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Friday Joke

Discussion in 'United Kingdom' started by sletti, Feb 6, 2004.

  1. sletti

    sletti F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Nov 19, 2003
    5,084
    NW Kent
    Full Name:
    Stig W
    Thought I'd try and beat Tony to it.....




    As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.

    Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Bert, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on on the M25. Please be careful!"

    "It's not just one car," said Bert, "It's hundreds of 'em!"
     
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  3. 360CS

    360CS F1 Rookie

    Nov 1, 2003
    2,641
    Kent
    Full Name:
    Joe J
    I heard that was a 308 with sports wheels Stiggy..hahhahahahhaha!!!

    Nice one chap!! and thanks for last night...
     
  4. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

    A. A widow





    Q.How did the blonde die raking the leaves?

    A. she fell out of the tree
     
  5. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    PETER KAYS UNIVERSAL TRUTHS
    >
    > 1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
    >
    > 2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
    >
    > 3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your
    > pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
    >
    > 4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
    >
    > 5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into
    > a calculator.
    >
    > 6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
    >
    > 7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
    >
    > 8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a
    > fire in your back garden.
    >
    > 10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
    >
    > 11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
    >
    > 12) Its impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
    >
    > 13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
    >
    > 14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball
    >
    > 15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
    >
    > 16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
    >
    > 17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as a schoolchild is to call
    > your teacher mum or dad.
    >
    > 18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at
    > the first given opportunity.
    >
    > 19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
    >
    > 20) Every bloke has at some stage while taking a p**, flushed half way
    > through and then raced against the flush.
    >
    > 21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong.
    >
    > 22) Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
    >
    > 23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
    >
    > 24) You never ever run out of salt.
    >
    > 25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
    >
    > 26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
    >
    > 27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got
    > your hand or head stuck in something.
    >
    > 28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
    >
    > 29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had
    > their arm broken by a swan.
    >
    > 30) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard
    >
    > 31) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of
    > wood specifically to stir paint with.
    >
    > 32) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
    >
    > 33) Bricks are horrible to carry.
    >
    > 34) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.
    >
    > 35) Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it
    > in a fruit salad.
     
  6. 360CS

    360CS F1 Rookie

    Nov 1, 2003
    2,641
    Kent
    Full Name:
    Joe J
    The last granma I saw using a mobile had it up the wrong way and it was switched off ..saying again over and over "Hello" "Hello" "Hello"!
     
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  8. sletti

    sletti F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Nov 19, 2003
    5,084
    NW Kent
    Full Name:
    Stig W
    JJ

    Outside.....again!!!

    Last night did feel good, didn't it?

    [FRANKIE HOWERD MODE=ON]
    oooooer, missus
    [/FRANKIE HOWERD MODE=OFF]

    Stig
     
  9. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H




    Or trying to turn telly over with the mobile......
     
  10. sletti

    sletti F1 Veteran
    Lifetime Rossa

    Nov 19, 2003
    5,084
    NW Kent
    Full Name:
    Stig W
    A friend of mine acyually turned up at her math gcse exam, got out her pencil case and calculator, and realised that she had brought the remote for her video...
     

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