Had to tell the GF I wouldnt marry her

Yesterday really Suxed, I had to tell her & you can imagine her reaction. It was purely a cold economic-legal reason for me. I cant marry Anybody because I cant accept that risk, Luckily I dont want to. I felt like I was going before a firing squad as the time was approaching then again when I had to tell her.

I feel really bad that I had to hurt her like that, I still want to keep seeing her but that may be impossible now.

We live together so its going to be very uncomfortable the next few days

This Sux

 

Did she know the rules going in to the relationship? Did you discuss this before you moved in together?

When you first started dating did you tell her, "I'm not gonna marry you, or anyone, for socio-economic reasons? I just can't afford the risk???

Boy I bet that made her hot and ready to do whatever you pleased.

Or, did you string her along with the "maybe someday" scenario?

Or, is this the 1st time you've ever discussed it with her?


Geez, it sucks, you're right, sucks for her if she was lead to believe marriage was a possibility.

I kinda doubt there's any way to put Humpty-Dumpty back together again, may be time to move on, at least for her.

DM

 

What risk, get a pre-nup, that's what I am doing.

Christian

 

Ouch,

You did the right thing. Let her know, if it's not going to happen. How old is she, if you don't mind me asking.

You really have to watch prenups. I had a friend use the best lawyers to draft one up and it still didn't protect him when things went bad.

You just need to find someone on the same level then money is less of an issue.

 

I was engaged and lived with my GF for 10 years before finally Marrying, Because of a family business and other money reasons plus getting screwed in an early divorce I was also not planning on making official. Then after our Daughter was about 4 and started to understand things and would question why we weren't married I decided to do it. Just get a very good lawyer who specializes in Pre Nups, which are actually called Anti-Nups.Was fairly easy and painless and my GF had no problem with it. Since in my case I had a child with her I was already on the hook anyway and am now safer. That is unless you are just using those reasons not to tie the knot? Or should I say noose.

 

Yes, they can be challenged but I followed a couple of big cases on these. One was some very rich guy who was giving a very small amount to his wife and she got it throw out in court. Then on appeal to a higher court it got reinstated. The court agreed it was not a good settlement but that was not the issue. They said that no one put a gun to her head and forced her sign it. Just make sure you have her hire her own attorney to sign off on it. My wife's even made her sign a statement claiming his job was not to negotiate the best deal for her but to just make sure everything was correct.

 

Isn't that an excerpt from "Getting laid 101"?

 

Yes, at the very least make sure she has an attorney. I'm sure your guy will make sure of it. Look, you will not have any idea how good it is until it's defended. I hope you never find out.

 

If shes the real deal and is in it for you and not the money, she may agree to a pre-nup.
This may be an opportunity to find out.
Also ask your dad or other older relatives, its amazing how much wisdom us older types accumulate.
Good luck.

 

Just give her half of everything on the first date...it avoids all of these complications.

 

I've decided to save a lot of time and heart-ache.........I'm just going to find a woman I hate and buy her a house!!!

 

If this is what you must do then you should get a vasectomy right away. Have a child with her and your going to be paying big time. Most states say that your child has the right to live in the same lifestyle that you live in. So if your GF leaves you and you live in nice house you will be paying for her to also, you drive a nice Ferrari then your kid will be getting one also.

 

when we first started we both agreed no 1 wanted to get married or have kids, 3 years later circumstances changed.

I think if I had a child w her it would be a lot different

I guess its not an absolutely never, its more like a not at this moment thing for me

I was imagine divorce scenarios & being in law school surrounded by lawyers & law students who were all telling me how things could go wrong easily it really gave me a bad case of cold, i mean FROZEN, feet

 

pre nups MAY stand up but they are never 100% insurance policy. If she's PO'd & has a good lawyer you my friend are going to end up in court w your wallet fully exposed to the bottom feeding divorce lawyer shark

I was thinking & getting a divorce for me is right up there w having cancer, a death in the family or having all the toys repossesed

 

A lot of people will try to analyse what the ingredients are to a permanent (low risk of divorce) marriage. Sometimes their family history of such occurances is an indicator, sometimes their faith. Sorry to sound "formula" here, but perhaps there is an independant test you can take that indicates the possibility of success?

We all know the presence of certain problems dooms a marriage from the start, for example, most marriages break up because of money problems which for you may be a "too much money" problem, but seriously you may have one large statistic in your favor because you'll not be fighting over money. Then look to the next largest cause of break up and so on.

I'd look online for a test. Perhaps it would make you feel better one way or the other. Information is knowledge, but I know this route is no guarantee.

If you wanted mine or anyone's advice on this relationship perhaps you should tell us how similar her heritage is to yours, etc.. I don't know what your age is, but if you ever ever want to get married to a "hot chick", don't realize that when you're 50. They ain't around then.

 

Don't feel bad, it is what it is. The way I see it your on a different economic level and trying to protect your neck.

 

Since I was about 16, I have seen most of my friends get married, have kids and get divorced. The guys always end up getting screwed. What pisses me off is seeing a couple of friends that have to pay between $15 & $20K a month for alimony and child support while their X's settle down with another guy that makes big money. That's just wrong. The X's won't re-marry because they will loose their benny's.

Your GF will stay with you. Women always count on 'their men' changing...And most will wait.

 

WILLIAMH......

Those South American women can get hot.......are we talking about the Argentinian babe you posted a pic of here a while back ?

 

If she loves you for only who you truely are why would any woman be oposed to a pre nup, it only reiterates her desire to marry you only for love, just legally.

And two, when it comes to supporting kids. If you're loaded, but live a VERY VERY modest lifestyle do they "have the right" to live that modest lifestyle or do they get to cash in? If I was rich, I'd want them to still grow up very modestly, divoreced or not.

 

Rod Stewart?

--Dan

 

I have a very high repsect for William. He has done the right thing.

 

See what happens when you buy a car with an ostrich hide interior. It all starts going downhill from there.

 

Sounds like you did the right thing. It appears that things must have come to a head and that forced you to tell her straight out. If you've been indicating the same thing all along(not really interested in getting married) then she really can't fault you. If things start going down hill from here she'll probably decide to leave. Let her, cause in most cases she'll be back. Fortunately you are in the drivers seat so if you're not interested in marriage than stick to your guns. Worse comes to worse you get yourself some new ass and start the cycle all over again Next time make sure she OWNS and lives in her own place and keep it that way. Keep it simple and nobody gets hurt

 

you have to have sex to have children

 

Well, William one of a couple of things will happen.

If she loves you she will stick around to be with you regardless of the legal stuff.

If she loves your wallet she will bolt.