How would you deal with this situation?

Don't you just love "family" holidays like the one we just had? I was thrown into a situation where I have been compelled to pick sides in an argument. Tell me your thoughts on the subject...

1. Dad and son play the Wii together often. It is kind of their thing to do together. The son is a little too young to really enjoy it by himself, so he needs help to get it set up.

2. One fine holdiay Mom and Dad are arguing about normal things and he says she never does anything the son wants. "You wouldn't think of playing the Wii with him", he accuses.

3. Mom considers the suggestion and decides and few minutes after the argument that even though she doesn't really care about the Wii, she would play it with her young son.

4. Just as they are about to play the Wii, dad bursts in and gives the son an ultimatum: if he plays the Wii with his mother, the dad will never play with the son again.

5. Son decides not to play with his mother, and has to wait until the end of the bowl game before the dad is ready to play it with him.

Your thoughts?

 

It is not my son, but part of my extended family.

The easiest thing would be to simply not get involved, but I don't think the participants will allow this to happen.

To me the Wii is merely incidental. It is more about making the child pick sides and a power struggle in a tenuous marriage. There are shades of gray between just old-fashioned manipulation and emotional abuse. I'm not sure where this falls, but I have little doubt the child will remember this, I'm sure the mom will. It seems he attempted to create a situation where the mother would fail (either she doesn't play Wii and is blamed, or plays and the child is hurt because dad is now mad at him for "betraying thier thing", and she is blamed).

The dad claims he does not want to be married. In my observation he lacks the courage to either make a change to himself so the marriage improves or leave and let them all pick up the pieces. He has had a tough couple of years but I would think that would make him appreciate his family more. Maybe his baseless ego and well-developed sense of entitlement trump that.

It's sad, he used to not be this way. I'm not sure when he changed.

 

Update. Things apparently have deteriorated.

Husband gave the silent treatment for several days, refusing to discuss anything. As "luck" would have it, the wife is also being called away for work and will be gone for a week coming up. Wife was setting up Skype accounts so she could talk to husband and son while abroad, husband told her "don't bother I won't answer the call".

In the meantime, husband has became more hostile and now refuses any contact with wife unless it is an emergency. But they still live in the same house that she pays the mortgage on at the moment, I don't know exactly what he is expecting to happen. Maybe make things so unbearable so she leaves and then he can claim she abandoned her son?

Bizarre behavior.

In my observation he takes all of his lifetime of emotional hurt and pain and projects all of this crap on his wife. SHE is the reason he is miserable. Much easier to hate her than actually look at himself it seems. But at least in Missouri, I don't think you can compell someone to attend professional counseling. Maybe if they file for divorce she can insist on counseling sessions for their son and therefore the husband will have to attend.

 

Wife is leaving for week-long trip today. Husband chose midnight to pick another fight so the breadwinner and mother was good and tired for her flight.

Left her guessing whether she would have divorce papers waiting when she returned, but implied he was planning to do so.

Absolutely refuses counseling of any kind despite pleas from his wife and will not listen to anyone. Imagine a pressure-packed and exhausting week coupled with this kind of crap waiting when she gets back home.

It is like he is miserable and wants everyone miserable around him. A divorce may not turn out the way he is expecting.