Damned Yankees

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by TestShoot, Mar 14, 2004.

  1. TestShoot

    TestShoot F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Sep 1, 2003
    Beverly Hills
    Full Name:
    Gotta love my guys, I stuck with them and got in on great box seats during the Mattingly years!


    Thank you for your interest in becoming a member of the New York Yankees
    Fan Club. Due to an unprecedented volume of requests, we are currently
    processing only fan conversion registrations for Boston Red Sox fans.
    Conversion requests from other teams will be accepted once all Red Sox
    requests are processed. We expect this to take a number of weeks based on
    the current backlog of requests.

    Please take a few moments to fill out the conversion form below to help us
    get to know you better and prescribe any required counseling to recover
    from your previous fan experience.


    Last (Please Print) First MI


    # Street

    City State Zip

    1. Please indicate the last time you watched the Boston Red Sox win the
    World Series:

    [ ] 1918 (Please leave this form at the front desk of your nursing home)
    [ ] Have never witnessed this event

    2. Please indicate your favorite moments in Red Sox history: (Check all
    that apply)

    [ ] Babe Ruth sold to the Yankees
    [ ] Pesky holds the ball as the Yankees score the winning run in '48
    [ ] Bob Gibson shuts down the Sox in the '67 Series
    [ ] Sox trade Sparky Lyle to the Yankees for Danny Carter
    [ ] Big Red Machine beats the Sox in Game 7 of the '75 Series
    [ ] Sox lose 14½ game lead to the Yankees in '78
    [ ] Bucky Dent homers in '78 playoff game
    [ ] Bob Stanley throws wild pitch in 6th game of '86 Series
    [ ] Grounder goes through Bill Buckner's legs in the 6th game of the '86 Series
    [ ] Future Hall of Famer Wade Boggs signs to play with the Yankees
    [ ] Wade Boggs rides policeman's horse after Yanks win '96 Series
    [ ] Future Hall of Famer Roger Clemens traded to the Yankees
    [ ] Roger Clemens wins game 4 for the Yanks to clinch the '99 Series
    [ ] Aaron Boones game-winning homerun in the 11th inning of game 7 of the '03 ALCS

    3. Reasons you believe the Sox have not won a World Series since 1918:
    (Check all that apply)

    [ ] The curse of the Babe
    [ ] Lack of Pitching
    [ ] The curse of the Babe
    [ ] Lack of Hitting
    [ ] The curse of the Babe
    [ ] Lack of Defense
    [ ] The curse of the Babe
    [ ] Bad calls by Umpires
    [ ] The curse of the Babe

    4. Have you experienced any of the following after another inevitable Red
    Sox loss: (Check all that apply)

    [ ] Headache [ ] Uncontrolled Anger
    [ ] Heartache [ ] Holes punched in doors or walls
    [ ] Nausea [ ] Smashed TV screens
    [ ] Depression [ ] Avoided Yankee fans for days or weeks

    5. Is October your least favorite time of year? [ ] Yes [ ] No

    6. Are you tired of saying "Wait till next year? [ ] Yes [ ] No

    7. Are you ready to admit that:

    a) Joe DiMaggio was better than Ted Williams? [ ] Yes [ ] No
    b) Thurman Munson was better than Carlton Fisk? [ ] Yes [ ] No
    c) Derek Jeter is better than Nomar Garciaparra? [ ] Yes [ ] No
    d) Don Zimmer is a managerial genius? [ ] Yes [ ] No
    e) The Sox will be no better this century than the last? [ ] Yes [ ] No
    f) The "Green Monster" is ugly and stupid? [ ] Yes [ ] No

    Once you have completed this form, please forward to Yankee Stadium. Then
    burn all your remaining Red Sox clothing, memorabilia, and associated
    reminders. After reviewing your request, the Yankee Fan Club will contact
    you with notification of acceptance or rejection.

    If accepted, you will receive:

    * A recommended recuperation program which includes a recording of
    Frank Sinatra singing "New York, New York" over and over again
    * An opportunity to obtain tickets to the 2004 World Series at
    Yankee Stadium
    * Posters of Boggs and Clemens in Yankee uniforms wearing their
    championship rings
    * A dart board sporting a picture of Yaz
    * A copy of our popular handbook, "Harassing Red Sox Fans for Fun
    and Profit"
    * A coupon for a future poster of Pedro Martinez in a Yankee uniform
    * A special DVD of Many Ramirez defensive highlights and a never-
    before-seen video of his audition for the Tin Man in the Wizard of
    Oz singing "If I Only had a Heart"
    * A one-year subscription to a weekly support group for ex-Red Sox
    fans in your area

    If rejected, you will receive:

    * Our pity and condolences, plus a 26 second video capturing the
    past 100 years of Red Sox highlights in head-to-head competition
    against the Yankees narrated by George "Boomer" Scott

    I hereby renounce the Boston Red Sox for all eternity on this the

    _______day of_________________, 200__



    (Office Use Only)

    [ ] Approved
    George M. Steinbrenner

    [ ] Declined

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  3. dm_n_stuff

    dm_n_stuff Three Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Too good.

    One of my sales guys is a die hard Red Sox fan, its on it's way to him now.

    Any chance I get to take a shot I do.

    To show how deluded this Sox fan is, he thinks the addition of Curt Schilling will finally put them over the top. Over the hill is more like it.

    We knew him in Philly to be a spoiled brat who threw hard, and pissed off everyone around him, so, good luck with him in boston.
  4. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    The new owner of the Dodgers is the biggest Red Sox fan out there.....go figure!

  5. dm_n_stuff

    dm_n_stuff Three Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    I just heard the Red Sox were sold to a guy from the Philipines. He's moving the team down there and renaming them........

    the Manila Folders!
  6. TestShoot

    TestShoot F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Sep 1, 2003
    Beverly Hills
    Full Name:
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  8. Tennlee

    Tennlee Formula Junior

    Feb 10, 2002
    Great Smoky Mountains
    Haha! That's great!

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