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Hospital charts...Are doctor's really awake?

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by PeterS, Feb 14, 2004.

  1. PeterS

    PeterS Four Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Jan 24, 2003
    40,481
    95370
    Full Name:
    PeterS
    ACTUAL WRITINGS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS BY DOCTORS:

    1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
    2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
    3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.
    4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
    5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
    6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.
    7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
    8. The patient refused autopsy.
    9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.
    10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.
    11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
    12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
    13. She is numb from her toes down.
    14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
    15. The skin was moist and dry.
    16. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
    17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.
    18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
    19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
    20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
    21. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
    22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
    23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
    24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
    25. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.
    26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
    27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
    28. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
    29. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
     
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  3. snj5

    snj5 F1 World Champ

    Feb 22, 2003
    10,213
    San Antonio
    Full Name:
    Russ Turner
    Hey!
    Some of those are my notes from residency!!

    :)

    Have seen a few of these in real life - will never forget in first year of medical school a classmate answered you could feel the prostate by feeling through the vagina.

    During a lecture on the composition of sperm/semen, the prof was teaching how it was very high in carbohydrates and sugars for short term energy source. A female student classmate raised her hand and asked: "Why is it so salty then?"

    We all had a big open lab class, and one day we all had to do a urinalysis on ourselves after lunch one day. The class hottie, a Paris Hilton type, called the prof over to ask what it was she was seeing in her urine under the microscope. He calmly looked at the slide, then looked at her and said, for all of us to hear,: 'Sperm'. Seems she had a better lunch break than the rest of us. We were all dying laughing and she actually got embarrased.

    enough for now, best
    rt
     
  4. Catherine

    Catherine Rookie

    May 29, 2003
    38
    Scottsdale, AZ
    Full Name:
    Catherine
    I was on night call all last week. Those make perfect sense to me!
     
  5. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ
    BANNED

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,647
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    ...& people wonder why i won't see a doctor... :D
     

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