Having a bad day, here is some dry humor to get you started...lol...

Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of
Artie then explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $5,000.

The husband said he was willing to pay that amount, but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money.

Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar bill that rested inside. Artie sighed, rolled his eyes, & reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.

A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Super Wal-Mart store. There, he surprised her in the produce department & proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands & as the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath & slumped to the floor........

The manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras & observed by the store's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught & arrested before he could even leave the store.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the newspaper, the headline declared ...


(You're going to hate me for this ...lol...lol...)




'ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 AT WAL-MART!'

 

Leonard,

That was...

it was....

AWFUL!

I guess that's why I laughed out loud!



Mike in Kuwait

 

Groan

 

that was so bad, it was funny.

 

+1

 

Two cannibals are sitting around eating a clown.

One looks at the other and says;

"Does this taste funny to you?"

 

i'm not sure what to think..or say... unfff..


I did giggle a bit though

 

It was SO funny, that I forgot to laugh!

 

Well, I guess to answer all of you at once and save some space on here, I guess it was pretty bad...lol...lol...lol... The one about the clowns is pretty good though...lol...lol...

 

A woman, getting married for the fourth time, goes to a bridal shop and asks for a white dress.

"You can't wear white." Reminds the sales clerk, "You've been married three times already."

"Of course I can, I'm a virgin," says the bride.

"Impossible," says the sales clerk.

"Unfortunately not," the bride explained; "My first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk about it.

My second husband was a gynecologist, all he wanted to do was look at it.

My third husband was a stamp collector. God, I miss him."

 

1. HOW DO YOU GET HOLY WATER?
You boil the hell out of it.

2. WHAT DO FISH SAY WHEN THEY HIT A CONCRETE WALL?
Dam.

3. WHAT DO ESKIMOS GET FROM SITTING ON THE ICE?
Polaroids.

4. WHAT DO YOU CALL A BOOMERANG THAT DOESN'T WORK?
A stick

5. WHAT DO YOU CALL CHEESE THAT ISN'T YOURS?
Nacho cheese