Feeling Blue...My Life Problems

I can relate to what you are feeling right now. My sister passed away in Sept after battling with Cancer for nearly a year. On top of that my mother broke her hip right around the beginning of 2008. The worst part was the 2 of them were living in NM and I was in NC and IL at the time. On top of that I had a good job in Phx. until i was pushed out by corp. politics. After failing to find suitable work in Phx. I moved to NC on an offer that turned out to be total BS. In a years time it was time to pack up and and move to IL for another opportunity.

While things are going quite well for me here now. Life has taken another twist for myself. I recently found out that I fathered a child when I lived in Phx. It turns out the mother and child relocated to Idaho. At first I was fearful that the mother was looking to take me to the cleaners but it turns out that she decided that she was being selfish about my daughter and wants me involved in there life. So it looks like I might be making another move again.

I guess the best way to describe it is there are a lot of variables in life that you cannot control. While times may seem like nothing is going right for yourself there is always an opportunity to get the best out of it. For example I used the frustration and fear of not knowing what was going to happen with my daughter to take my fitness program to a new level helping me lose 30 pounds in 2 months and tone up quite well. Now I am looking forward to being a father, this was something that I never had planned on being yet I am excited now. I have had several weeks of sleepless nights and days that I could not focus on my job and my life, but I feel that I can see a light at the end of what was a dark tunnel.

Keep focused on your studies it will pay off for you in the long run. Find something to help take your mind off of you stress I.E. going to the gym, taking up a new hobby, Etc. Hang in there it will get better for you it will just take time to get there.

 

Everybody gets their turn in the barrel. The valleys make the hills. Life is just life and it has the ups and downs. Control the things you can and accept the things you can not change and move on. I have had several bad things happen in my life and I try to set a new course and keep a positive attitude. Even in a terrible situation something good comes from it. Life is adapting to ever changing times.

 

Don't be afraid to get help from your friends. Tell them what is going on with you. If it persists for a couple of months see your doctor. Depression is like any other illness like a cold or the flue. If it goes on for too long it needs to be treated.

 

Some people know how create their own luck in life. A lot of it is about attitude, goals and setting yourself up to create opportunities etc. If you're feeling particularly blue you may be suffering from mild depression. Does it run in your family? Managing that and positioning yourself for the great things that life offers takes work like anything else. But, it can be done. Some are dealt with bad cards but it's really a matter of how you handle it. As long as you have your health you can rise above the things that drag you down. Train your mind. It's not easy but you can do it.

 

Side note regarding this thread:

Seems that FChat has taken a turn this year with a lot of members airing out their personal issues. Maybe it's becoming the 'Guy Place' to vent and seek help from others, and that's a good thing! From members in B&I that will come clean that they are losing their cars and homes to this thread where others come out of the closet with their problems.

Yes? No?

 

Finish your degree buddy. Better to look back and find you don't need it than to put yourself in a pinch careerwise wanting to do something and not being able to because you don't have the piece of paper. It sounds cliche, but it is so hard to go back and get it once you're working full-time, in a relationship, blah blah blah.

Life blows sometimes, but when it flips around and you're doing well, you'll appreciate the good times even more!

 

Gupta,

It's bad...just thank God it isn't worse... I know it sounds trite, but look at what you have...

Are you living under a bridge somewhere wondering where your next meal is coming from, hoping no one steals your blanket? Do you have any idea how many people are? My bet is at least tens of thousands.

Are you laying in a hospital, in a coma, or worse battling some disease on a minute-by-minute basis? Many thousands are, and their families are wondering right now how they are going to pay the huge bills that result.

Are you unable to sign your name, because your never learned how? Can't read a book? Can't balance a check book because you didn't go far enough in school to learn basic addition and subtraction? Many people are in exactly that position ... adult literacy, or a lack of it, is in my opinion a hidden cancer in our society.

Are you stuck in a job that pays a minimum wage that won't cover any minimums? Millions are. If so, a college degree may help you out of that rut.

Everyone, at any point in their life, can look at themselves and their individual situation, and find fault and room for improvement. You have to appreciate what's going right. Carefully consider what isn't right, and make sure that those things you have no control over, don't control you.

The one thing I ALWAYS try to remember, no matter what, is "This, too, shall pass."

I'm not advocating a cavalier attitude ... I'm advocating a measured, pragmatic approach to a life with balance. If you don't have money, find things to do that interest you that don't cost any thing. If your family situation has more drama that any movie to hit the big screen in the last 20 years, realize it, try to stay out it, and understand that "This, too, shall pass."

I completely understand the situation with your father.... it's tough. It sounds like a bad situation that will likely only get worse. But if he is receiving the best care possible (given facility availability and cost considerations), then, well, it is what it is...and some times, you just have to take life at face value and play the cards that are dealt to you.

College. I was 28 when I started college. It took me six years to get my degree, and it was tough... I had a wife, two kids, and the only income I had besides the GI Bill and my reserve pay was playing piano at the country club three nights a week. But, the day I walked across that stage and received my diploma, I knew it was all worth it. Many, many of those things that look like a huge waste of time now will turn out to be valuable when you least expect it. Not making good grades? Can you do more? Try harder? If not, then take the grade you get and move on. I ended up with a 3.2 GPA. Not great, but not bad. Did the best I could, and moved on.

Finally, look inside...most everything you mentioned in your original post are outside influences, and things that you simply can not control. Understand that there are simply things that you have no influence over, and you've taken a much bigger step than you might know...

Take care, Gupta...and get some sleep.

Mike in Kuwait

 

Seems that FChat has taken a turn this year with a lot of members airing out their personal issues. Maybe it's becoming the 'Guy Place' to vent and seek help from others, and that's a good thing! From members in B&I that will come clean that they are losing their cars and homes to this thread where others come out of the closet with their problems.

Yes? No?

Yes

I think I spend more time her on off topic and the backroom lounge than on the vintage section where I usually hang out. Not many flame wars and most folks give good advise here. It is nice to share things with guys and girls that have the same kind of values.

 

About 12 years ago I had a similar month. Both my grandfathers died within three weeks of each other, and in between a really good friend died. That was three people in three weeks. To top it off, my car was stolen a couple weeks later. After that, my life changed for the better. I developed a lot of confidence and things started to change for me, for the better. A lot of it was me making strides and positive changes, but some of it was luck.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.

 

Like another poster said; everybody has their turn in the barrel. It's just a part of life. I've been there too. Don't be afraid to ask a friend or relative for help. I'm guessing your university also has resources available.

Stay in school. Take it from an older guy who doesn't have a degree- life would be easier with one.

 

Who told you that? The football hero?

For most of us, the trick to youth is just to survive it. If you put in the effort (study, learn, etc), it tends to get better after that.

(Oh, not all at once, and there are still peaks and valleys, but the averages do tend to improve -- and experience lets you take it in stride better.)

 

Ashwin, I'm sorry to learn of your grandfather's deteriorating health. It sucks when there isn't a single aspect of your life that seems right or feels comfortable. I think it was Winston Churchill who once said, if you're going through hell - keep going. It's easiest to throw in the towel when you're down and out. But staying the course when the course sucks is part of what makes success so rewarding - whether that success is graduating college, getting through family issues, landing a job, starting a business, whatever.

You have a lot of friends here if you want to talk to someone. But throwing in the towel - whatever that may entail - is never a good idea.

 

I feel you, my Grandma died in September and after spending every thanksgiving and Christmas eve at her house it was horribly depressing without her. I didnt make it through school as I completely stopped going to classes because I started to dread getting out of bed and being around people. I hope I bottomed out and now I'm on the way back up and I can say I am stronger after having to deal with so many issues at once.

Just keep pushing, life evens out over the long haul, for how bad right now is, that's how good your future will be.

 

I can understand where you guys are coming from, I had my step mum die of an infection on one of her heart valves in Fall '08.

I've had a bit of a rough time over the last three years, ups and downs really, really deep downs though. I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia in July of '07, something that had been going on for about 1.5 years prior to that. Had a psychotic break, a very very low time in my life, went totally mad over this beautiful girl I met, in and out of the hospital, self harm stuff (in and out with suicide), pot addiction, doing nothing but thinking about this girl. Very unhealthy. But I got hooked up with a great program with a very smart doctor. Got medication too. Got a lot better.

But lately, within the last couple months, the psychosis has been coming back in a major way, and things between my girlfriend and I were really screwed up, work was... alright, but barely, drinking and smoking everyday... Now, or about three days ago, I've started taking the medications again... stopped smoking pot... Still drinking and smoking tobacco, but less and not to escape as much. Mainly only doing those things because I'm physically addicted to them now.

But I'm very hopeful about the future. I'm doing my best to move out for the second time next month, I've got the place lined up, and know exactly what I'm going to have where, got all the dishes, furniture, rent, all lined up. It'll be good for me to get out of my skin again, as my mum's been driving me up the wall lately. Gotta work on the girlfriend too, patch things up a bit, hopefully salvage something out of the garbage thats there now (which, unfortunately is mostly my fault). Got the job too, still doing my projection work (I dunno if youve seen it, but theres a thread in OOT about my stuff called: "Show Us Where You Work!"), getting enough hours to pay the rent and keep food on my plate!

But, you know, its really a game with high times and low times. For all the bad times I've had there have been plenty of good ones too. First time I moved out was one of the best times in my life, just freedom, eat whatever you please (and I ate really healthy), go to bed without someone nagging you, see friends whenever. All there is really is a time when you have to be at work, and a time to pay rent. Plenty of time to write, go to the beach, shop, get groceries, see friends, it's great! And thats what I hope to achieve again, when I move out this time. Very exciting! I'm sure most of you readers know all about these freedoms, as I assume most of you live by yourself or with a spouse, but for someone who's lived all their life under a very controling parent... its freedom!

Keep your head up!

 

It's really a true axiom, 'it is always darkest before the dawn'. I've had some serious ups and downs in my life, and right now just getting over a very deep dip that occurred in Dec. Starting to see the light......

Family politics is hard. Just try to stay neutral and love everyone.

Hang in there. It will get better.

 

Nice words.

I feel for you Agup. Hang in there buddy. I've gone through similar times of depression. You WILL come out of it!

Don't give up on school, you may feel like you shouldn't have gone, but later in life you may regret having left college. It's a lose-lose situation.

The sermon at church yesterday was about surrounding yourself with positivity. The more positive people your around the easier time you'll have dealing with your problems. They will build you up. The negative people will keep you down.

While you don't feel like getting out of bed, you need to. I spent months isolated from friends in college because of my depression. I finally realized I needed to get out of the house and surround myself with others to start bringing happiness to my life. We all have periods of time where we need time to ourselves.

Do what you can to make it through each day Agup. Just keep running through your head, "Be positive, Be positive...." I'm praying for you buddy.