I do realize there is probably a few threads about this, but cnbf searching and writing on the end of an old thread. About two weeks ago now, my girlfriend and i took a break. This was her decision, and she felt she needed it to get her head round some issues and figure out what she wants to do in the future. (Just finished high school - yr12) We had been together for almost two years. She felt we were growing apart, and she just didn't feel the attraction to me anymore. She felt trapped in the relationship, and felt that the 'break' was in order. The rough part is though, she came round right after her exam, at the very start of her holidays. She told me she wanted to get a few things off her mind, and i had known we were going to have a chat for quite awhile, however doing it while her exams were underway would only stress her more. She told me not to worry many times before, which i did, however I was under the assumption that we were just taking a break and may get back together, however i had a feeling in my gut that it would be the end of the relationship. However she is only 18 and I am 21, so in my opinion she still has some growing up to do. One week later she goes out on a Thursday night and ends up picking up a guy who has been after her for awhile. I also really disliked this guy for a long time. I asked her why she did this and she claimed that it was mutual, however she feels really sorry, yada yada yada and that she feels guilty. However she said she can't say wether she will or will not do this again. Obviously i feel pretty crushed. She had been so good to me for two years, and we were pretty happy together as far as i could tell. And then this pretty much came straight out of the blue. How was i to know that she'd be selfish and fck up like that?? It's been almost two weeks now since i've seen her and I'm trying to avoid all contact with her. The hard part with dealing with a break up though is that wherever i go, I'm constantly reminded of her. My friends have been here for me which has been a huge help, and I've got work to keep me busy during the days to try and keep my mind off things. I realize what some of the responses will be, like go fck one of her friends which as funny as it is, is not on the cards as I'm just not like that. Only time will help, but it's adjusting to life without her, that's so hard and not having her companionship anymore Life can be a B1TCH can't it?
been there, done that. You're still young mate, go out and enjoy the world, relationships are like that sometimes and all of us had taste the sweet and the sour. learn from your relationships and wether if it was/is/will be yours and her/his (? lolz jk) fault and hoping the same situation won't happen again.
Sorry to hear this Jimmy. As has been mentioned, we have all been there, done that. I too was 21yrs old when my g/f at the time wanted a "break". We never got back together again after a 2 year relationship. She was also 18yrs old and was a really good girl. We had the best time over those 2 years. The break came about all of a sudden. 1 month later, she was going out with another mate, whom I also never saw eye to eye with for other reasons. She dated that guy for a few years also, and said the same thing to him. She wanted a "break" from the relationship again. She dumped him and hooked up with his friend a few months later. I have moved on...........in a BIG WAY! I know its hard to forget about her in the short term, but time heals all wounds mate. You will bounce back, bigger and badder than ever. Before you know it, you will find another g/f who you will love just as much. Life is too short to dwell on these things mate. I am glad I moved on from that ex and am VERY happy with my current g/f Nicole. She is the best girl in the world!!
Bro, i've been in that situation a few times now, and to tell u the truth, i'm just not bothered anymore. your right in one section tho, whenever she says she wants space, too much of things on her mind, etc etc, this is actually the end of the road for her with u. but keep your head up and move on bro. dump her if u have too ( which i strongly suggest ). she's already giving you hints here, ie, going out with another guy on mutual terms. thats all BS. go out there, pick yourself up, flirt around abit. don't kill yourself over this. not easy at first, but u know, ur 21, just like me so, it's a whole world out there. just scoop any girls that come along your way now. never miss an opportunity. forget about this girl now. now, go out there and hunt! remember, we men, are predators!
That's a tough one. Sounds like you're doing the right thing by staying busy. Just try to let things heal then when you're ready someone else will come along and it will be even better. Good luck. PS - your post is well written. Sadly if it was written by a kid here it'd most likely be full of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors.
I have 3 friends who have had their engagements broken off in the past few years. Choice of the women, not their own decision. One of which got re-engaged to the same girl twice. Two of them are brothers. What they've learned from this is that sitting in sorrow is a waste of time. Yes, there will be pain, but to sit around or start to party extra hard to make up for it doesn't do any good. Just stay busy, and have fun with friends, and need be confide in your friends you trust. But don't do this constantly, as it can alienate your friends from you. If you're gonna be "Grumpy Gus" no one wants to be around you. My best to you. You'll be fine.
It doesn't get any better with the memories. But time apart, distance apart, creating that distance and perhaps avoiding contact is the best thing you can do. Drop me a PM and I can send you a link to a particular thread on another site which might help out.
Unless you marry the girl, they will all end in heart brake....so find one you can marry and you won't get hurt like that. BTW, since she was 16 and you were 19 when you got together, I'd say maybe next time set your sites on a slightly more mature croud, what did you expect from a 18 yo high school girl? what you're doing is illegal where I come from.
Thanks for all the kind words guys. I'm going to try and stay busy - it will be the best thing i can do. It was her decision to separate, but thinking about it, I'm not sure i would have married her had we stayed together. Pap, is there some sort of theme going on here with girls wanting a break, then hooking up soon after? It must be their age SrfCity thanks, i hope my grammar and spelling are alright. It annoys me when people's spelling isn't correct. TexasF355F1, people do feel alienated when you're grumpy don't they? I try not to bring it up at all unless someone else does. But it's quite hard not having her to confide in anymore. The adjusting phase is hard but i've been keeping busy. JoshVette - i don't quite know what i was thinking, and i do realize at one point it was illegal. That said we shared a good two years together without her being too immature. However you are right, next time i will set my sights on a slightly more mature crowd, because in my opinion at 18yr's old all she wants to do is go out, drink and pickup. I guess we're at different stages of our lives so that makes sense.
Jimbo, let me the first to congratulate you! Best thing that ever happened was this split occurring exactly how, why and when it did! Not one thing should have been done differently. Not one. What it was is now past tense. Learn from it and move on. You've got 5 minutes to shape up, Mister. What matters now? What is, and what is to come in many a surprising guise. Get used to that fact of life, and you'll be prepared for whatever [girl, biz, experience, whatever] replaces this [girl] as the best thing that ever happened, and when that [girl, biz, experience, whatever] gets replaced... You'll find that you'll be able to get over *it* [all of the above whatevers] in 5 minutes, while chalking 'em up to living and learning. Gawd, what I wouldn't give to be young and stupid again! So, if getting over this means stripping off all your clothes and jump around, hollering, "I'm free, freeeeeeeee..." Please, for the love of all that is holy, do not look at my avatar, a timepiece [digital or analog] or handle explosives, [especially handheld bottle rockets] or scissors while jumping around for what you think is 5 minutes. Whatever you do to get over *it* - go out and have a good time, taking care to put clothes back on first if options in previous paragraph were exercised. If you're feelin' feisty, you might even want to shower first, and change into a different set of clothes. But, then again, sometimes, ya just gotta be an animal, so those sweaty-ass rags you had on before you started jumping around like a [formerly] deranged loon might fulfill that requirement. Next time, you won't need to jump around. Unless you're a faaaaaaaaaaag. In which case, can't help ya there, pal.
Do not contact her. Do not call her. Do not send her an e-mail. Do not acknowledge her existence. This is the best advice I can give. I wish you all the best.
Hahaha thanks Wax, as they say, thats life - and things move on. This week i plan to be getting out and having fun. I don't know if i'll be losing my clothes and jumping around just yet. Life can be cruel. However i wouldn't marry her, so being single is probably the best thing for me. But anyway only one more year at uni, then i can go out and work - so for now my plan is to enjoy my summer holidays and then get back into uni for one last year.
I went to catchup with one of her hot model friends yesterday evening She's taken though, but very good to talk to. And my ex would probably be pissed if she knew i was hanging out with her friends I should do that more often eh?
No. Your hanging out with her friend to hopefully rile her up? Lose the attachment to her, its going to get you no where at this point. Let it go. I dated the same girl from when I was 15-16 years old up until I was 23, about 6.5 years. She was a good girl, a definite "total package" so to speak. She basically tapped me on the foot one day while I was sleeping and told me it was over. Its a long story, but just letting you know that MANY of us have been there and just cus its over with her doesnt mean your life is over. Ive dated tons of girls since and its been way way more fun. Im not looking to really marry anyone until my later 20s, so for now it really couldnt be better. Your young dude- suck this one up and keep moving.
Sounds about the best advice to give. She wants to stay friends, but i feel until i can be civil with her, then no can do.
"The first cut is always the deepest" I don't have any good advice to give, but time does heal and there are plenty more fish in the sea. Believe me, I broke up with my GF when I was 20 and we were eachothers first BF/GF, both virgins, both in love, both cute and curious etc etc etc but in the end she moved 300 miles from me to study and we got tired of missing eachother - so after a while she broke up. It did hurt for several months (I f'd up my sleeping routine for 4 months because I couldn't get any sleep at all) but I did manage to get over her. When people told me I would get over her, I never listened, because it's hard to believe that you'll love someone again - but that's the beauty of it - you probably will. I was all "I'll always love her" yada yada and a part of me still have a special place for her in my heart, and I loved someone else as much as I loved my first. The absoloutely worst hit on a guy is when he realizes that his ex-GF has got herself a new man. That puts salt on a already bloody wound. That's the worst feeling I know of. To me personally when I break up with someone I have strong feelings for, I expect it to be a whole lot of pain - and then the same amount of pain again once she's moved on with another male. I'm not seeing my first GF anymore, because she's moved somewhere without leaving a note. I think I was too annoying in the end. Try not to be annoying to her. If she's moved on, she's moved on! I learned my lesson. After the second break up, I said to my second GF: "It will break my heart to see you with another guy, but I know everybody needs someone so I'll probably be very happy for you if you're happy" - and today we have a healthy friendship. The second time it was just as bad (what I felt then), but I did get over her even quicker. This is a part of life and one just have to be a man and take it like a man. Get rid of things that reminds you of her. Don't throw it all away, just store it somewhere that's unavailable on a daily basis. Cut out the contact with the girl for perhaps 4-6 months, and then you can be friends. The last sentence is the best advice after the break up. I know it hurts, dry your eyes mate and push things forward.
Oh btw don't throw away any love-letters and stuff like that, chicks go NUTS if a guy throws their letters away after a break-up
Get used to this. Women will always leave you & go with some biker ****** who isn't worth a crap. That is because the biker ****** knows how to beat his woman & lie to her to keep her around. Nice guys don't get to keep women because we can't abuse them. Many books have been written on how to act like a jerk to keep a woman. It's a sad reality, but reality nonetheless... Just be glad she's gone. You say that she wasn't marriage material - imagine if she got pregnant! You'd be stuck with her, or with monthly ****** payments. Time to reflect upon the good things that came from this relationship. I'm sure you've learned much about yourself, and what you want in a woman. Keep your head up. It takes time... NOT 5 minutes, but if it takes too long, go get some happy pills Then go out & enjoy yourself. Work towards that Ferrari!!!
I totally understand where you're coming from. That's why you need to start confiding in the friends you trust, and/or siblings parents. Now I can't confide in my parents about most things because it makes my mom a nervous wreck. I refuse to have her worry any more than she already does. Don't fret, I've been down in the dumps probably worse than a lot of folks. Not sure if you're religious at all, but if so attempt finding a congregation of any denomination or non-denomination that promotes a pastor that speaks on relating to real life hardships. It's amazing what someone you don't know can spark in you. Again, best of luck. It takes time but you'll be back on your feet chasing new tail in no time.
That is pretty much what happened to me. I was dating a girl off and on for a few years and she got pregnant. I am now 25 with a 3 year old son. Not exactly the plan I had for myself, but I do love spending time with my son (even if it means I still have to deal with my ex). Since then I have realized that if a relationship doesn't work the first time, it won't work anytime after that. As has been said before, there are plenty of fish in the barrell..er sea..
While I understand where you're coming from, I hate that expression! I am WAY too picky, so for me there is (at best) a handful. I fill the time between with Ferraris, cigars and good films Enjoy the silence, as Depeche once said!
