Dealing with Break-ups

Things are getting sorted out in my head. Identified what four things I needed closure on and got it. The rest I can handle... time will take care of it.

Doing stuff around the house this weekend to get rid of what few faded ghosts are left and making it my own.

Thanks for the help and advice, everybody. You have no idea how much the interaction here (as well as being able to vent some feelings someplace) helped.

 

You're most welcome....that's what we're here for.

 

I'm just repeating this because it's such incredible advice, and I'm finding myself needing it again, rereading it, trying to commit it word-for-word to memory...

 

Yeah, we have all had sucky break ups. The crazies, the ones that tell all your/her friends you're an a55hole ca55erole. Yeah, try this one on for size, ever been sued by an ex? Yeah, I thought it would never happen, but ta-da! Last week I got a nice little letter from a lawyer.

 

I just got out of a semi-relationship with a girl. Only with each other for a couple of months but it sucks getting out of it with her more then any of the other girls Ive been with. She is top of her class and going to an Ivy league school all while having the prettiest face and amazing body. We were together for only a couple months and she said to me last week that she really likes me but doesnt want to get attached because she is starting to and she is going away in a few months to school. I accepted and asked her if she wanted to remain friends she said ofcourse, also asked if she wanted to remain serious at all and she said if it happens it happens. I had some performance issues at the wrong time and was wondering if that would do it or if she is serious in what she said. Even after my inability to perform two days we still were hanging out for another month.

She hasnt called I havent called her and I only see her at work(we work together...). I have to give her something Ive been holding on to for her, and was thinking that I should talk to her when I go to her house and pretty much tell her if its over tell me dont say you really like me to be nice. At first she was giving me hints that she just wanted to be "fun" buddies but thats not what I want right now, I know its weird that Im 18 and saying that.

Any advice?

 

You are toast. "Buddies, friends, pals,..etc,....those are all code words for: "I'm boffing somebody else." Stick a fork in yourself. You're done.

 

Have a friend give the thing to her instead of you doing it. That will tell her its over, and you won't be tempted.

 

do you think there's a 'dealing with break-ups thread' on a chick forum somewhere out there where people are posting ...

"i've been going out with this guy for a year now and been doofing someone on the side for the last couple months and there's a guy at the office who i've snogged and stuff. i'd like to keep seeing this new guy but want the old boyfriend to just be friends but still pine after me in case i get bored of the new guy and want to go back. what do i do?"

 

Probably, but I think there are probably more threads with female posters that closely resemble this one.

There are definitely some ridiculous girls out there. My roommate freshman year had a boyfriend back home who was still a senior in high school. In the meantime, she, of course, meets someone new at college and starts going at it with the new guy. But she didn't have the heart to tell her old boyfriend. Finally after about a month, the old boyfriend calls and tells her that he's slept with another girl. And my roommate loses it. She's screaming, calling him a cheater... she's very angry.

But in my experience, she's the exception and not the rule. Breakups can certainly be as devastating for the other half. I promise!

 

Do I say anything to her cuz I want to get **** off my chest right now. Ill live no big deal but i hate playin games.

 

may as well get it out the way. no matter what sage advice anyone gives here, you're going to ignore it and scratch the itch. the only way you can avoid this in future is by getting it over with and feeling crap now, even then it's not guarantee it won't happen another half-dozen times over the next 10 years before you stop torturing yourself.

f^&k it, it's just life.

 

We probably shouldn't give you advice, because if you love her, you're going to do whatever you want to do.

But aside from that

From an objective stance, if I were you, I wouldn't drag things out talking to her- especially if she'll be leaving soon. If you really feel you need to speak to her to finish it, wait a couple months, and if you still feel like you need to talk to her, do it... but you'll probably find you've both moved on.

 

I was with her 2 months lol. I mena i liked her more then people Ive been with longer than that. Dont think I love her, thats a strong word. Does kind of hurt but I brought it upon myself cuz she told me she didnt want a relationship and I made it into one. We got serious blah blah. When we first started hanging out she was hinting she only wanted to be screwing buddies, I didnt want that for some reason.

She is the only girl who if Im broken up with would still want to be friends with cuz she is just cool like that.

Think Im just going to talk to her anyway like you said haha . Thanks anyway.

 

ok then. pork her best friend/sister/mum/hairdresser.

 

Don't do that either.

 

You sure? Or is it because a strong liking still lingers? Make sure you know the answer for yourself. It's important!

 

Where the hell is the rolleyes smiley?!?

 

DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Your right man. Im not too sure, I guess it is sort of soon to decide that. We will see after I go to the Yankee game with her that someone got us tickets for.....If she still takes me hahaha

 

I'm confused. I think maybe you guys aren't actually really broken up yet.

 

We are. Someone just got us Yankee tickets when we were together.

 

Your reaction is enough to say that you still do, but, just take it light, that's my best advice.

You don't have to answer here how you still feel about her, that is for you to know and you to decide if you want to share. I was just saying to keep that thought in your mind to help keep things from getting confused, no worries

And like you said, it hasn't been much time. You will be surprised how much difference even a couple of weeks can make.

 

Thanks man . Im actually talking to her right now on AIM. Didnt talk to her abot our relationship at all, but was thinking of just telling her if she doesnt like me tell me I will get over it, dont try not to hurt me by saying you like me a lot and have me thinking there is still something. Im also expecting to get hurt pretty bad by asking this but it will make moving on easier I think and me stronger later on....

 

Im about to get eaten alive in 1 minute . I just said something really messed up but oh well.

 

Roll with it. At minimum things are in the open, so that's a good thing, right??

If she expresses confusion, frustration, indignation, or anything along those lines, that means it's time to retool and move on. Annoying, hurtful, sure. It happens. All it means is that in the future you will be more adept at being prepared for the various situations like this that you will end up in.

 

Thats life, just rolling with it.

Just got done talking with her. She just made it so damn confusing for me to understand her, I pretty much asked am I moving on or do want anything. She is going away in a few months wants to stay single and said moving on. I will get over it no big deal. It was fun going out to dinner, rolling around in a car, watching a movie, etc. I was more confused then her as she is a damn genious but all is good. I appreciate your advice man. You did help a lot the rest only time can help with.

Im 18 should I really be looking for a relationship?!?