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Aussie joke thread

Discussion in 'Australia' started by stephens, Oct 17, 2005.

  1. moretti

    moretti Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Nov 1, 2003
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    OK, Gary and I are idiots ...................... no new revelations there !!! :p ;p
     
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  2. Aircon

    Aircon Seven Time F1 World Champ

    Jun 23, 2003
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    Peter
    I don't know about Gary, though.
     
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  3. moretti

    moretti Four Time F1 World Champ
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    :p
     
  4. knocker

    knocker F1 Veteran

    Jul 10, 2017
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    Adrian
    #6629 knocker, Jun 22, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2019
    Sooo your saying the cyclists were jealous of me
     
  5. Maranello550

    Maranello550 F1 Rookie
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    Vaffanculo minchia....:)
     
  6. moretti

    moretti Four Time F1 World Champ
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    I had to look that up because I know no swear words :)
     
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  7. Aircon

    Aircon Seven Time F1 World Champ

    Jun 23, 2003
    78,284
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    Peter
    It means the male nurse is coming over tonight.
     
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  8. I16

    I16 Formula 3

    Sep 15, 2008
    1,721
    A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours."
    The guy left.
    A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around at the shop and said, "About 3 hours."
    The guy left.
    A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop and said, "About an hour and a half." The guy left.
    The barber turned to his friend and said, "Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back."
    A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically.
    The barber asked, "So, where does he go when he leaves?"
    Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, "Your house!"
     
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  9. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 Veteran

    Jul 28, 2010
    9,169
    Piz Gloria
    Full Name:
    EnzoFerdinand
  10. Aircon

    Aircon Seven Time F1 World Champ

    Jun 23, 2003
    78,284
    Melbourne, Australia
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    Peter
  11. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 Veteran

    Jul 28, 2010
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    Piz Gloria
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    EnzoFerdinand
    What are you up to you lunatic?

    Why don't you just ask Simon out on a date? It sounds like you want to.
     
  12. Aircon

    Aircon Seven Time F1 World Champ

    Jun 23, 2003
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    Peter
    I did nothing! facebook decided we should be friends.
     
  13. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 Veteran

    Jul 28, 2010
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    Piz Gloria
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    EnzoFerdinand
    I'm looking at your recent Posts.

    Are you a bit bored tonight Peter?
     
  14. Aircon

    Aircon Seven Time F1 World Champ

    Jun 23, 2003
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    No Wes.....I was looking for something in particular and this stuff popped up and made me lol, and you know I like to share things that make me lol
     
  15. greg246

    greg246 F1 World Champ
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    Jun 2, 2004
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  16. Gizzi

    Gizzi F1 Rookie
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    You haven’t been ‘lolling’ at the stuff I’ve been sending you.....


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  17. Aircon

    Aircon Seven Time F1 World Champ

    Jun 23, 2003
    78,284
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    Peter
    True. Simon is funnier than you.
     
  18. au-yt

    au-yt F1 Veteran
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    Aug 13, 2006
    5,074
    Burradoo... Actually
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    Graeme
    Once again The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.


    The winners are:

    1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.
    2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
    3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
    4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
    5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
    6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
    7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
    8. Gargoyle (n), olive-flavoured mouthwash.
    9. Flatulence (n.), emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
    10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
    11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
    12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
    13. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.
    14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
    15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
    16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

    The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

    The winners are:

    -Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
    -Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
    -Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
    -Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
    -Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
    -Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all these Really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
    -Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
    -Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

    -Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.
     
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  19. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 Veteran

    Jul 28, 2010
    9,169
    Piz Gloria
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    EnzoFerdinand
    Isn't that great?

    There some very clever ones in there.
     
  20. moretti

    moretti Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Nov 1, 2003
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    John
    Wespac - the bank for a new Porch
     
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  21. Horse

    Horse Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 1, 2005
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    Jon
    So Wes has 3 decks?


    Sent from my iPhone using FerrariChat
     
  22. FazzerPorscheman

    FazzerPorscheman F1 Veteran

    Jul 28, 2010
    9,169
    Piz Gloria
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    EnzoFerdinand
    Tri hard.
     
    4_Eff_Sake likes this.
  23. Horse

    Horse Two Time F1 World Champ
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    Dec 1, 2005
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    Jon
    Couldn’t be that silly pulling one.


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