Dealing with my first death

Sorry Alex. Life ain't fair.

Best to you, and Devon's Family.

Simon

 

Alex, I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. I recommend you go to the funeral to get some closure. The best thing to do is just remember him.

 

Go to the funeral, but skip the viewing. The image of them in the casket you will never forget. And it's not a way you want to remember people. I like to remember them from the good time. Not the image of them toes up.

 

Actually, I think you should go to the viewing. Most younger people spend years of their lives not really thinking about the mortality of their loved ones, and only when they lose someone do they begin to think about the void in their lives that has been created. Use it to begin to appreciate your relationship with your family, and to recognize that you too are mortal so you don't take your time on this rock for granted.

 

Sorry to hear about your loss. This has been a rough year for me as well. My Great Aunt and Grandmother passed away in Nov., and my fraternity brother passed in Jan. (right before I came back to school). He had JUST graduated, that was tough. You'll get through it though. As for the viewing, it really comes down to how you can handle these things, even if you see him lying there you will always remember how he was before that.

 

Alex, I'm very sorry to hear about this. I hope you can cope with everything ok.

 

Alex sorry to hear about it. I lost a friend in grade school and I was kind of drifting away from her too. I know exactly how you feel Don't let the guilt build up, trust me it doesn't feel good, and he can only be in a better place now.

 

Alex,

I feel your pain man. At 36, I believe I'm a bit older than you. But 10 years ago I lost a very close friend to a car accident. It was very painful, closure was difficult. I echo the advice you've already received--pay your respects and try to put it behind you.

Let me impart a piece of wisdom on you. As you age this will be a more regular occurance in your life. Be prepared. You never know where it will come from.

Good luck.

Duane

 

That first death of a friend is hard. It makes you think about everything you didn't do, or should have done and even remembering the last moments you saw them.

The best you can do now is to pray for his family to be strong during this time. You also can take this as a lesson and if you pass by someone you were friends with but just lost touch with each other, or even just knew but had respect for, be the one to stop and say hi. You'd be surprised at the reaction you get.

Best wishes.

 

This is tough, man. I feel for ya. A good, long-time friend of mine passed last year on Easter Sunday. He was doing something stupid and it finally bit him. Knew the guy for 10 years and we didn't talk much the past few years. I still cannot believe he's gone, though. Some of the best days of my life were spent hanging with this person...got me through a lot. Since he passed, I haven't felt right about us not speaking the few years before and I now keep a picture of him on my desk.

So, my advice is to go to the viewing and listen to what GoFerrari said. Be there for the family and get some closure.

RMX

 

My condolences to you & Devon's family.

 

Alex mate i dont know what to say to you sorry, i have been where you are many a time and it feels different each time, the saying "time is a healer" is very apt and true mate.

 

What a terrible tragedy. It's hard to explain what would cause the driver error after reading about it. RIP.

 

Life is too damn short, and you never know... This is why I treat 99.9% of people with respect, and try, even if it means using "tough love" to get them to play nice as well. Those who are a lost cause, I treat with the scorn they've earned. Read the linked articles, and can say this kid didn't earn scorn, he earned respect... and in the end, condolences for his family and loved ones.

 

LOUSY advice. Countless studies have shown that confronting the reality of death actually helps a person move through the grief process. I will quote literature if you care to hear it.

My best to you I know how hard these things can be.

 

Alex.

So sorry to hear about your friends passing. None of us know how we will react to things such as this but somehow we make it through and life goes on. Go to the funeral and the viewing. Say good-bye to your friend.

I have been to six different funerals in the last 18 months of friends and family members. Of course I am much older than you so many of my friends and acquaintances are getting older all the time. It is tough and does not get any easier.

Just last week I was informed that a man who I traveled and raced with when I was racing motorcycles professionally back in the 70's and who became a very good friend had died of cancer. He had come by a couple of years ago with two motorcycles on a trailer and invited me to go out to the M/X track with him and hit a couple of laps just for old times sake. I told him I was too busy and did not go. After hearing of his death I really wish I had made the time to spend an hour or two with him. Now I will never have that chance again. And then yesterday I read that another man who I dragraced cars with back in the 60's and 70's had also died of cancer. Ronnie Sox was a great person and the best 4-speed race shifter ever and he will be missed. I raced with him for 15 years and somehow just drifted out of touch with him since the middle 80's. I should never have let that happen.

Take the time to spend time with people who mean something to you. YOu will never get that chance again. I know, I let too many of them slip by. I hold fast to the good memories and you should also. The memories will keep them alive in your heart and that is something no one can take away......Take care my friend and may God be with you at this time..and always.

 

Life is short. Shorter for some than others. It is always a shock when someone you know dies who is that young. When I was a freshman at PSU my high school buddy who sat next to me in one class died after getting hepatitus. We didn't even know it until the school break and his family keep it quiet. I guess they were so upset. He was only 19. He was a fun loving guy and a nice guy with a smile on his face all the time. It is terrible when a young person doesn't get to play out his life.

 

The first person I ever knew who died was my own mom. She died a week ago this morning. I'm still in shock. She was too young. The hard times are just beginning for my brother, my dad and I

It's really incomprehensible when the one person you'd do absolutely anything for is taken away from you for no reason. It makes you want to just give up. But I always think, whenever I'm about to lose it, how my mom would feel if she knew how distraught I was. And the last thing I want to do is upset her so I usually stop. The service is on Saturday and I'm definitely going to speak. It should be beautiful.

And about viewing: my mom was cremated so I don't have to worry. But I sat with her for a good hour or two after she had passed in the hospital. I whispered in her ear everything I never got to tell her, but meant to. That helped a bit. For an open-casket, don't listen to anyone else, do what you feel comfortable doing.

 

Lousy thread for a debate.

My condolences to you Alex. It's a tough fact of life but you'll be ok soon.

 

I am not trying to incite a debate on the topic. I am just trying to tell him that if he feels that he needs to pay his respects to his friend it is only natural to want to say goodbye.

A death can be tough to deal with at any age but with someone so young the difficulty is increased incrementally.

 

I lost my best friend in high school 3 days before graduation. I lost my best life long friend of 38 years this week. I am 56 and can tell you that death does not get any easier to accept as your life goes on. Learning how to accept, adjust and move on is a must.

Again, sorry for you loss. Two things I do not enjoy, funerals or weddings.