Funny...Decoder for Women's Personal Ads

* 40-ish............49.

* Adventurous..........Slept with everyone.

* Athletic............No breasts.

* Average looking.......Moooo.

* Beautiful..........Pathological liar.

* Emotionally Secure........On medication.

* Feminist...........Fat.

* Free Spirit...........Junkie.

* Friendship first.........Former Slut.

* New-Age............Body hair in the wrong places.

* Old-fashioned........No B.J.'s

* Open-minded.........Desperate.

* Outgoing..........Loud and embarrassing.

* Professional...........*****.

* Voluptuous.........Very fat.

* Large frame...........Hugely fat.

* Wants soul mate.......Stalker.

>DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

* Yes.............No

* No..............Yes

* Maybe...........No

* We need...........I want

* I am sorry...........You'll be sorry

* We need to talk........You're in trouble

* Sure, go ahead..........You better not

* Do what you want.......You will pay for this later

* I am not upset........Of course, I am upset, you moron!

* You're attentive tonight....Is sex all you ever think about?

>DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry.........I am hungry

* I am sleepy..........I am sleepy

* I am tired..........I am tired

* Nice dress............Nice cleavage!

* I love you............Let's have sex now

* I am bored...........Do you want to have sex?

* May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with
you.

* Can I call you sometime?..............I'd like to have sex with you.

* Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.

* Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit......I'm gay.