How can I justify a Ferrari to my wife.

Right before I proposed on Los Muertos beach in Puerto Vallarta at sunset with the ring in my pocket, I asked my now wife "hey if we ever get married, will you let me buy a Ferrari some day?". She said "sure why not" and the rest as they say is history.

If I think back there was probably a minute or two filled with banter between my Ferrari ownership question and my proposal. In the excitement of the moment she didn't tie the two together but in her hindsight the timing of my hypothetical question made it seem like the only reason I was proposing was because she was going to let me buy a Ferrari. Of course she knows that wasn't true but she was a little sore for years about that.

We did go to Italy on our honeymoon a year later where I insisted on Modena and Maranello being on our itinerary.

To address the dilemma of the original poster, there are some differences between us. I always wanted a Ferrari since I was 12. It never went away, I had to wait until 40 something. Your desire by contrast came out of seeing your friend's Ferrari in your garage for a time. Nevertheless, I can empathize with your growing passion.
All I can say is possibly you could use my story and say "See... at least I didn't do that to you!".

 

Have you considered just getting some Ford or BMW stickers to cover the badges with?

But seriously, sounds like you’ve got this one cracked. Congrats to your daughter, and enjoy your (soon to be) better health and new car!

 

I was just in this situation in April. I always have wanted to be a Ferrari owner. Thanks to BaT I found her right in my backyard. I let my husband know one was local and that I had interest. I went and met the owner and we went for “the last drive” prior to sale. I was hooked. Afterwards I had a great plan to sell my daily and take those funds to pay for the car. Of course my husband went nuclear for about 2 days. My husband being an accountant makes any random large purchase impossible. If it doesn’t fit in his spreadsheet and meet our savings goals it’s not happening. Did I mention I have an amazing accountant!!! After time he saw my passion and watched the auction. The final day he agreed for us to watch the bidding and set our limits. Needless to say it went higher than we wanted, but because we were both engaged we won the bid and rest is history. I pinch myself daily just thinking about it much less seeing it here in the garage. Moral of the story is get her envolved. Take her out for a nice dinner and a cruise in your friends car and help the infection spread or at least try. Good luck and don’t give up on your dream.

 

I like this.

Each side should support or at least try to understand the others passions, dreams and goals. Most times those are not in prefect balance but if they are important to one they should be important at least academically to the other. If there is massive justification, bargaining, or spouse tax probably not the best situation to begin with.

 

I hear you @Simon99. Although our situations may be very different, perhaps there are some parts of my story that will resonate with you and hopefully play out well to your benefit as it did mine.

When my wife and I first met 17 years ago, we both talked about someday owning a Ferrari. After 12 years of marriage, we were in a position to purchase one. We went to the local dealer (San Fran) and perused. I was in love with the 458 but she, being more pragmatic, insisted we get a used, 2012 Cali - our daughter could sit in back of course. Although I'm just about as frugal as her and I really wanted the 458, I compromised with the Cali thinking we are still blessed to be in this position and I get to drive a Ferrari. Dream come true! We bought it and started driving. I loved and still love it every time I drive the Cali. But that's was just the beginning...

We got involved with the local clubs, went on special dates with premium valet treatment and even dropped our daughter off at school in the Cali. My wife loved the attention, pride of ownership and she loved the unfathomable performance. Ferrari's are works of art that can only be fully appreciated through experience. After we owned the Cali for about 8 months, we were driving a long, 20 Fcar rally behind a black 488 GTB on the back roads of Napa. That's when my wife said, "That 488 is a bad ass car. I want one like that." I was hiding my excitement - hoping she was serious but not really sure. Thanks be to God, she was serious. And she was in love with the experience of the car as much as me. I didn't have to do anything but start shopping for a 488 Spider. Yes, we bought used because we are still really pragmatic and frugal. But I found the exact spec we wanted and had her full blessing on the car. 2 Fcars in the garage now and still get to pinch myself every time I take one out. I can imagine and hope that your wife will experience and appreciate the thrill of driving such an amazing feat of engineering also - and once she does, she'll be hooked too. Hopefully she will bless you like my wife did for me. Best of luck my friend.

 

With all this Covid madness, I think we have all become more aware of our own mortality and that the freedoms and good health that we have perhaps been taking for granted aren't a given any more. Things can change for the worse with little or no warning. It is a cliche, but life is for living. I suspect that if your wife realises that you won't be burning money (it is a classic Ferrari and thus highly unlikely to plunge in value) and that you will get a lot of enjoyment out of it she will be OK with it. The car will be an asset and can be sold if need be.

I hope that you get to scratch the itch.

Grogger

 

I have some nice ones, one like you are looking at your garage now. Keep it simple. Tell her it makes you happy. Don’t perseverate. Buy it. Drive it with her and show her how happy you are. There I said it twice now.

 

Learned a new word today:

per·sev·er·ate
/pərˈsevəˌrāt/
verb
PSYCHOLOGY
repeat or prolong an action, thought, or utterance after the stimulus that prompted it has ceased.
"they perseverate under stress"​

 

Just do what I did.

I turned up one day and said "come downstairs, I have something I want to show you"

I find it is easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission, and since it is already here we may as well enjoy it, right?

 

This is a continuation of my post from yesterday. I bought a 308 when it was at the bottom of the depreciation curve. I paid $32000 for it. When I sold it, about 10 years later, I got $62000 for it. No, I didn't make a profit, considering the maintenance (two belt services). But I did get a lot of enjoyment for relatively little outlay.

 

I don't get this. Do you have any say in the home and does your wife respect the fact that you have passions and dreams? If you have the means and can uphold your way of life, what's there to justify? Having a wish and passion is justification enough. I take it that you as a pilot have something to do with your current good situation, correct? She may be fantastic in many ways and I can definitely understand why owning a plane may seem daunting, but a car? Make a power point presentation which presents your household financial status so she can't throw that at you, and then tell her what you want. Explain to her in simple terms that this may not be her passion, but it is yours, and you are going to fulfil it. Don't be overly sweet or try to smooch her. Be direct so she knows you have as much of a say in this as she does. Her opinion does not outweigh yours, and if all the financial means are there, money is not a valid reason. If you have to borrow, cancel vacations etc. then it's totally different. But if you each have money to spend and it's there, then do it and ask her to respect you as,a partner.

I will never understand this, ever. I meet couples where they are well to do, and the guy talks cars with me, and talks about how big of a dream an exotic is. Then I ask why he is procrastinating and the answer usually is "my wife thinks it's silly". I rarely say anything, but I think my facial expression is plenty. It probably reads a bit like this. "My god man, why don't you take your balls out of your wifes purse and put them where they belong!". I'm not known for being sexist or rude to women, my wife will attest to this. I just cannot stand other people holding others back just because it is not something that have their interest. Happy wife happy life? Not much happiness in a depressed husband with no vitality.

This is probably taking it a bit far, my point is just to illustrate that you have every right to have your wishes and passions respected. I hate to say this, but if ones partner does not do that, then one is in a VERY bad and toxic situation..


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Harsh. But dead on in IMO. If your finances are in order, your wife should want you to buy this car more than you want to buy it. Admittedly, after 20+ years of marriage, I'm still a novice to understanding the female mind!
T

 

It occurred to me a few years back that I wasn't really sure if I had properly communicated my wish for a Ferrari to my husband. I'd always wanted one, of course, but I was over in my own little world, dreaming. Your spouse needs to know how much you want it.

 

Ive never been married, but if I had one of the deal breakers would be that we kept some of our income as our own to spend however the heck we want. No way in Hell Id be beholden to anyone else, married or not, as to how I can spend at least a portion of my earnings.

 

If you work hard, support your family and can easily afford something you have true passion for then your wife should be ashamed. Buy the car cash and enjoy and fuss over every inch of it. If she raises a stink then say "Don't make me choose".

My wife made me buy my Ferrari because she said I earned it and wanted me to be happy. Honestly, should have started buying them a long time ago.

 

Holy cow... Reading through some comments here, I appreciate my wife more than ever!

But seriously, everyone's situation is different. I'm mid 30s, newly married, and bought my 488 with money I earned. We have no kids and no plan for kids. It was a lifelong dream, and she got that, even if she didn't fully understand it. I don't need her permission to spend my savings, and I made it clear that I didn't see marriage as a fiduciary union. It would be a guaranteed killer in any relationship if my partner started requiring approval for how I spend my income.

Now, add:
- Kids
- Mortgage
- A shared history of frugality and hard-won financial independence

... and I can see how the conversation would be completely different.

If it's within your financial means without having to make any serious compromises, and she really understands how much it means to you (you have to communicate this clearly, because otherwise she'll think it's just a passing whim) - and that the car won't really depreciate if well-maintained - then it would be unduly harsh to not give her blessing IMO.

 

Something else I will throw in this pile. Sometimes when partners get upset, go against or disapprove, it has to do with jealousy. This can either be directly targeted at the item because that's where your attention is, or it can be targeted towards your surroundings as you might receive more attention. To me such a situation underlines what Solid State said. Rather than the situation where she makes you choose, she has to make the choice. Will she stand beside you and be a part of what makes you happy, or will she stand across from you glaring because you have something in your life that is not dedicated to her needs and wants. That's the essence of it.

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You can make her part of the experience. Take her to Cavallino this year or another wonderful Ferrari event. Let her engage with other Ferrari Wives and perhaps do a few dinners. Then spec your car with her and buy it. It’s a process for most folks who have never conceptualized around owning a Ferrari or simply see a car as a utility that takes you from point A to B.

Or, you can just buy it. Do it in the spring so you can take her on a few nice drives.


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I think you missed the part of the OP looking at a used 328

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Same principle still applies, albeit scaled down a bit perhaps.






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I don't want to seem "gung-ho" or misogynistic

My initial guiding principle was to regret things I have done, not those I haven't, and it would be fair to say my wife disliked my first Ferrari (a Mondial) which I had for around 12yrs, but in which my sons and I went to Maranello 60th anniversary 2007, 3 editions of Le Mans Classic - with tents, sleeping bags etc. So in terms of being an object that was at the centre of family-bonding & putting images and memories in the collective "album" it was invaluable. Additionally it was inexpensive (sub £9k GBP in 2005) so after years of progressive recommissioning (no expensive single restoration) it returned 330% in resale (not incl. cherished registration plate) effectively paying all its bills in the interim.

Sensibly enough ;-) I doubled down on the current 360 Modena F1, which she loves & loves to drive too (incl. track tuition @ Goodwood). It also took us to Spa Classic (with some circuit time) with our best friends and now Porsche owning former neighbours. Theoretically it could always be sold, owing only motoring & maintenance. So my advice is if you can afford to have it cared for (find an independent specialist that you feel you can trust), and you can put it at the centre of your family, rather than an individual indulgence - then why not. The other point to make is that while it may not be an "investment", it is very much a market, like real estate, once you've bought-in you can move within it, the longer you stay out, the higher the barrier to initial entry.

Good luck!

 

No memories of ancient latin?
"errare humanum est, perseverare diabolicum"
("To err is human, to persit [in committing such error] is of the devil")

Rgds