I haven't seen this set before on here (but it must be old because they talk about Wordperfect)... ------------- HELLO, OPERATOR Actual call center conversations! Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?' Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?' Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.' Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.' +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Samsung Electronics Caller: 'Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?' Operator: 'I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking about.' Caller: 'On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for Jack?' Operator: 'I think it means the telephone plug on the wall.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- RAC Motoring Services Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am traveling in Australia ?' Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while traveling in Europe ) 'If I register my car in France, and then take it to England, do I have to change the steering wheel to the other side of the car?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Directory Enquiries Caller: 'I'd like the number of the Argo Fish Bar, please' Operator: 'I'm sorry, there's no listing. Are you sure that the spelling is correct?' Caller: 'Well, it used to be called the Bargo Fish Bar but the 'B' fell off.' ------------------ ---------------------------------------------------- Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven. Operator: 'Woven? Are you sure?' Caller: 'Yes.. That's what it says on the label -- Woven in Scotland ....' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box told a worried operator: 'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.' Customer: 'OK.' Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?' Customer: 'No.' Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?' Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click'.' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tech Support: 'OK. At the bottom left hand side of your screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?' Customer: 'Wow! How can you see my screen from there?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I just realized that I need it. So, if I turn my system clock back two weeks will I get my file back again?' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.' Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect ..' Operator: 'What sort of trouble??' Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' Operator: 'Went away?' Caller: 'They disappeared' Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?' Caller: 'Nothing.' Operator: 'Nothing??' Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?' Caller: 'How do I tell?' Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?' Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?' Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type..' Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' Caller: 'What's a monitor?' Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?' Caller: 'I don't know.' Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??' Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller: 'Yes, it is.' Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? ' Caller: 'No.' Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' Caller: 'Okay, here it is.' Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer..' Caller: 'I can't reach.' Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?' Caller: 'No..' Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?' Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.' Operator: 'Dark?' Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window.' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.' Caller: 'I can't.' Operator: 'No? Why not?' Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.' Operator: 'A power .... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff that your computer came in?' Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..' Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.' Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?' Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.' Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?' Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'
The two strangest calls I got were both on the same day in fact they were both on the first day I started as a Tier 2 technical service rep. The first call was from a man in Texas. I could barely hear him over the loud noise in the background. Apparently he was calling from his basement using his cellular phone. He had no electricity or cable connection at the time but wanted his Internet service restored immediately. Apparently his house was struck by a tornado even as we were speaking on the phone. He was upset that he couldnt contact his buddies and his insurance company to show them live streaming video of his house being torn apart by the violent winds. (HE thought it would be neat to put on the Internet while it happened.) He proceeded to berate me for not IMMEDIATELY returning his Internet service THAT VERY INSTANT. After all didnt I realize that he was a very valuable customer. I tried to explain to him that his safety should be his first concern but he wasnt having any of that at all. I either returned service right then and there or he was canceling his Internet. I informed him that service was out ALL OVER his area at the time due to bad thunderstorms so he had me cancel his service �but not before hearing his house being ripped from the foundation. The other interesting call was from a man in Tennessee who had lost his cable connection. Again he wanted his service restored IMMEDIATELY. There was only one problem. His coon dogs had eaten four feet of the connection cable to the modem as well as having pulling the physical connector right out of the modem box. I tried to explain that it would take a day before a technician could come and fix the problem and bring out a new modem box etc. I guess he was upset as the next sound I heard was explained as a shotgun blast to the modem and then he said to cancel his Internet subscription as he had taken care of the problem
LOL! I love the WordPerfect Helpline one. The operator was quite correct in his assessment of the caller. All the best, Andrew.
called to activate a new credit card and got sonny in new delhi on the line. we started talking about formula one, force india, sutil, hamilton, alonso to ferrari, for about a half an hour.
I used to work at Progressive in the Auto Pro division selling car insurance. Part of the quote is to ask about tickets and accidents. I'll paraphrase the first part of the conversation but I swear to you that the last two questions are EXACTLY as I said them. Me - "Have you had any at fault accidents in the last 3 years?" Caller - "Well I was in an accident but it wasn't my fault." Me - "Okay, can you tell me what happened?" Caller - "I was driving home one night in a rain storm and I slid off the road and hit a tree." Me - "Unfortunatley that will be considered an At Fault accident." Caller - "I told you it wasn't my fault." Me - " I understand that but a collision with a tree is considered At Fault. Caller - "But there were lots of cars off the road that night." Me- Oh, I'm sorry so there were other cars involved, did someone else hit you?" Caller - "No, I was on the road for about a half an hour and I saw other cars that slid off the road earlier." Me - "Okay so there were other cars off of the road but they were not involved in your incident where you slid off the road and hit a tree." Caller - "Right" Me - "Okay, like I said before if there were no other cars involved with you then it is an At Fault Accident." Caller - "I already told you that it wasn't my fault." Me - "So you were on the road all alone. You were going too fast, lost control, slid off the road and hit a tree." Caller - "It wasn't my fault it was raining." Me - "Let me make this very clear to you. (raising my voice a little) WAS THE TREE GIVEN A TICKET?" Caller - "No" Me - "DID THE TREE'S INSURANCE PAY FOR THE DAMAGE TO YOUR CAR?" Caller - "NO!" Me - "THEN MAAM I'M SORRY BUT THAT IS AN AT FAULT ACCIDENT!" Caller - "I want to talk to your supervisor." We sat in large cubicles with about 10 to 15 other agents within about a 10 yard square and they all had half walls so everyone on the floor started listening when they heard I had a live one on the line. First shift had about 600 agents on the floor so I had a bit of an audience but I didn't realize until I got off the phone. I didn't get written up for it but I heard that they were still using the recording in the training classes as an example of how not to respond up until a few years ago. Good times.
I also had calls from one person who hit a herd of sheep crossing the road, half were pregnant. And another who had the door of his Geo Storm ripped off by a Bull who had escaped his enclosure. While he was in the car at a stop sign. The horns came right through the door panel.
You know what? Something similar almost happened to me!! I was driving very slowly in a sleepy little country village looking for a parking spot near the post office and a bull half leapt, half crashed through a wooden fence and started trotting towards me. I sped up a little to get away from it (possibly a mistake) and it broke into a run after me. So I just floored it and got the heck outa there... I called the emergency services to report it (no idea who else I could have called), but they weren't interested as nobody had been hurt. I would have thought a bit of preventative action would have been in order, but they weren't interested and suggested I go back to tell the farmer myself... are they crazy?! No idea how it was resolved in the end. All the best, Andrew.
Ducman's stories remind me of a collection of comments people put on car insurance claims that were flying around the internet a few years ago. A lot were collected by the british comedian Jasper Carrot and are well known in the UK. I'll see if I can dig some out.
Found some funny motor insurance claims "I was driving along the motorway when the police pulled me over onto the hard shoulder. Unfortunately I was in the middle lane and there was another car in the way.." (Thanks M Robson) "Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.." (Thanks N Bradley) "I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof." (from an Australian claim form - Thanks N Shepherd) "The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind." (Thanks Sharon Burrows) "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought." "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket." Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: Travelled by bus? The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were - Q: What warning was given by you? A: Horn. Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo. "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard." "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke." "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control." "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight" "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk." Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: "I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan." "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car." "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo." "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again" "I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment." "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention." "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way" "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face" "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car" "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole." "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car." "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident." "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished." "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows." "Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have." "I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it." "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him." "I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident." "As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before." "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian." "My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle." "I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull." "I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him." "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him." "I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car." "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth." "The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end." "The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing. " "I had been learning to drive with power steering. I turned the wheel to what I thought was enough and found myself in a different direction going the opposite way." "I was backing my car out of the driveway in the usual manner, when it was struck by the other car in the same place it had been struck several times before." "When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car." "The accident happened when the right front door of a car came round the corner without giving a signal." "No one was to blame for the accident but it would never have happened if the other driver had been alert." "I was unable to stop in time and my car crashed into the other vehicle. The driver and passengers then left immediately for a vacation with injuries." "The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him." "I saw her look at me twice. She appeared to be making slow progress when we met on impact." "The accident occurred when I was attempting to bring my car out of a skid by steering it into the other vehicle." "I bumped into a lamp-post which was obscured by human beings." "The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week." "I knocked over a man; he admitted it was his fault for he had been knocked down before."
