A Street Sweeper's Tale

agup48 · Oct 2, 2008

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2411937#post325447559

This is going to be the best read in the history of the intrawebz. I was laughing my ass off by the first page. Here are some examples:

When I burned out of college in spring of 2006, I found myself needing cash in the worst kind of way. I was flipping through the newspaper when I found an ad that read:

"Sweeper Vac Driver needed. 3rd shift only"

and gave subsequent contact info. I'm really great doing over night work and decided that I'd give it a shot. I arrive at the office, fill out an application, and before I walked out of the door I was given the job and told to report for training the following evening.

So, I reported to the office the following evening... and had the weirdest/craziest/funniest 8 months of my life. I was hoping to share a story or two with you guys. If you like 'em, I've got TONS.
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Usually, I'm really good about watching my back. Notice I said "usually". I was noting that the lights had been shot out when I heard something behind me. I whirled around to see a crack head standing a few feet from me.

Hey man! Hey! Uh, do you have a light, man?

Sorry, I don't smoke

Hey! Uh, do you got a dollar, man?

Listen man, I'm covered to my head in stink at 3am on a Friday night. Does it look like I have a dollar?

The guy then pulls a knife from his jacket pocket. This is not going to happen. I'm covered head to toe in grime, I'm exhausted, and now a crack head is trying to mug me on my first night at work. This is not going to happen. So I did the only thing I could do.

Come on, man! Give me that wallet!

I hold up my hands, nod, and make like I'm reaching behind me for my wallet. Well, some asshat had missed the dumpster with a pallet earlier in the day and had left planks of wood scattered about behind me.

I grab a plank of wood, whip around, and crack it as hard as I can on the side of his face. He drops like a ton of bricks and I reached for the radio.

Hey! Some crack head just tried to mug be back here. I think I knocked him out. Do we need to call Metro PD or something?

*long pause*

Hello?!

Is he dead?

WHAT!?

Is. He. Dead.

I reached down and felt a strong pulse on the guy (but man was his face a wreck).

No, he's alive.

gently caress it, I'm coming to pick you up, see you in a sec.

A moment later, Mark comes roaring behind the store, stops, and looks at my handy-work.

Good form!

Can we go now?

I mean, I've had to drop guys before, but this takes the cake!

Can we please go now?

Mark then takes a picture with his cell phone

I can't wait to show the guys when we get back to the office!

Later on that morning, he introduced me to everyone in the group. After showing off the pictures and bragging about "How his FNG dropped someone the first night" one of the other guys, Jay, got me a cup of coffee.

It was then that I found out that almost getting robbed was apart of the job and I handled it like it was supposed to be handled.

I also found out that "FNG" stood for "****in' New Guy."

Edit: I'm now back in school
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I apologize if its a repost, but I don't think you would care if it is one, you're going to be on the floor.

oss117 · Oct 4, 2008

Pretty good story, different jobs have different type of attitude test.
The important part is that you passed the test.

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A Street Sweeper's Tale

agup48 Two Time F1 World Champ

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