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A politically correct Christmas song

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by maranelloman, Dec 19, 2003.

  1. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    #1 maranelloman, Dec 19, 2003
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    "On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
    Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to
    me:

    "TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

    "ELEVEN pipers a-piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of
    members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in
    their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

    "TEN melanin-deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
    ruling class system leaping,

    "NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

    "EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
    from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

    "SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

    "SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

    "FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic
    incarceration,

    "(NOTE: after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw
    red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge
    have been reintroduced to their native habitat. To avoid further
    Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been
    revised.)

    "FOUR hours of recorded whale songs,

    "THREE deconstructionist poets,

    "TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses
    and...

    "ONE Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.

    "Merry Christmas Happy Chanukah. Good Kwanzaa. Blessed Yule. Oh, heck!
    Happy Holidays!!!! (unless otherwise prohibited by law) *

    *Unless, of course, you are suffering from Seasonally Affected Disorder
    (SAD). If this be the case, please substitute this gratuitous call for
    celebration with a suggestion that you have a thoroughly adequate day."


    Merry Christmas, y'all. And thanks for a great year, FerrariChat!!!
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  2. tbakowsky

    tbakowsky F1 World Champ
    Professional Ferrari Technician Consultant

    Sep 18, 2002
    14,404
    The Cold North
    Full Name:
    Tom
    Ha....Ha... Funny stuff..don't cha just love the p/c movement?
     
  3. Dom

    Dom F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Nov 5, 2002
    7,520
    Southern California
    Full Name:
    Dom V.
    My holiday greeting card:


    Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best
    wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low
    stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter
    solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of
    the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of
    your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions
    and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
    religious or secular traditions at all . . .

    . . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and
    medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
    accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the
    calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society
    have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is
    necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA"
    in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed,
    color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer
    platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

    (By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This
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    transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies
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    her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is
    revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is
    warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of
    good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a
    subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is
    limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the
    sole discretion of the wisher.)


    *** Disclaimer: Opinions are my own and in no way reflect those of my alternate personality ***

    This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado,
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  4. teak360

    teak360 F1 Veteran
    Silver Subscribed

    Nov 3, 2003
    9,153
    Boulder, CO
    Full Name:
    Scott
    Maranelloman and Dom,

    Forty years ago, people would have read these two items and thought you guys were out of your minds. They wouldn't have had a clue what you were trying to say.
    Now the sad part; today we read them and laugh (notwithstanding those who aren't laughing but are offended, of course), but it is a guarded laugh, because what we are reading is oh-so-close to reality.
     
  5. Kds

    Kds F1 World Champ

    Hilarious stuff !!!
     
  6. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
    Advising Moderator

    Jul 20, 2003
    41,766
    SFPD
    Full Name:
    Dirty Harry
    ISO Standard Christmas

    4.2.1 General

    Tree(s) shall be located at the midpoint and/or sides of the domestic dwelling window, making sure there is good visual contact between all placements of furniture, passerby and with the control freak (see 4.1). They shall be raised no further above the floor of the room than is necessary for a clear view (see 4.7) of all proceedings in the room, i.e. all participants, lecturers, the children, etc., as well as all visual aids (television screen, camera, etc.). The view from the room in relation to the tree shall not be obstructed by persons standing. Thus, the tree should be at least 1,00 m above the floor assuming a level floor. Steep viewing angles shall be avoided (particularly with regard to open fireplaces). In larger rooms the furthest distance from tree to restroom, television screen, camera, etc. shall not exceed 30 m (see 4.6).

    The gifts (see 4.7) shall be grouped to facilitate visual contact (see 4.9) as well as wrapping (see 4.8) between them.
     

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