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for the lawyers, hope it hasnt been posted..

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by Ryan S., Mar 30, 2005.

  1. Ryan S.

    Ryan S. Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Mar 20, 2004
    20,412
    ... and some smart and not so smart answers:

    >> These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
    >> things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
    >> published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm as
    >> these exchanges were actually taking place.
    >>
    >> Q: Are you sexually active?
    >> A: No, I just lie there.
    >> __________
    >> Q: What is your date of birth?
    >> A: July 15th.
    >> Q: What year?
    >> A: Every year.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    >> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    >> A: Yes
    >> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    >> A: I forget.
    >> Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've
    >> forgotten?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    >> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    >> Q: How long has he lived with you?
    >> A: Forty-five years.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
    >> that morning?
    >> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    >> Q: And why did that upset you?
    >> A: My name is Susan.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the
    >> occult?
    >> A: We both do.
    >> Q: Voodoo?
    >> A: We do.
    >> Q: You do?
    >> A: Yes, voodoo.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    >> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    >> A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    >> A: Yes.
    >> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: She had three children, right?
    >> A: Yes.
    >> Q: How many were boys?
    >> A: None.
    >> Q: Were there any girls?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
    >> A: By death.
    >> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Can you describe the individual?
    >> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    >> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
    >> which I sent to your attorney?
    >> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
    >> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    >> A: Oral.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    >> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    >> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
    >> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    >> __________
    >>
    >> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
    >> A: No.
    >> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
    >> A: No.
    >> Q: Did you check for breathing?
    >> A: No.
    >> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
    >> autopsy?
    >> A: No.
    >> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    >> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    >> Q: But isn't it possible the patient could still have been alive,
    >> nevertheless?
    >> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
    >> somewhere.
     
  2. 400SPYDER

    400SPYDER F1 Rookie

    Jul 7, 2004
    3,451
    Kent, England
    Full Name:
    kevan
    Forum: Other Off Topic 02-10-2005, 02:10 AM
    Replies: 598 Joke.
    Views: 10,623 Posted By Modenafan
    Not exactly a joke, but funny

    Subject: FW: Disorder in the Courts

    I'm confident you will never be guilty of any of the following!!!!
    Disorder in the Courts:
    [These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and...


    Forum: United Kingdom 01-26-2005, 12:06 PM
    Replies: 1 O/T Quotes from court
    Views: 56 Posted By GrahamS
    O/T Quotes from court

    These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts", and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of...
     
  3. Ryan S.

    Ryan S. Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Mar 20, 2004
    20,412
    well that was fun wasnt it?
     
  4. 96impalaSS

    96impalaSS F1 Rookie

    Dec 8, 2003
    3,504
    Hell
    Full Name:
    Chris
    HAHA. Nice, I like this one the best.

    >> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
    >> doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    >> A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
     

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