Help me write my resignation letter

How about......

Dear boss,
I banged your wife.
love,
Matteo
oh yeah p.s. I resign

 

Get some nice stationary and hand write it. That would be unique in my book.

RMX

 

My first thought was to print it up on one of those huge 2' x 3' cards but I don't think they have 'happy resignation' categories at Hallmark.

..yes.. I know...

C.

 

FD, I saw that!!

C.

 

LOL, since Matteo quoted it, I'll assume it was okay to say that... better safe than sorry!

 

Congrats on the new position, sounds like fun!

You going to be working anywhere near EN?

 

Hell, if that's the case then even I'd work there, and that's saying a lot.

C.

 

ohh i have another....

Dear boss,
Due to some extraordinary circumstances, I contracted syphillis from your wife. I must now tend to my health and therefore regretfully resign from my position. But do not worry, a prospective job is in my future so there is no need to worry about me.
Thank your wife for me,
Matteo

 

As many of you are aware, today is my last day at GC. It is time for me to move on and I want you to know that I have accepted a position as "Trophy Husband". This decision was quite easy and took little consideration. However, I am confident this new role represents a welcome change in my life and a step up from my current situation.

While I have a high degree of personal respect for GC, and I have made wonderful friendships during my time here, I am no longer comfortable working for a group largely populated by gossips, backstabbers and Napoleonic personalities. In fact, I dare say that I would rather be dressed up like a pinata and beaten than remain with this group any longer.

I wish you continued success in your goals to turn vibrant, productive, dedicated associates into an aimless, shambling group of dry, lifeless husks.

May the smoke from any bridges I burn today be seen far and wide.

Respectfully submitted,

Matteo

ps. Achilles absent, was Achilles still. (Homer)

 

Judgie

 

Matt...

i had this same question a little over a year ago... You're right not to burn any bridges, so just right something professional, but from the heart... Explain to them that you really enjoyed your position with their company, but that an opportunity has come along that's really beneficial to the health and growth and general well being of your family and you'd be a loon not to take it. Also explain in the letter that, should things not work out where you're going, you would be humbled and honored if they would take you back...

If you want to be an asshol3 without really seeming like it, put down that you'd be happy to give good references to any prospective employees they found to fill you position...

 

Chris...

That was simply beautiful... i don't even want to lessen it with a cheap "LOL"; it was really beautiful... Maybe you should speak to Gus...

 

Does that stuff require school and junk? Can't I just show them the laptop running XP Pro that you said wouldn't work?

BTW, the letter was written by a lawyer leaving the Paul Hastings law firm. True story.

http://www.gawker.com/topic/paul-hastings-gossips-backstabbers-and-napoleonic-personalities-016453.php

C.