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Friday joke

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by Matt LaMotte, Mar 5, 2004.

  1. Matt LaMotte

    Matt LaMotte Formula 3

    Oct 30, 2002
    1,868
    Pensacola
    A woman awakes during the night to find her husband is not in bed.
    She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him.
    She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of
    him.
    He appears to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall.
    She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

    "What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
    "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

    The husband looks up from his coffee. "Do you remember 20 years ago
    when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.

    "Yes, I do," she replies.

    The husband pauses.
    The words are not coming easily.
    "Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"

    "Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

    The husband continues.
    "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said
    'Either you marry my daughter or I'll send you to jail for the next 20
    years'?"

    "I remember that too," she replies softly.

    He wipes another tear from his cheek and says: "I would have gotten out
    today."
     
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  3. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    The pope said if there is one more molestation allegation against Michael Jackson, he would have no choice but to make him a priest.
     
  4. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Why are Hurricanes always named after women??
    Because when they come they are wet and wild & when they leave they leave with your house and car.
     
  5. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
    A. A widow

    Q.How did the blonde die raking the leaves?

    A. she fell out of the tree.
    --------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q.what are the lumps around a womans nipple.

    A.braille for suck here
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Q.....What do you call a guy that doesnt't cheat on his wife on an extended business trip away?
    A......An Astronaut .


    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------Q. What's the height of conceit?
    A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.


    Q. What's the definition of macho?
    A. Jogging home from your vasectomy.


    Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
    A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

    Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
    A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick.

    Q. What is a Yankee?
    A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


    Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
    A. The grip.

    Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
    A. The swallow.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------1.Why are A,B,C,D,E,F used as bra sizes?

    A:almost boobs
    B:barely there!
    C:can live with these!
    D:damb good!
    E:enourmous!
    F: FAKE!!!

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------
     
  6. writerguy

    writerguy F1 Veteran

    Sep 30, 2003
    6,786
    NewRotic
    Full Name:
    Otto

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAH
     
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  8. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,589
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    A guy is having a drink in a very dark bar.

    He leans over to the big woman next to him and says, "Do you
    wanna hear a funny blonde joke?"

    The big woman replies, "Well, before you tell that joke, you
    should know something. I'm blonde, six feet tall, 210 lb., and
    I'm a professional triathlete and bodybuilder. The blonde woman
    sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 220 lb., and she's an
    ex-professional wrestler. Next to her is a blonde who's 6'5",
    weighs 250 lb., and she's a professional kick boxer. Now, do you
    still want to tell that blonde joke?"

    The guy thinks about it a second and says, "No, not if I'm going
    to have to explain it three times."

    ______________________

    DL
     
  9. formula1joe

    formula1joe Formula Junior

    Nov 3, 2003
    436
    Atlanta, GA
    Full Name:
    Joe Bennett
    LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
     
  10. Santini

    Santini Formula Junior

    Oct 1, 2003
    480
    North Carolina
    A woman gets aboard a crowded city bus holding her newborne baby. As she's paying her fare the bus driver starts laughing hysterically. She asks the driver, "excuse me sir but what on earth is so funny??". Stopping to catch his breath the driver finally says, "Forgive me for saying so ma'am but that has to be the UGLIEST damn baby I've ever seen in my LIFE!!!", and he bursts back into laughter, barely able to contain himself. She immediately turns beet red and stomps off to the back of the bus. She finally finds an empty seat next to a man reading a newspaper. The lady is furious and can't sit still, cursing under her breath and obviously very agitated.
    Finally the man next to her asks, "excuse me ma'am but you appear to be very upset. If you don't mind me asking, what is troubling you?"

    She says to him, "you're damn right I'm upset!! That damn bus driver had the gall to insult me as I was paying my damn fare!!! I've never been so humiliated!!!"

    He suggests, "You should go up there and give him a piece of your mind!"

    She agrees and say, "you're right. I'm going up there right now and tell him just what I think of him!"

    He puts down his newspaper, reaches over and says, "here, I'll hold your monkey."
     
  11. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,732
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    "here, I'll hold your monkey."[/QUOTE]

    Funniest thing. Ever!
     
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