"Great Wisdoms" Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. No one is listening until you pass gas. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a bad example. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat & drink beer all day. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Don't worry about what people think. Most of them don't. Civil Servant is sematincally equal to Civil Master
Don't ask "what can my country do for me?" Ask yourself "how can I screw people out of money?" That's what happened, right?
What if you lend an employee 3,500 dollars, and he doesn't pay it back on time? Take it from his wages {plus 50%} then fire his a$$ going into the "productive" months and blackball him all over town. Now that is good fun. And if he calls the cops, say "he just didn't show up to work one day and that was 3 weeks ago. He's welcome to continue working here." And after that make life as hard as possible for him, to make him quit. Ahhhhhhhhhh LIFE IS GOOD! Hey Brian, this ones for you. You piece of #$^#, $^&@$# ^&#*(^% #%%^(#&! He still can't find a dealership that will take him! And that was 2 years ago! Ahahahahahaahahahah! I'm done now.
A classic.... and so true. Enjoy: As the owner of an Italian vehicle, you have undoubtedly found that, from time to time, the thing defies all known laws of Physics. Distinguished researchers from all over the world have spent entire lives trying to understand such phenomena. Recently, the Six Laws of Italian Sports Cars were discovered, thus reducing most owners' dependency on sorcerers and prayer, to keep such cars running. Careless application of these laws to any individual auto may fix the problems of the moment, but cause hives or allergies in said owners. 1) THE LAW OF PLEASING DESIGN WHERE IT REALLY DOESN'T MATTER "The inside of cam covers or other relatively innocuous areas, shall be laced with buttresses, cross-bracing and all manner of esoteric stiffness-with-lightness design, while something like connecting rods shall self-destruct at redline plus 1.0 rpm due to a basic lack of strength." An example of this Law is the stunningly beautiful Lamborghini or Ferrari V-12's of the late '60's. They were famous for wearing out all four camshafts in 10,000 miles or less. The cam's metal appeared to be recycled coat hangers, which coincidentally are still in short supply in Italy. 2) THE LAW OF NON-FUNCTIONAL APPARATUS "All Italian Sports Cars, regardless of age, shall have at least one system or component which does not work, and cannot be repaired. Such a part shall never be mentioned in the Official Shop Manual, although there may be an out-of-focus picture shown." It goes without saying that such parts should never under any circumstances be removed, lest the natural balance of the car be upset. 3)THE LAW OF ELECTRICAL CHAOS "All Italian Sports Cars shall be wired at the Factory by a cross-eyed, color-blind worker, using whatever supplies are within reach. All wires shall change color-code at least once between energy source and component. all grounds shall be partially insulated." This tends to guarantee that the owner of such vehicles will eventually be intimately familiar with its electrical system, since he will need to trace out each wire, then rewrite his Official Schematic, which will differ from all others in at least one area. 4)THE LAW OF PERSONAL ABUSE "The more an Italian auto breaks down, the more endearing it becomes to its increasingly irrational owner." For example, you purchase an Italian Sports car, for all the money you ever hoped to earn, and receive a ticket for air pollution on the way home from the dealer due to the vast clouds of smoke that follow you. Several return trips to said dealer, accompanied by your rapidly dwindling cash reserves, cures the smoking. But now, the engine sounds like a food processor full of ball-bearings. After replacing every component in the car, including the radio speakers, the noise vanishes and is replaced by an odor reminiscent of a major fire in a goat-hair mattress factory. You still keep trying, God help you. 5)THE LAW OF UNAVAILABLE PARTS "All parts of an Italian sports car shall be made of a material that is available in inverse proportion to its operating half-life." Thus, the speedometer hold-down screws are made of grade 8 cold rolled steel, while the valves are of fabricated Unobtanium, made only at midnight by an old man with a pointy hat covered with moons and stars. Such parts will be backordered during the design phase of the car, and will remain so forever. Bribes, pleading and threats will be ignored. 6)THE LAW OF CRYPTIC INSTRUCTIONS "Any official publications dealing with repair, maintenance or operations of an Italian sports car, shall be written such that every fourth word is incomprehensible to the average American. In the event that a random sentence is understandable, its information shall be wrong." This is also known as flat-tire English, where a sentence flows along nicely, then-Kaboom!
