Daily Joke

An old man walked into the confessional at the cathedral and said to
the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11
grandchildren. Last night I had an affair, and I made love to two 18
year old girls. Both of them. Twice."

The priest replied, "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in
confession?"

"Never Father, I'm Jewish."

The priest paused, and then asked, "So then, why are you telling me?"

"Hey, I'm telling everybody."

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DL

 

Well, Dave, i've got bad news and i've got worse news...

The bad news is that i've heard this...
The worse news is that, if i've heard this, then you know everyone else has...!

 

Talk about dumping ice water on someones nuts! Hey, I've got an idea, never mind Carbon McCoy.....change your name to, "Johnny Threadkill"

...bad Karma for a guy chasing 10,000 posts by the end of the year.

DL

 

LMAO...!

 

I've been living under a rock for the last few years. I've never heard it before.

Thanks, darth550

Sorry, DES

Hey I made karting with this post, cool.

 

Evening DL,

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A young man once asked God how long a million years was to him.
God replied, "A million years to me is just like a single second to you."
The young man asked God what a million dollars was to him.
God replied, "A million dollars to me is just like a single penny to you."
Then the young man got his courage up and asked, "God, could I have one of your pennies?"
God smiled and replied, "Certainly, just a second."

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Crash, the Biker, walks into a pharmacy & says to the pharmacist, "Listen, I have three biker babes coming over tonight. I've never had three biker babes at once, & I need something to keep me horny, keep me potent."
The pharmacist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer & takes out a small cardboard box marked with a label "Viagra Extra Strength" & says, "Here, if you eat this, you'll go NUTS for 12 hours!"
The next day, Crash rides down to the same pharmacy, walks right up to the same pharmacist & pulls down his pants.
The pharmacist looks in horror as he notices that Crash's Johnson is black & blue with the skin hanging off in some places.
Crash says, "Gimme a bottle of Ben Gay."
The pharmacist replies, "BEN GAY?! You're not going to put Ben Gay on your dick while it's in that condition?"
Crash says, "No, it's for my arms, the girls didn't show up."
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An Illinois man left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida, his wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email, unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her email address, he did his best to type it from memory.
Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream and fell to the floor in a dead faint, at the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen.....
DEAREST WIFE...
JUST GOT CHECKED IN...
EVERYTHING PREPARED FOR YOUR ARRIVAL TOMORROW...
P.S.
SURE IS HOT DOWN HERE.

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A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.
The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"
"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered, "Think about this...when your ear itches and you put your finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?"

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I was out walking around in in the desert, and saw a group of guys castrating camels. The way they did this was to back the camels up to a guy holding two bricks. The guy holding the bricks would then smash the camel's balls between them. After recovering from the sympathetic pain in my own crotch, I walked over to the guy holding the bricks. I asked him, "****, man, doesn't that hurt?!" He said, "Not really, as long as you keep your thumbs out of the way."
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Hey Tony,


Ted Kennedy gets a call from the Coast Guard......

CG "Sen. Kennedy? I have some bad news, some good news and some REALLY good news."

TK "Oh no, what's the bad news?"

CG "The bad news is, John-John's plane went down and he drowned."

TK "OMG! That's terrible. What's the good news?"

CG "The good news is, when we brought up his body..there were 3 Maine lobsters and 5 blue crabs attached to it!"

TK "You don't say...what's the REALLY good news?"

CG "Well Sir, the REALLY good news is we're gonna bring it up again tomorrow!"

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Old Ted Kennedy.......

Q. What did Ted Kennedy say to O.J.?

A. "Why didn't you just drown them....it's ONLY a misdemeanor!"

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DL

 

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Now THAT is funny!