Aussie joke thread

I'm surprised she didn't clock him one, and yell #Me too

 

Vuluptuous would have been more tactful JM......

 

Tact and I parted ways many years ago mate

 

I can see that......

 

Fixed. Sorry JM.

 

Really? i always thought of you as a very sensitive person..almost gay like!

 

Nail, hammer.

 

Interesting name for a beach.

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So rude

 

Campground?

 

Fark me are all QLDers whomos?......

 

Ok just saw it was in the states but it sounds like one of the main beaches up there....

 

Met a bloke today with his 3 y.o. daughter in tow. She said her name was Beth. "What's Beth short for?" I asked her dad. "Well, she's only 3"

 

That one was hard....

 

LOLOLO

 

At dawn the telephone rings, "Hello, Senor? This is Ernesto, the caretaker at your country house."

"Ah yes, Ernesto. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?"

"Umm, I am just calling to advise you, Senor, that your green and purple parrot, he is dead".

"My parrot? Dead? The one that won the International competition?"

"Si, Senor, that's the one."

"Damn! That's a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. What did he die from?"

"From eating the rotten meat, Senor."

"Rotten meat? Who the hell fed him rotten meat?"

"Nobody, Senor. He ate the meat of the dead horse. "

"Dead horse? What dead horse?"

"The thoroughbred, Senor."

"My prize thoroughbred is dead?"

"Yes, Senor, he died from all that work pulling the water cart."

"Are you insane? What water cart?"

"The one we used to put out the fire, Senor."

"Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?"

"The one at your house, Senor! A candle fell and the curtains caught on fire."

"What the hell? Are you saying that my mansion is destroyed because of a candle?!"

"Yes, Senor."

"But there's electricity at the house! What was the candle for?"

"For the funeral, Senor."

"WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL??!!"

"Your wife's, Senor". She showed up very late one night and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Ping G15 204g titanium head golf club with the TFC 149D graphite shaft."


SILENCE.......... LONG SILENCE.........VERY LONG SILENCE.







"Ernesto, if you broke my new driver, you're in deep, deep trouble."

 

You golfers are too serious about chasing balls around golf courses

 

Comedy gold?

https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=1738369742868814

 

Too much CGI ........ he never did any of those stunts

 

Stuff you watched as a teenager?

 

Middle aged adult

 

Remember this ?



and look who starred in it

 

Whom?

 

No, Leonard Nimoy

 

Spock you talking about Willis?