even learning to play the game. Let me get you something more your speed, like "Chutes and Ladders." Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, I want a new bike, playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis Dear Francis, Who the **** names their kid "Francis" nowadays? Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, Do you see us when we're sleeping, Do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica Dear Jessica, You are that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do, I'm skipping your house. Santa ____________________________________________________________ Dear Santa, We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our home? Love, Marky Mark, First, stop calling yourself "Marky"; that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Secondly, you don't live in a house, that's a low-rent apartment complex you're living in. Thirdly, I get inside your pad just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window. Sweet Dreams! Santa
