A politically correct Christmas song

Ha....Ha... Funny stuff..don't cha just love the p/c movement?

 

My holiday greeting card:


Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, our best
wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low
stress, non-addictive, gender neutral, celebration of the winter
solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of
the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of
your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions
and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice
religious or secular traditions at all . . .

. . and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and
medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally
accepted calendar year 2004, but not without due respect for the
calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society
have helped make America great, (not to imply that America is
necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "AMERICA"
in the western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed,
color, age, physical ability, religious faith, choice of computer
platform, or sexual preference of the wishee.

(By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This
greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely
transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies
no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for
her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is
revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is
warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of
good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a
subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is
limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the
sole discretion of the wisher.)


*** Disclaimer: Opinions are my own and in no way reflect those of my alternate personality ***

This disclaimer does not cover misuse, accident, lightning, flood, tornado,
tsunami, volcanic eruption, earthquake, hurricanes and other Acts of God,
neglect, incorrect line voltage, improper or unauthorized use, broken antenna
or marred cabinet, missing or altered serial numbers, removal of tag,
electromagnetic radiation from nuclear blasts, sonic boom vibrations, customer
adjustments that are not covered in this list, and incidents owing to an
airplane crash, ship sinking or taking on water, motor vehicle crashing,
dropping the item, falling rocks, thieving lawyers, crazy ex-girlfriends,
leaky roof, broken glass, mud slides, forest fire, or projectile (which can
include, but not be limited to, arrows, bullets, shot, BBs, paintball, shrapnel,
lasers, napalm, torpedoes, or emissions of X-rays, Alpha, Beta and Gamma rays,
knives, stones, etc.).

 

Maranelloman and Dom,

Forty years ago, people would have read these two items and thought you guys were out of your minds. They wouldn't have had a clue what you were trying to say.
Now the sad part; today we read them and laugh (notwithstanding those who aren't laughing but are offended, of course), but it is a guarded laugh, because what we are reading is oh-so-close to reality.

 

Hilarious stuff !!!

 

ISO Standard Christmas

4.2.1 General

Tree(s) shall be located at the midpoint and/or sides of the domestic dwelling window, making sure there is good visual contact between all placements of furniture, passerby and with the control freak (see 4.1). They shall be raised no further above the floor of the room than is necessary for a clear view (see 4.7) of all proceedings in the room, i.e. all participants, lecturers, the children, etc., as well as all visual aids (television screen, camera, etc.). The view from the room in relation to the tree shall not be obstructed by persons standing. Thus, the tree should be at least 1,00 m above the floor assuming a level floor. Steep viewing angles shall be avoided (particularly with regard to open fireplaces). In larger rooms the furthest distance from tree to restroom, television screen, camera, etc. shall not exceed 30 m (see 4.6).

The gifts (see 4.7) shall be grouped to facilitate visual contact (see 4.9) as well as wrapping (see 4.8) between them.