5 Tough questions.

The five toughest Female Questions are:

1.What are you thinking about?

2.Do you love me?

3.Do I look fat?

4.Do you think she is prettier than me?

5.What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following:
a. Baseball.
b. Football.
c. How fat you are.
d. How much prettier she is than you.
e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!" Al Rules!

Question # 2: Do you love me?
The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

* Inappropriate responses include:
a. I suppose so.
b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes?
c. That depends on what you mean by love.
d. Does it matter?
e. Who, me?


Question # 3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Among the incorrect answers are:
a. Compared to what?
b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin.
c. A little extra weight looks good on you.
d. I've seen fatter.
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include:
a. Yes, but you have a better personality
b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner
c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age
d. Define pretty
e. Could you repeat the question? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question. (The real answer, or course, is "Buy a Ferrari.")
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:


WOMAN: Would you get married again?
MAN: Definitely not!


WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married?
MAN: Of course I do.


WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
MAN: Okay, I'd get married again.


WOMAN: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face)
MAN: Yes, I would.


WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
MAN: Where else would we sleep?


WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her?
MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do.


WOMAN: And would you let her drive my car?
MAN: No, she can't drive a 5-speed!

 

so true... so true....


my ex once asked me if i liked her hair style... i lied and said of course it looks very nice....


she changed it a good while later and i mistakenly said hey that looks MUCH better than the last one you had...


i was reminded about that for about 2 yrs

 

LOL i know the feeling

 

There was a joke like that in the Joke thread, I think maybe you posted it. wife -Would she use my golf clubs?

Guy - No shes left handed

guy - oh ****

 

what boggled my mind is she was seriously pissed

and i simply wondered... why are you so pissed its only hair! i have a head of hair... i comb it to the side for the past 20+ yrs, whats the big deal?!?


luckily i didn't actually say that out loud

 

Thats women for you mate my wife always says when i am right i am wrong but she is never wrong, who am i to argue?

 

I probably did mate, i have so much material that i sometime's loose track of what i have posted.

 

Dam I am glad I ain't married no mo!!!!!!

 

The scene:
Peg and Al Bundy laying in bed, Peg says, Al...I'm horny. Al pretends that he doesn't hear (curling up into a fetal position). Peg repeats... Al I'm horny.
Al says, well so am I, but you don't hear me bothering you with it!

 

Whenever your women starts with same line of questions, immediately start dry heaving. while you are recovering from your supposed "close encounter with death" explain to her that you must be severally allergic to those questions. The trick is to do it every where like church, in front of her friends, your in-laws.

After a few of those episodes she'll probably stop asking.

 

i don't know what's wrong with my current gf, there's none of these issues. i've been so scared of telling her 'how gorgeous you look today' for fear of 'what, did i look like **** yesterday??' but she doesn't do it. in nearly 4 months i haven't managed to piss her off once, it's so strange....

but yeah, in the past it's always been a matter of diplomacy and PCisms, where you can't say something nice IF it compares to ANYTHING EVER IN THE PAST, and lots of those things.

about half way through my last gf (5 years) i wisened up and never said anything serious about how good she looked or how intelligent she was or whatever, just making wise-ass cracks about her needing reconstructive surgery or lots of lipo (she was slim and hot) or how her glorious moustache shone in the sun (she was a nordic blonde). she could only get mad about me being a goof then, and besides despite how nuerotic they are, most girls know just exactly how hot and smart they are. for most, it's not worth telling the truth!!!!! (oddly i've found the one girl on the planet that accepts what i say )

 

When you get ready to "trade up". I would be interested in your current model.

 

Here are the CORRECT answers:

1. Nothing
2. Yes
3. No
4. No
5. Carry on.

If she wants to be a troll and take the questions further and turn it into a flame-fest, arguement, debate...just direct her to the closest exit. If you're in a car, make sure you've come to a complete stop before throwing her out.