News

Global Cow Economics

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by Nibblesworth, Mar 11, 2004.

  1. Nibblesworth

    Nibblesworth Formula 3
    BANNED

    Nov 29, 2002
    1,756
    Southern California
    Full Name:
    BillyBoy
    LIBERAL

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to
    your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more
    government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. You hold a concert to raise
    awareness for cow-lessness. Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less,
    who couldn't attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only
    people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. You wear a ribbon that
    signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven't
    done anything to help them at all.

    CONSERVATIVE

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?

    SOCIALIST

    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

    COMMUNIST

    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.

    CAPITALISM AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.
    The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
    support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from
    your government.

    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.
    The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you
    for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain.

    AMERICAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are
    surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts
    stating you have down-sized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

    FRENCH CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow
    and produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably
    crowded trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    GERMAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give
    excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately
    they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

    ITALIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.

    RUSSIAN CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have four cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have eight cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

    TALIBAN CORPORATION

    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
    Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were
    in the hospital.

    IRAQI CORPORATION

    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.

    POLISH CORPORATION

    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

    CALIFORNIAN

    You have a cow and a bull.
    The bull is depressed.
    It has spent its life living a lie.
    It goes away for two weeks.
    It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation.
    You now have two cows.
    One makes milk; the other doesn't.
    You try to sell the transgender cow.
    Its lawyer sues you for discrimination.
    You lose in court.
    You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages.
    You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow.
    You change your business to beef.
    PETA pickets your farm.
    Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway.
    Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows."
    Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7TH of your farm
    "for the children."
    Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico.
    The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats.
    You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations.
    The cow starves to death.
    The L.A. Times' analysis shows your business failure is George Bush's
    fault.
     
  2. To remove this ad click here.

  3. Spasso

    Spasso F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Feb 16, 2003
    14,612
    Land of Slugs & Moss
    Full Name:
    Han Solo
    Absolutely every bit of this is true.

    "Conservative"
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?

    Some people look at that as cold.
    I look at it as,
    Why doesn't the neighbor learn how to get one for himself?.

    DJ
     
  4. gabriel

    gabriel Formula 3

    Because he's a worthless POS who thinks that you owe him a cow because it's everyone's right to have equal cows....

    >DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

    You have two cows.
    The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to
    support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

    Should read:DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE (democratic party view)
     
  5. Spasso

    Spasso F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Feb 16, 2003
    14,612
    Land of Slugs & Moss
    Full Name:
    Han Solo
    " One nation under god, with liberty and cows for everybody...................?"
    DJ
     
  6. Kds

    Kds F1 World Champ

    Shouldn't it be......."one nation udder god"........
     
  7. To remove this ad click here.

  8. Aureus

    Aureus Formula 3

    Thats so spot on its hilarious.
     
  9. ryalex

    ryalex Two Time F1 World Champ
    Consultant Owner

    Aug 6, 2003
    22,328
    Las Vegas, NV
    Full Name:
    Ryan Alexander
    BTW, KDS, did you hear that Revenue Canada has changed the tax return process? It only has two lines now:

    1. How much did you earn last year? $___________.__

    2. Send it to us.
     
  10. Kds

    Kds F1 World Champ

    ryalex.....

    That's a good one......
     

Share This Page