Best of Craigslist.. "To the 23 y.o girl I met at the bar." | FerrariChat
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Best of Craigslist.. "To the 23 y.o girl I met at the bar."

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by TG, Aug 3, 2007.

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  1. TG

    TG F1 Veteran

    Oct 26, 2004
    6,291
    Newport Beach, CA
    Full Name:
    Taylor
    #1 TG, Aug 3, 2007
    All of them..

    http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/


    After a long chat about life, politics, and your future career in interior design, you asked me, a man nearly a decade your senior, something like, "What have you learned over the last ten years that you think I should know?" I offered some boilerplate platitude like, "Don't limit your options because you never know where you'll end up." I'm sorry. I wanted to give you some real advice, but I was afraid of offending you. We spoke for a little longer, and I was building up the courage to tell you the truth, but before I could get to the good stuff your beefy bartender boyfriend (who stared at me menacingly the entire time that you and I spoke) whisked you away. Please accept the following paragraphs as the advice I didn't give but should have.

    First of all, your boyfriend is a ****tard loser, and if he's the kind of guy you usually date you are in real trouble. I'll admit he's a good looking fellow: Strong jaw and big muscles, but he is also a moron and has two kids. Jesus, how old is he, twenty-five? And he already has two kids? What the hell are you thinking? Those little bastards aren't free and if he mans-up to his responsibility he will spend the rest of his life broke. If he doesn't man-up he is an even bigger loser and you should definitely drop him. I'm not saying you should get with me or anything, I'm thirty and bald and aware of my chances with the nubile tastiness that is you, but you live in a city chock full of universities and I'm sure you can find someone young, good looking, and smart enough to wear a ****ing condom when he does the nasty.

    Speaking of sex, you need to be careful. Really careful. Drug development is expensive and when big pharmaceuticals make a medicine for a disease it is because that disease is (1) very common; (2) bad enough that people are willing to pay $$$ to treat it; and (3) going to be around long enough for them to get their money back. All those Valtrex commercials you see on TV are telling you that lots of people have herpes. But you don't know anyone who has herpes, do you? That's because men who have it don't tell their partners. You should be prepared for the worst. I've never had any STDs, partly because being bald makes getting laid nearly impossible, but also because I use condoms EVERY TIME I HAVE SEX. You should too. Just because you're not willing to risk your health for a guy doesn't mean you don't like him, love him, or want to be with him. It just means that you have a head on your shoulders and some self respect.

    Finally, about your career. Honestly, it really isn't much of one. You live in the Bay. There are enough gay men around here to design and decorate every doghouse, outhouse, whorehouse, and courthouse for 700 miles. Every man you talk to knows this and we all mean to tell you, but you are really hot and humoring you is a condition precedent to licking and sticking your honey pot. Seriously, you really need to think more about exactly what you are going to do for a living because if you end up with Mr. ****tard, or any facsimile thereof, you will likely be supporting yourself for many years to come.

    Good luck and best wishes,

    -The Short Bald Guy
     
  2. LamboLover

    LamboLover F1 Rookie

    Jul 16, 2006
    2,544
    Texas
    Full Name:
    Rick
    #2 LamboLover, Aug 3, 2007
    LMAO! :D
     
  3. Asian1118

    Asian1118 F1 Rookie

    Mar 23, 2005
    3,834
    Shelby twp
    Full Name:
    James
    #3 Asian1118, Aug 3, 2007
    I like the 85 vag, and I stole your crutches. but there all good
     
  4. rollsorferrari?

    rollsorferrari? F1 Veteran

    Jun 5, 2006
    9,984
    St. Louis
    Full Name:
    Scott
    #4 rollsorferrari?, Aug 3, 2007
    that is insanely good!
     
  5. redhead

    redhead F1 Rookie

    Dec 26, 2001
    4,869
    Full Name:
    ~Red~
    #5 redhead, Aug 3, 2007
    Whenever I have a ****ty day and want to feel better about myself, Best of Craigslist it is. Its been that way for about 3 years now. How can you not laugh at these.
     
  6. Jdubbya

    Jdubbya The $10 Trillion Man
    Silver Subscribed

    Dec 28, 2003
    43,589
    Hell's waiting room
    Full Name:
    John
    #6 Jdubbya, Aug 3, 2007
    How have I never heard of this? There is some seriously funny stuff there!!!
     
  7. Spasso

    Spasso F1 World Champ

    Feb 16, 2003
    14,656
    The fabulous PNW
    Full Name:
    Han Solo
    #7 Spasso, Aug 3, 2007
    You forgot to tell her to get the HPV Vaccine
     
  8. Spasso

    Spasso F1 World Champ

    Feb 16, 2003
    14,656
    The fabulous PNW
    Full Name:
    Han Solo
    #8 Spasso, Aug 3, 2007
    John,
    When are you going to finish putting your damn car together!?!:p:p
     
  9. Modenafan

    Modenafan F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 19, 2004
    12,069
    Moorpark
    Full Name:
    Jon
    #9 Modenafan, Aug 3, 2007
    Just another average night. :D Good stuff. :)
     
  10. Spasso

    Spasso F1 World Champ

    Feb 16, 2003
    14,656
    The fabulous PNW
    Full Name:
    Han Solo
    #10 Spasso, Aug 3, 2007
    As long as we are doing Best of Craigslist,

    Serves the ****** right;

    Road Rage
    Date: 2007-07-04, 7:24PM PDT


    So, driving home from work today I have some ****wad tailing me, just banging on the horn. I look in my rear view and it is some dork in a BMW or Mercedes or some other overpriced piece of ****. I can see dude's veins bulging in his forehead and literally I can see the specks of saliva splashing off the windshield and he is LEAAAANNNNNING over the steering wheel yelling at me as if this was going to help me hear him better.

    By the looks of him, he is a pretty big dude. So, unluckily for me, I have to stop at a light. At this point, my girlfriend is kind of freaking out. I am probably, 5-7 or 5-8 with my hair standing up and don't weigh much more than a buck fifty, maybe 60 after a big meal. Never been much of a fighter, didn't really have to. I have to say, it kind of freaked me out. So, of course Mr Testosterone has to get out of his car and confront me. Like I said, he looked big, and when he got beside me, unfortunately again for me, he was probably 6-2 and maybe 200-220. Dressed in a pretty sharp suit with no jacket and his tie loosened. Probably had a pretty bad day as he proceeded to call me everything but an english speaking white man. On and on, if I was to get out of the car he'd beat my ass blah blah blah. Finally he called me a little ********** and then he told my GF that I was a *****. LOL. The old ***** card.

    So, I continued to look straight ahead, I rolled my window down, maybe a 1/3, not quite half and asked him if he was having a bad day. Without warning, Road Rage Guy punches at me. ****ing longest light in the history of Vancouver right here...sadly for him, his big ****ing mitt hit most of my window--shaking his hand he yelled for me to get out of the car--LOL, here is where it gets funny.

    I am still looking straight over my steering wheel. He takes one step closer to the car to open it as the light changes. Again, sadly for this ****ing meathead, I had already locked the door, still looking ahead, I lunge through my partially opened window, grab him by his tie and pull him towards my car, frantically I rolled up my window and hit the gas, dragging this ****wad through the intersection--have you ever seen a cursing, swearing salesman do a sidestep at 15 KM/H? I am still kind of laughing, and of course my GF thinks it is hilarious--I am still a little pissed off that I didn't hit 30 and drag this ****ing monkey through the streets of Vancouver.

    So, if you were the dork that assaulted me, too bad you are a such dick head, but I sincerely hope that you have another tie and pair of dress shoes, those shoes have to be scuffed the **** up. I do admire your agility at running beside my car doing cross overs. Your football training probably saved your life.
     
  11. KTG

    KTG Formula Junior

    May 16, 2005
    820
    Chicago,IL
    #11 KTG, Aug 4, 2007
    Was I the only one thinking, "Get in the right lane you poke, your gonna kill us all...I like sitting next to this 18 wheeler for 5 miles!" ha

    I watched someone get punched about 15 times through a window at a light once(fullerton/ashland), road rage is a ***** sometimes.
     
  12. M3-ADDICT

    M3-ADDICT Formula Junior

    Aug 13, 2006
    986
    NOVA
    #12 M3-ADDICT, Aug 4, 2007
    Thanks for the site, it had me read a few other stories. Didn't know it existed.
     
  13. madmaxatl

    madmaxatl Formula Junior

    Mar 22, 2007
    687
    Buckhead, Palo Alto
    Full Name:
    Don Johnson
    #13 madmaxatl, Aug 4, 2007
    Whenever someone gets out to yell at me, which is frequently in Atlanta, I just proceed to laugh hysterically in their face. Most people wont escalate the situation any further however once in a while someone will really try to come at me. This has only happened a couple of times. On one such situation I floored it at the jagoff and he dove out of the way. The other time when it got really bad was in Buckhead when some punk kid actually came at me when I was still in my car trying to get me out. I put my 7in dive knife I had in the car at the time on the dash and he backed down pretty quickly
    http://playground.sun.com/~vasya/sog37-02.JPG
     
  14. amenasce

    amenasce Three Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Oct 17, 2001
    34,586
    Full Name:
    Joe Mansion
    #14 amenasce, Aug 4, 2007
    In the same vein, http://bash.org/?latest .

    IRC chat logs. Some funnystuff.

    <NES> lol
    <NES> I download something from Napster
    <NES> And the same guy I downloaded it from starts downloading it from me when I'm done
    <NES> I message him and say "What are you doing? I just got that from you"
    <NES> "getting my song back ****er"


    i8b4uUnderground> d-_-b
    <BonyNoMore> how u make that inverted b?
    <BonyNoMore> wait
    <BonyNoMore> never mind
     
  15. Spasso

    Spasso F1 World Champ

    Feb 16, 2003
    14,656
    The fabulous PNW
    Full Name:
    Han Solo
    #15 Spasso, Aug 4, 2007
    No, I think the same thing. I can't STAND IT when somebody doesn't yield to faster traffic.

    It could be this guy didn't have another lane to move too and still poked along.
     
  16. YellowMurci

    YellowMurci Formula 3
    Owner

    Mar 17, 2005
    1,824
    NyC Baby!
    Full Name:
    Harry
    #16 YellowMurci, Aug 5, 2007
    classic!
     
  17. Stephanie

    Stephanie F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Feb 23, 2006
    14,973
    The Beach, FL
    Full Name:
    Stephanie
    #17 Stephanie, Aug 5, 2007
    Crap! That was me. :eek:
     
  18. Trevor L

    Trevor L Formula Junior

    Jul 21, 2004
    319
    OKC, USA
    #18 Trevor L, Aug 6, 2007
    I hope you got the shot. :D
     
  19. Skyler

    Skyler Formula 3

    May 31, 2004
    1,874
    Canada
    Full Name:
    Skyler
    #19 Skyler, Aug 6, 2007
    Haha, This one is the BEST!

     

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