Jesus loves you...but everyone else thinks you are a butt head," > > >Impotence...Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings," > > >The proctologist called >...they found your head. > > >Everyone has a photographic memory >...some just don't have any film. > > >I used to have a handle on life...but it broke off. > > >WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship. > > >GUYS...just because you have one, doesn't mean you have to be one. > > >Some people just don't know how to drive... >I call these people "Everybody But Me," >> > >Heart Attacks...God's revenge for eating His animal friends. > > >Don't like my driving? Then quit watching me. > > >If you can read this...I can slam on my brakes and sue you. > > >Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them. > > >Try not to let your mind wander...It is too small and fragile to be out >by itself. > > >Hang up and drive!! > And The Number One Bumper Sticker you'd Like To See: > >Welcome to America >...now speak English
Funny Bumper Stickers Stop the Slaughter! Boycott Baby Oil! Horne broken. Watch for Finger. Honk if you love peace and quiet. I'm not an alcoholic. I'm a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings. God is Coming and is she PISSED Don't upset me. I'm running out of places to hide the bodies How's My Driving? Dial 1-800-EAT **** Next mood swing: 6 minutes. Keep safe distance If you don't like my attitude, stop looking at my Stickers This is not an abandoned vehicle. I have good Brakes, Do you have GOOD Insurance? Don't Blame me. I voted. If you can read this, thank your teacher. When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you. Don't look back, they might be gaining on you. Unless you're a hemorrhoid, get off my ass! Pardon my driving, I am reloading. Have fun in bed with someone you love. Use your car for better things. I'm not playing with myself, I'm just adjusting my jewellery. Follow your dreams, not me. Sorry if I look interested, I'm not! I go from zero to ***** in 3.5 seconds. Never drive faster than your Guardian Angel can fly. And mine goes pretty fast. Driver carries no cash. He's married. I'm not a complete idiot, some pieces are missing. If you don't believe in oral sex, keep your mouth shut. I'm not as drunk as you think I am
I like that one! I wonder if you got rear ended, would the other party be able to sue you in court, by saying "you stopped on purpose" and point to the bumper sticker?
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. He who laughs last thinks slowest! Give me ambiguity or give me something else. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now. I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it. Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. Where there's a will, I want to be in it. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check? Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
Where there's a will...I want to be on it. It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill it. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again? Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home. Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
Dave, If you had funnier jokes, we would all lighten up! Btw, having a craving for a good burger. Since you are the burger guy, hit me up with some places!
I have a really funny (to a select few) bumper sticker but I won't post it because the PC girlie men will eat me alive
