News

Funny Stuff...

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by 134282, Jun 26, 2004.

  1. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    ...for Tony & Darth, 'cause they usually keep us in stitches... :) Thanks, guys.





    WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST

    She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.

    Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.

    Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.

    Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.

    And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.


    WOMEN'S REVENGE

    "Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the

    woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet

    I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

    "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

    "No," she replied, "

    but my husband refused to come shopping with me,

    so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."


    UNDERSTANDING WOMEN

    (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)

    I know I'm not going to understand women.

    I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,

    pour it onto your upper thigh,

    rip the hair out by the root,

    and still be afraid of a spider.


    MARRIAGE SEMINAR

    While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,

    Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,

    "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things

    that are important to each other."

    He addressed the man,

    "Can you describe your wife's favorite flower?"

    Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered,

    "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

    The rest of the story gets rather ugly, so I'll stop right here.


    CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the

    aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can

    help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons

    for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few

    minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a

    ball of string on the counter.

    She says, confused,

    "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

    He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent

    my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes,

    and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling

    papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So,

    I figure if I have to roll my own ............. so does she.

    (Of course . . I figure this guy is the one on the milk

    carton! :)


    WIFE VS. HUSBAND

    A couple drove down a country road for several miles,

    not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an

    argument and neither of them wanted to concede their

    position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats,

    and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically,

    "Relatives of yours?"

    "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."


    WORDS

    A husband read an article to his wife about how many

    words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000.

    The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we

    have to repeat everything to men...

    The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"


    CREATION

    A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you

    can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.

    " The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made

    me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;

    God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!


    BEAST

    Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent

    quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper.

    "Be careful," he said to his wife.

    "You will bring out the beast in me."

    "So what?" his wife shot back. "Who is afraid of a mouse?"


    WHO DOES WHAT

    A man and his wife were having an argument about who

    should brew the coffee each morning.

    The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up

    first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."

    The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking

    around here and you should do it, because that is your

    job, and I can just wait for my coffee."

    Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it

    is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."

    Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."

    So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New

    Testament and showed him at the top of several pages,

    that it indeed says... "HEBREWS"
     
  2. Auraraptor

    Auraraptor F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Sep 25, 2002
    11,389
    MO
    I liked some of 'em.
     

Share This Page