News

Bush signs order legalizing Marijuana

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by G-force, Apr 1, 2004.

  1. G-force

    G-force F1 Rookie

    Aug 4, 2002
    3,053
    so california
    Full Name:
    wayne skiles
    President Bush Legalizes Marijuana In America
    Historic Executive Order to Take Effect on April 20

    April 1, 2004

    Washington, DC: In a move that astonished conservatives and liberals
    alike, President George W. Bush issued a surprise executive order today
    legalizing the possession and sale of marijuana in the United States. The
    order will take effect on April 20, long considered marijuana smokers'
    independence day.

    When asked about the sudden change of heart, President Bush explained;
    "The other night Cheney, Rumsfeld, Rice, Powell and I were in the war room
    mulling over how to sway public opinion on the war in Iraq. We were stuck
    in the same rut of tired old ideas and were in desperate need of creative
    new ways of thinking. That's when Karl Rove pulled out a fatty." While
    Bush admitted that it had been 30 years since his last toke, he figured,
    "Why not. I am the President. What can they do, arrest me?"

    President Bush made the announcement in his weekly radio address, saying
    that it's "high time" we reformed our marijuana policies. "The reality
    is," said the President, "marijuana is far less dangerous than alcohol or
    tobacco and far too many people have had their lives ruined after being
    arrested for nothing more than a doobie. Besides, my Pink Floyd records
    haven't sounded this good since my days at Yale. Boy, those were some
    good times."

    Newly appointed Drug Czar Keith Stroup hailed the move as a great step
    forward for America. "For 33 years NORML has worked to show that
    marijuana smokers are no different than the average American. Thankfully
    we finally have a president who has come to his senses on this issue,
    albeit with a little help from his old friend Mary Jane." Stroup went on
    to announce that his first move as Drug Czar will be to free all marijuana
    smokers currently incarcerated, and to form a commission to study
    reparations for all former marijuana prisoners. He also outlined the
    newest ONDCP ad campaign, "Don't Bogart That Joint," featuring the newly
    reunited Cheech and Chong. The campaign is designated to promote civility
    and sharing amongst cannabis consumers.

    Of course, not everyone was thrilled about the President's sudden change
    of heart. Sue Rusche, over-protective soccer mom and founder of National
    Families in Action, lashed out at the president from behind her bottle of
    valium saying that the President's decision would send the wrong message
    to children. Former Drug Czar Bill Bennett, when questioned about the
    executive order outside of the Sands Casino in Las Vegas, could only
    mutter, "I need a cigarette."

    Meanwhile, Rep. Mark Souder (R-IN), author of the Higher Education Act
    Drug Provision that has denied federal financial aid to over 140,000
    students with drug convictions, nearly broke into tears upon hearing the
    announcement. "My children are near college age and now they may never
    receive a college education," stated Souder in an impromptu press
    conference with former ONDCP Director John Walters. "There is no way I
    will risk sending my kids to school with a bunch of pot smoking hippies."
    John Walters, looking overly mellow for a man having just lost his job,
    simply passed a blunt and replied, "Just hit this Mark. You need to
    loosen up. You're starting to harsh my buzz."

    Meanwhile marijuana smokers nationwide took to the streets to celebrate
    their newfound freedom. A haze of sweet smelling sativa smoke wafted over
    the nation's capitol as Americans of all walks of life flooded Washington,
    DC for the first ever legal smoke-in. The gathering featured over a
    million people, without a single arrest. "This is the best day of my
    life," said local hot dog vendor Joe Giamatti, "I ran out of hot dogs two
    hours ago and now they're buying up all the buns. Thank you President
    Bush!"

    In the wake of Bush's executive order, NORML's Board of Directors issued a
    statement announcing that the organization will gladly go out of business
    effective April 20. "It took 33 years," said the statement "but our work
    here is finally done. Our staff can finally go home and get baked in
    peace."

    For more information, have a happy April Fools Day. To help make the
    above scenario a reality, join NORML today at www.norml.org.


    ####################
    NORML Media Watch
    NORML was featured prominently in several media outlets this week,
    including United Press International, Roll Call, and The Patriot Ledger.
    To read these articles or about other NORML media appearances, check out
    "NORML in the Media" at:
    http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=5481

    Sign up for NORML's monthly pledge program today!
    https://secure.norml.org/join/pledge.html

    Smokers vote in 2004! Check out the candidate's updated positions on
    marijuana policy. If you have not already done so, register to vote or
    change your voter registration address at:
    http://www.norml.org/index.cfm?Group_ID=5916
    ####################

    ---
     
  2. To remove this ad click here.

  3. karmavore

    karmavore Formula 3

    Dec 29, 2002
    1,641
    Maryland
    Full Name:
    Luke Colorado
  4. TimN88

    TimN88 F1 Veteran

    Jun 12, 2001
    5,032
    Northeast
    Full Name:
    Tim
    If you want to fool peolpe with april fools jokes, think of a better one that is at least a bit believeable, like DrS's. Now that was a good one.
     
  5. G-force

    G-force F1 Rookie

    Aug 4, 2002
    3,053
    so california
    Full Name:
    wayne skiles
    Actually this is just a reprint of an email I recd this morning.
    I don't think anyone would even remotely believe it!
     
  6. HMS

    HMS Formula 3

    Dec 12, 2003
    1,168
    Los Angeles
    Full Name:
    Zack Sursio
    If it was Kerry, I would believe it.
     
  7. To remove this ad click here.

  8. FLATOUTRACING

    FLATOUTRACING F1 Rookie

    Aug 20, 2001
    2,684
    East Coast
    Full Name:
    Jon K.
    If it wasn't April 1st I would believe it. Judging from GW's economic policies and foreign policies he's been smoking that stuff for a long time. Would make sense for him to legalize his own habit.

    Regards,

    Jon P. Kofod
    www.flatoutracing.net
     
  9. infraredline

    infraredline Formula 3

    Mar 15, 2004
    1,029
    San Francisco
    Full Name:
    John
    when is this election thing gonna take place? I'm sick of not being able to smoke a joint in front of cops. F***ing Bush ^_^

     
  10. 96impalaSS

    96impalaSS F1 Rookie

    Dec 8, 2003
    3,504
    Hell
    Full Name:
    Chris
    Dont play with my emotions like this.
     
  11. writerguy

    writerguy F1 Veteran

    Sep 30, 2003
    6,786
    NewRotic
    Full Name:
    Otto
    Dude --- Canada ---
     
  12. To remove this ad click here.

  13. infraredline

    infraredline Formula 3

    Mar 15, 2004
    1,029
    San Francisco
    Full Name:
    John
    Let's go... Ferrari? You drive :)
     
  14. Tyler

    Tyler F1 Rookie

    Dec 19, 2001
    4,274
    dusty old farm town
    Full Name:
    Tyler
    cough, cough....I think I'm getting a contact high from this thread. ;)
     
  15. TexasF355F1

    TexasF355F1 Four Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Feb 2, 2004
    45,832
    Houston
    Full Name:
    Jason
    I certainly wish that were true. It would be a great day for sure.
     
  16. JaguarXJ6

    JaguarXJ6 F1 Veteran

    Feb 12, 2003
    5,439
    Black Hawk, CO
    Full Name:
    Sunny
    I wonder if second hand smoke is legal....hmmm..
     

Share This Page