I really need some advice.......marriage in crisis.... | Page 2 | FerrariChat

I really need some advice.......marriage in crisis....

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by Davey, Jun 1, 2004.

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  1. PeterS

    PeterS Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Jan 24, 2003
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    It appears to me that you (while not realizing it) have sought out releationships in which you have 'found safety in an abusive harbor'. From the pattern of the type of people you have been involved with, I would guess that your own parents (or members of the family that you grew up with that you were very close to) went through the same thing and that is what you are use to.

    I would be interested to see your honest answer.

    Dr. PeterS
     
  2. Davey

    Davey Rookie

    Jun 1, 2004
    14
    Actually, I didn't think twice about it in the emergency room. She said that they probably made a mistake. I was more concerned with the fact that we were in an emergency room.

    It's when I saw it on her speeding ticket, that's when I became seriously suspicious, and then that is when I saw her license.
     
  3. Davey

    Davey Rookie

    Jun 1, 2004
    14
    Abusive harbor? I am sorry, I don't quite understand what you are asking. Please elaborate.
     
  4. F328 BobD

    F328 BobD Formula 3

    Mar 17, 2001
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    I wonder what else she hasn't told you... or lied about? Trust is the great tiebreaker in any relationship. No matter what happens, good luck. And get some sleep.
     
  5. richard_wallace

    richard_wallace Formula 3

    Feb 6, 2004
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    Richard Wallace
    I am calling bogus on this thread...

    1.) why the hell would you post this - honestly.
    2.) In what state were you married that does not have a marriage certificate (which has both signatures and date of birth, SSN, etc.) Did you not notice this?
    3.) Is she on your insurance - you would have to have SSN and Birthdate.
    4.) Do you have a Will? - Birthdate and SSN?

    I can list 10 other documents that would also have this information - Emergency contact info, Bank info, etc.

    How would you not know her birthday. Thus I call this a bogus thread - most likely a teenager posting this.

    If not - my mistake - but this is stupid.
     
  6. PeterS

    PeterS Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Here is an example: Women that end up in relationships that are physicaly or mentaly abusive. If you dig into their past, many grew up with this with their own parents, therefore, it is what they are use to. Without much forethought, they enter into relationships that produce the same sort of behavior they grew up with.

    There are many scenarios of the above. Sometimes 'easy paths' are chosen due to the 'comfort' level and are not always in the persons best interest. If you have a friend that deals in therapy or family marrige issues, tell them about this.....You will probably get an earfull!
     
  7. jimpo1

    jimpo1 Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Jul 30, 2001
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    When I was in my late 20's I dated a girl that told me she was 20. She was great. We had a LOT of fun, but I was always a little concerned about her age, after all, she couldn't legally drink!

    A few months into it, she told me she had something to tell me and she showed me her driver license. She wasn't 20, she was 18. Suddenly all my friends were jealous that I was dating this hot 18 year old.

    The age isn't the issue, the pattern of deception is.
     
  8. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Are you really a Dr., PeterS??? Sorry we didn't get together as I flew low thru Sonora! We thought of you!!

    I guess I need the wireless uplink via cell phone connection that's all the rage!
    A good A/C would have lowered the stress level, too!!! Hand me a Corona!!!

    ..and now back to the regularly scheduled program.......

    " I married a Girl I didn't really know", don't worry, we ALL did! LOL!!!
     
  9. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    ..and you kept on, tearing that young stuff up, didn't you?????

    Our man here has the opposite problem, kinda like a speedo "rollback"


    "...if it's still shiny, it's a good car!" ;)
     
  10. Davey

    Davey Rookie

    Jun 1, 2004
    14

    Call it whatever the hell you want. If you feel it is bogus or stupid, then why would you waste your precious energy responding to it?

    Any document I have ever seen has had the birthdate that I thought that was correct, until I saw the license. It was never under suspicion until recent events, so I haven't paid close attention to it in the past.

    Why would anyone joke about this?
     
  11. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Don't worry, there's a lot of BS and imposters here, so everyone's leery of this type discussion.

    If you are for real, what do you think?? You didn't post a pic. But if she is truly interested in making you happy, forget alout the little white lie!

    Wait for a big black lie before you call it a day. Once you're married, it's tough to throw in the towel, in my case.

    What does YOUR gut instinct tell you?? You're the closest to the scene.
     
  12. Davey

    Davey Rookie

    Jun 1, 2004
    14
    My gut? It's hard to say. I am all over the map with this. A million thoughts went through my head while trying to fall asleep last night. I am hoping a little bit of time will bring some clarity. I don't want to jump to conclusions, I would like to be sure of whatever decision I make.
     
  13. Davey

    Davey Rookie

    Jun 1, 2004
    14
    I can certainly say that our relationship is not abusive in any way, shape, or form. I know that her dad would smack his kids around if they did something wrong. Her ex-husband was verbally abusive, but I don't think he was physically.
     
  14. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    Well my advice is not to sink into the "black or white" mentality.

    She is no doubt embarressed by it all. Remember when we're young we want to be older, than at a point we're old, and want to be younger! I've fibbed about it over the years, and now I have to stop and do math!!

    Be fully expressed to her if you have been hurt by the deception, but let her know how much you care about her and see if she feels the same. Might be a warm Kodak kind of moment if you can have that exchange without a lot of "you did me wrong" pressure on her.

    At the same time remember that maybe YOU'll need a little forgiveness someday, :) and it never hurts to have a little goodwill in the bank.

    Go to church next Sunday and leave it at the cross. go out and enjoy some blue sky.
     
  15. Stackhouse

    Stackhouse F1 Rookie
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    This is not an attempt to go off topic but wasn't there a guy in Utah who was married for over a year to his "wife" who was actually a man! No kidding! I think his name was felix or something like that.

    And now to the subject. If you were to ask all the guys here I would venture to say that 90%+ would not be able to give you their wife/GF's B-date (i'm talking year) withhout thinking long and hard about it. (I hope I'm right. If not, It's just me and I'm going to be in the dog house as soon as the little woman sees this post.)

    Truthfully I have never looked at my wife's B-date on DL or Passport but I'm positive she's no man! (See "My Brazilian Wife" thread).

    Communication is key in a healthy relationship

    PD
     
  16. Forza1

    Forza1 Formula Junior

    Mar 20, 2004
    490
    California
    Wow. Now I've heard everything...


    Back to topic, after reading more, I'll pass on a word of advice that a wise man once told me:

    "Ditch the *****"



    -DC :D
     
  17. MarkPDX

    MarkPDX F1 World Champ
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    Apr 21, 2003
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    All us Jr. detectives are hot on the case.... Would you mind if we called you, keeping you anonamous of course, just for verification purposes????
     
  18. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    See?? You have lots of help here now! LOL

    Of course to convince all these recent sceptics, you'll need to post a pic a you AND her with today's newspaper, along with the offending documents.

    Or you could emulate ImpalaSS and post an underwear pic, with a poll.

    Good luck. Hope you got some insights, before the water got bloody!
     
  19. PeterS

    PeterS Five Time F1 World Champ
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    See, I think I was correct!
     
  20. PeterS

    PeterS Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Speedy: You officially stink! Not stopping by for a beer...Jeeeesh! Next time you do that, I will have my CHP buddies lay out the spikes!
     
  21. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    I don't think verbal abuse would make someone lie about their age.

    I think among women that's called vanity!!!!

    There a lot of verbal abusers out there, I've been accused myself, by my lovely first wife, and no one can take that title from her!!! :)

    "I wasn't giving 'em Hell, I was telling 'em like it is, and they thought it was Hell" George Patton

    What you think of my suggestion to clear the air, in a loving, low pressure manner. PeterS???
     
  22. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    LOL! I know!

    I missed about half the state!

    Last thing I saw was Barstow, as the dust blew up in the sunset winds!!

    Original Route 66, next exit. "Sorry honey, we have to head home now!!!"

    The truck stop had the coffee mugs, though.

    I see you getting together a Yosemite drive. It was great!

    ...now back to our story.....
     
  23. Davey

    Davey Rookie

    Jun 1, 2004
    14
    I agree, I don't think verbal abuse has anything to do with one's tendency to lie about age.

    If that is what I decide to do, definitely that is the way to go. I am a very laid back person, so shouting and yelling really is not me, nor is it my wife. As I sit here at work, I have more questions for her, and will be talking about it tonight. Hopefully I will come away with a clear path that I want to take, regardless of what that path might be.
     
  24. PeterS

    PeterS Five Time F1 World Champ
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    barstow.......Barstow.....BARSTOW??? WOW! What a pit that city is! They made Barstow so people in El Seugundo would have a town to make fun of!
     
  25. BigTex

    BigTex Seven Time F1 World Champ
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    I know about 6PM the wind was blowing so hard all the trash was sent into the next county!

    My sincere apologies for missing the get together. I should have taken two weeks for the trip. That would have meant so many more hotel rooms!! :)

    My new baby is such a good traveller, she only takes the small clothes!!

    She never leaves safe following distance though. :(
    Constantly overdrives the braking distance!!!

    "two second rule sweetie.... one mississippi...two mississippi...."

    Give your WIFE another chance, mate. Making up is soooooo much fun!!!!

    Anybody can be divorced....just look around.
     

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