Creative Stories From Beggars: Heard a new one tonight!

There's no use talking to them, since it's evident they have a problem listening to people; they've drank away their friends, their family, their jobs. They aren't going to listen to your witty retorts or unwanted advice.

Nor are they deserving of it, I give them neither a thought nor a dime....a dime! Nary a dime, not a penny, not a single penny in passing, no.

Let them sell their dignity to someone else, I'm not buying. Not today, not ever.

 

someone's been reading edgar allen poe and is still thinking in iambic pentameter.

 

Not a good word, for I have drunk all the iambic pentameter two days in passing.

 

!!!!!

 

I was putting gas in my commission a couple years ago when an older man approached me and asked for a ride. I asked him where he was trying to go - he stated he was out of beer and didn't have a car but the only liquor store still open at this hour was across town. I explained to him that the only people that I give rides to are "charged" and then added that these people are taken to jail... He was perplexed, so I opened my back door so he could see and hear the various sorts of police equipment. He got the hint, and politely withdrew his request. My commission is unmarked, btw...

 

...wameter...

 

I'm a Colonial, please elaborate.
a 'commission' is an unmarked police car?

 

yes - 06 Ford Escape with blacked out windows and hidden strobes.

 

I live in Detroit.

The very first day I moved here within the very first hour of being moved in, my roommate and I were walking down the sidewalk to the grocery store near our campus, and just as we were crossing a side street, we hear fast running footsteps behind us. We both look back, and it's a homeless guy running from the CVS store we had just left carrying three bundles of toilet paper, with a fat woman cashier chasing him. I just looked at my roommate as he passed us and shook my head.

As far as the rest of the Detroit bums go, they do what they want. Some are so cracked out they don't even know what they're doing...so you'll see them happily perusing the middle of the street on Woodward Ave. during rush hour while mumbling to themselves. Most of the time, if they ask you for money, and you refuse they just get mad at you, as if it's your obligation to give them money.

I can say you did the right thing, ryalex. If I gave money in moderation to every bum I came across, I'd be the beggar soon. Perfect example: At Ohio State University (as if it isn't already a messed up school as is) they have a bum there known as the "Rapping Bum." The guy will start freestyling to whatever your names are, and he's pretty good actually. Anyways, by now, the guy knows everyone on campus, drives a Jeep now, and has a shoddy CD that sells at all the local campus hangouts. Kids even by his T-Shirt that says "Help Is On The Way," which happens to be his motto that pretty much gets included in every rap he does.

 

I don't normally donate to the wretches of society...but I would give this guy 5 bucks for his honesty.
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Back when I was in L-school in New Orleans, a girlfriend & I were studying at a coffee shop Uptown. This lady walked in with a legal pad (full of names), a pen & a picture of three toddlers.

With a straight face she walks up to us and says that her house burned down last night & she needed money to bury her kids. Of course my girlfriend's voice goes up ten octaves and she becomes weepy. This lady proceeds to give us the long horrible story about how all three of her children burnt to death the night before & all the time she is showing us the names of people that gave to her cause (on the legal pad) complete with donation amounts...(some of them in the hundreds of dollars).

Around the time my girlfriend and everyone else in the coffee shop within earshot of her story starts reaching for their $$$, I point out (rather sarcastically) that she sure is taking the death of her THREE toddlers pretty well. She did not even look like she had been crying!!!! I KNOW mother's who have lost their children, and they were all DEEPLY depressed and distraught for a LONG time...definitely too distraught to be walking the streets the DAY AFTER they lost their child & begging for money with the composure this lady exhibited....I could not believe that this lady was able to do this the DAY AFTER she supposedly lost her three toddlers with no apparent side affects or grief!!!

Needless to say, the room went silent when I made my observation & she started stuttering and stammering when a nearby student asked her how she managed to save the picture and not her children...What made it worse was I had my laptop/internet right in front of me and checked to see if her "story" made the news....when I showed her that it had not (and we all know that a house fire in which 3 toddlers die would make the news), she grabbed her stuff and stormed out.

Intially, it was a good scam, and God only knows how much $$$ she collected using that one.