How many were 'on their own' early in life?

Curious how many of you moved out/took responsiblity for all of your finances at an 'early' age. Say, right after highschool or during college. How was it? Was the experience rewarding and worth it? Did the financial burdon result in many missed life experiences?

To make a long story short, my relationship with my dad has gone way downhill since I have been in college. I pay for all expenses outside of tuition (they pay 60%, I pay 40%) and rent (I pay utilities). But every phone call I get from home, or every time I visit, finances are THE one topic we talk about. Usually in a heated manner. I haven't bought anything this year outside of gas, food, and 2 t-shirts, and one movie ticket. I also paid for my own car. As sad as it sounds, I feel like a burdon for going to college (although he could afford Vanderbilt tuition for me and my brother(s), if he were willing to do so) since all the conversations revolve around how much this semesters tuition/rent (300 a month) is hurting, and how I should have taken up ROTC (I got the scholarship, eyes weren't good enough to fly, am not interested in any other career paths offered by the military, although I do respect them greatly) etc. etc.. I'm considering taking the load on myself. I've signed up for all Tues/Thurs courses in preperation for such a move, I just havent talked to myself into it yet.

I'm really not interested in feeling like sh** anymore for going to school. Also if I were to get into a 'career' industry (real estate, for instance...and no, not another agent), it could be a chance to get some experience early. It may improve not only relations at home, but grades and my overall outlook on life as well. Nevermind that I have a 3.8 GPA up until now in a double major, or that I founded a sky diving club on campus and am in the process of founding one for Entreprenurial minded people, and so on and so forth, this rarely plays a factor into any conversations I have with my parents.

Despite the many academic/athletic/other awards I've recieved over the years in HS and College, the main thing I can recall is criticism. Perhaps I wont ever live up to their standards, and starting to live by my own will be the best foot forward in life. I hope I'm not coming across as ungrateful or whiney or lazy, I really am not. Its just my parents say they feel like their hard work goes unappreciated (they pay 60%, I make good grades and tell them thanks and I love you whenever they do something extra for me...I'm not sure what else I can do), well in a way, I feel the same way.

Your thoughts?

 

Ok, maybe that wasn't so short.

But I just got off the phone and was accused of 'partying too much' and 'not appreciating' all that they do for me.

I go out once a weekend, twice a month. With my own money. I could go out plenty more, I just choose not too, in consideration of them. I once spent 5 dollars of theirs on a cup at a party, and I'm still hearing about that.

Just a little heated right now.

 

Would 23 be considered early?

 

They pay rent and the majority of tuition. The two biggest expenses any college student has. Unless you are prepared to pay those expenses, you can't say ****.

Regardless of what you've done, they are still footing the bill. Perhaps their expectations are a bit high, but they still hold all the power in this relationship.

 

Understood Major Payne. But with the scholarships I have, I could foot the rest of the bill by myself, with the extra for food/living expenses, by working 30 hour weeks (I would probably work more though), with some left over to toss into savings or to invest.

My thing is, I'm not saying "sh**". I dont feel the need to nor do I want to. I'm happy to be going to college and figured, since like you said, their footing the bill (for the most part), my way of paying them back would be to excel. But for some reason this issue seems to keep coming up...every time we see eachother or talk on the phone. The subject dominates all conversations.

My dad went to the Air Force Academy, and I think he expects the same life style out of me (having a TV in the apartment is a big issue as well). I planned on going there, and was very enthused about it (had wanted to be a figher pilot for a long time), but my eyes weren't good enough. I also got an ROTC scholarship, but same story. So now I'm in business and have found a new passion. But I dont think this has sunken in yet back home.

Again, I dont wish to come across as an ungrateful little sh**. Those who know me know thats not who I am.

 

Moved to California from Miami on my 18th birthday with $800 in my pocket and not knowing a single person and no college education. Slept in my car for awhile.

Worked my butt off and only spent the bare minimum to exist..lived in a one bedroom apt with 5 people, ate cans of tuna. Did this for about 4 years while saving and learning my chosen career.

Now I own the company. You can do it.

Accept that you will live in poverty for a few years while you work on your future..dont make the mistake so many do with getting a nice apt or car.

Your situation is a little different in that you are going to college so you have an expense I didnt have.

remember you can sleep when you are dead

Good luck with everything

J

 

I'm simply saying, in my situation, I basically just do whatever my parents tell me. The money they provide helps greatly during my studies. I'm not afraid of working (just worked 90 hours last week) - but when in school I prefer to study without other pressures.

 

Thanks alot! Have heard a few similar stories from members on here. Very inspiring! I love realistic optimists.

 

I joined the Navy the week after I turned 17 and have been on my own ever since. After 3 years in the Navy I used VA benefits for college and law school... I also worked part time jobs off and on...

 

I was on my own from before HS and worked 2 jobs to get thru school. I don't feel that your parents owe you anything more than they have already done for you which is a lot. A lot more than many kids get. It's something you should thank them for because they deserve it. It's the golden rule , son. He who has the gold makes the rules. If you want to do it by yourself , you will be a better man. When you get out , pay them back and then you are free to tell them to lighten up.
Sounds to me like they aren't too bad. Better than average parents looking out for you. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth. If you don't like the deal you got, change it. You can't take the money and expect no demands from the parents. Sounds to me like the money is a lot to them and not just pocket change.

 

I didn't realize who you were when I posted. My advise is still the same. You seem like a nice guy to me for what that is worth.

 

pretty ballsy.....

 

My parents paid my way through college and I knew that I had to excel in my classes to feel that I'm at least giving something back on their investment. They don't really care what I do in my free time as long as I do well in my classes. I also don't understand the TV problem your dad has. I was an Econ major, too, and just graduated this past Saturday!

 

Those who don't know when to shut up - Lose.

Those who do know when to shut up - Win.
___

Years ago - I was over at a former friend's place (his twin was, and remains one of my my best friends, but, he was stationed in Hawaii at the time), his Italian Mother was carrying on, big time, about a long distance phone call. She. would. not. shut. up.

So, Danny comes back in the Living Room, and I said, "Danny, ask her how much the phone call was." He did... turned out it was 25 cents.

I gave him a quarter.

He gave it to her.

She. shut. up.

She lost.
______

In one fell swoop, remind them of your frugal ways, work ethic, desire to succeed. In short, the method to your madness. Give them $5.00. That will cover the cup you bought at the party.

IMPORTANT: Shut. Up.

A good salesman knows when to Shut up. The first person to speak... loses.

You will win.

 

Your parents sound the same as mine did. They will make you feel guilty for everything you are doing. i can guarantee you they will also be bragging after you get out of college about how if it wasn't for them you wouldn't be where your at today...

My brother chose to stop receiving money and paid for it himself and is happy he did it that way.

I went into business pretty early for myself but I heard the same crap as you when I did go to school.

Take the harder but higher road while continuing to respect you parents.

 

My dad was also an Air Force officer who went to the Canadian version of the academy. He hit the roof when I wanted to go to Hawaii for college, mostly because I was going to get help from my stepdad, who ended up paying my balance for the first semester - about $3600 - before my student loans cleared and then I was largely on my own. I got a job and worked and used the loan to get through first year. From there I earned more scholarships and worked, and finished with only that one small student loan.

Since my dad had gone to college on his own through the military, he kept trying to get me to "be self-sufficient" and not take the help of my stepdad (which, as I noted, ended the first semester). He tried and tried to talk me into enlisting. But I was more interested in getting to college quick and not delaying it by working... too many people are still lingering around the dingy steeltown I grew up in after trying that path.

I recommend that you not take a job that would ruin your grades, especially if you want to do grad school. What I suggest is that you write a written letter to your Dad (on paper, by hand, not email - they're more effective) explaining your feelings about them persisting on finances and how it's affecting you. Bring up the things you are doing to save money, how moderate your lifestyle really is and gently provide comparisons to the other students; what I think your parents might lack is an understanding of what everyone else is going through too, especially since your Dad's personal take on college and finances having gone to a gov't academy is so radically different from the average family's. Play up what is good about your situation. If you make it clear that their relentless bellowing about cost is hurting you, I would hope they would stop after an honest, non-provoking letter.

Sounds like you might be the oldest, too. Well, our lot is that they figure out what doesn't work on us!

 

geez, too bad. my mom never said a word...I told her thanks and that was enough for her.

 

Good post, and the main thing I wanted to get across is that I DO appreciate all they have done, and I dont want college expenses to hurt our relationship. Thus I'm considering paying for it myself, and like you said, paying them back. The money isn't 'pocket change', but without going into details, it comes out to around 1/25th of their total income.

They are not bad parents in the least.

 

Very good advice, something I thought about starting last night. But figured since we had just got off the phone, it would probably be better to give it a night to clear my head and cool off first. The idea of writing it out is far better too, because I have tried making comparisons over the phone about how low-key I've kept my life style for the sake of finances to other peoples, but I'm sure you know the typical response ("I dont give a sh** what other people are doing etc.").

Good guess, I am the oldest too haha.

 

Appreciate it Bob.

I dont think this is a huge crisis, but something that, perhaps, I should take the reigns of now to prevent any further escalation.

Ryalex has a good idea though. I have a bunch to do today while I mull over my options.

Thanks guys.

 

.

 

Leon...

I, too, think, Ryan's idea is a good one... A non-threatening, well thought-out, hand-written letter shows sincerity and a good attitude about the whole situation... Don't be hasty to leave; I did that when I was young(er) and learned a lot the hard way... It seems as though you have a lot going for you - definitely try to keep it that way... Your parents will realize your success - either before or after it comes to fruition - and they will (most likely) forget the trivialities...

I left home when I was 15, put in an extra year of high school, dropped out of college (twice) - and have nary a degree nor regular diploma to show for it - all because I was stubborn and largely excommunicated myself from anyone who didn't see things my way... A mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it - and I look back and see a lot of them... Try to stick it out, even though your folks are nagging about cash... Take Ryan's suggestion and write that letter... Be amicable about it all; try to come to reasonable terms that everyone can appreciate... Trust me, it's definitely worth putting in the effort now, as opposed to having to "walk up hill both ways" later on... Good luck.

 

Hey Leon.......!!

I dropped out of high school half way thru grade 10.........I couldn't stand the cirriculum and my parents ragging on about what grades I should be getting or what I was going to do with myself (they were good grades but not great....B's mainly) or what I was doing with my free time. It was not so much my father actually.......it was my mother.

So I joined the army at 17.5 (my father was in the military for 37 years) and served 6 years before I went to "civvy street"......I've never looked back since. There was no one to take care of me anymore from the point when I raised my right hand and swore the oath.......in retrospect (which is always 20/20) I would do it all over again.......no second thoughts here.......young adults should cut the umbilical cord as early as they can !!

Don't know if that helps...........but as far as parents go, when they are not paying for anything, they tend not to say anything either.

Good luck bud !!!

 

I moved out the summer I graduated from highschool. 5 younger sisters.. nuff said. And no, you may not have pics.

It was rough, but exciting. Didnt know any better. I was waiting tables with my best friend and going to school. Most of my friends were party animals, idoits, or both. It was very hard sacrificing my social life to keep on truckin with school and work. Thankfully, I had some bug inside me that allowed me to think on my own and not follow the herd. My parents paid for part of my school for the first 2 years. After about 6 mos of eating top ramen and rice, my friend got me fired from my waiting job. Blessing in disguise.

Then I got a job as a paper-jocky (makin copies, answering phones) at a small mortgage bank. Back then, it was dead (1999). One of the owners took a liking to me, got me motivated, and another string of events later... im licensed, running the branch, and about 100x more confident, experienced, grounded and knowledgable. Got a lot more out of work than school. Granted, I was at the right place, right time. You need to make yourself available to opportunity. And then go for it. I remember I was so affraid at first, being so young. But then I realized most people in my business, ESPECIALLY today, are complete morons. Its hard to go from timid to successful and not get cocky or jaded. Just remember to appreciate, not sell yourself short, and stay grounded. Balance, would be a good word to sum it up.

Ive paid my own way through school for the most part, took it upon myself to buy my first townhouse at 21. I asked my parents if they would help me, even give them half ownership. They told me I was crazy to buy in this market (4 years ago...) So i did it myself. Fortunately, I kept investing in more real estate, and none in the stock market. Growing up, everyone around me always was saying "DAMN I wish I would have bought real estate when I was younger." Sometimes if you listen to old farts, they have good information It really helped that I was desesnsitized from real estate. It wanst a big deal to buy property to me, so that helped. Making the same money in another industry, I may not have done the same at as young of an age. A lot of my friends (scratch that, people i know) in the business are trying to figure out how to get a 10 year loan on a Gallardo instead of buying a home. I dont get it. Thats so-cal I guess..

With respect to my parents (mainly step-mom that raised me) - she was a hardass. Hated it a lot. But now I appreciate it. Many of my friends think the DESERVE everything, instead of having to EARN it. Huge difference with people my age I know.

I hate to say it, but experience is more important than education, if you had to weigh it. I love school (still going..... 7 year plan) but its a serious waste of my time and insult to my intelligence. Now if I didnt have to work and I could afford to go to some ivyleage school, thats different. Because you would make so many contacts, and get a much better education and more stimulation. If you have a great opportunity for school, take it. If you have a great opportunity for a job, take it. Unfortunatley, there are no guarantees either way.

Sorry so long!

 

Been on my own since I was 16