Thought I'd try and beat Tony to it..... As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Bert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on on the M25. Please be careful!" "It's not just one car," said Bert, "It's hundreds of 'em!"
I heard that was a 308 with sports wheels Stiggy..hahhahahahhaha!!! Nice one chap!! and thanks for last night...
Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A. A widow Q.How did the blonde die raking the leaves? A. she fell out of the tree
PETER KAYS UNIVERSAL TRUTHS > > 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. > > 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. > > 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your > pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. > > 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps. > > 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into > a calculator. > > 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible. > > 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly. > > 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a > fire in your back garden. > > 10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. > > 11) You never know where to look when eating a banana. > > 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat. > > 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly. > > 14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball > > 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. > > 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school. > > 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call > your teacher mum or dad. > > 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at > the first given opportunity. > > 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches. > > 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p**, flushed half way > through and then raced against the flush. > > 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong. > > 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. > > 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. > > 24) You never ever run out of salt. > > 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think. > > 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog. > > 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got > your hand or head stuck in something. > > 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. > > 29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had > their arm broken by a swan. > > 30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard > > 31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of > wood specifically to stir paint with. > > 32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose. > > 33) Bricks are horrible to carry. > > 34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip. > > 35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it > in a fruit salad.
The last granma I saw using a mobile had it up the wrong way and it was switched off ..saying again over and over "Hello" "Hello" "Hello"!
JJ Outside.....again!!! Last night did feel good, didn't it? [FRANKIE HOWERD MODE=ON] oooooer, missus [/FRANKIE HOWERD MODE=OFF] Stig
A friend of mine acyually turned up at her math gcse exam, got out her pencil case and calculator, and realised that she had brought the remote for her video...