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I miss Rodney Dangerfield...

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by maranelloman, Nov 22, 2004.

  1. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    Rodney Dangerfield jokes:

    1. I was so poor growing up ... if I wasn't a boy ...
    I'd have had nothing to play with.

    2. A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over;
    nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.

    3. During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to
    me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

    4. One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging
    naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing
    that?" He said "Because you came home early."

    5. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning ... put
    a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and
    the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.

    6. I was such an ugly kid...When I played in the
    sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.

    7. I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were
    a toaster and radio.

    8. I was such an ugly baby...My mother never breast
    fed me. She just liked me as a friend.

    9. I'm so ugly...My father carries around a picture of the kid who
    came with his wallet.

    10. When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and
    said to my father, "I'm sorry We did everything we could, but he
    pulled through."

    11. I'm so ugly...My mother had morning
    sickness...AFTER I was born.

    12. I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece
    of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

    13. Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help
    me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find
    them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can
    hide."

    14. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off
    next Wednesday.

    15. I'm so ugly...I worked in a pet shop, and people
    kept asking how big I'd get.

    16. I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning
    when I get up and I look in the mirror...I feel like throwing up;
    What's wrong with me?" He said..."I don't know but your eyesight
    is perfect."

    17. I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a
    bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks
    and get some rest.

    18. With my old man I got no respect. I asked him,
    "How can I get my
    kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.

    19. Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he
    leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he
    went on the paper four times -three of those times I was reading
    it.

    20. One year they wanted to make me poster boy - for birth
    control.

    21. My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in
    his lap; he was in the electric chair.

    22. Even as a kid I got no respect. I was so short that I
    had to blow my nose through my fly.

    23. When I was young, hey, I was a great lover. The women, they'd
    yell, they'd moan, they'd scratch my back. But I wouldn't take no for
    an answer.
     
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  3. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,836
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    Steak and sex my favorite pair,

    I have them both the same way...

    Very rare!

    _____________________

    DL
     
  4. Dom

    Dom F1 Veteran
    Rossa Subscribed Owner

    Nov 5, 2002
    7,942
    Southern California
    Full Name:
    Dom V.
    My wife and I, we're very different. She likes to give to the homeless, I like to give to the topless...

    RIP Rodney, we all miss you.

    Dom
     
  5. cochise

    cochise Karting

    Nov 3, 2003
    139
    Lake Mary, Florida
    Full Name:
    Dempsey Chavis
    Hey Moose, Rocco, help the judge find his checkbook. !!
     
  6. amenasce

    amenasce Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed

    Oct 17, 2001
    29,203
    Full Name:
    Joe Mansion
    Thats great "One day I came home early from work ... I saw a guy jogging
    naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing
    that?" He said "Because you came home early.""

    Who was him ?
     
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  8. snj5

    snj5 F1 World Champ

    Feb 22, 2003
    10,213
    San Antonio
    Full Name:
    Russ Turner
    "That's the worst looking hat I ever saw..it should come with a bowl of soup...looks good on you, though"

    My dentist is no bargain either. I told him I had yellow teeth...he told me to get a brown necktie.

    I picked up a seashell to listen to the ocean...it told me to get off the beach

    I'm half jewish and half Japanese...in fact, I was circumcised at Benihana's


    He will always be my absolute favorite.
     
  9. docdavid

    docdavid Formula Junior

    Jan 23, 2004
    384
    Toronto/K-W
    Full Name:
    Mike D
    "Hey baby, you must've been something before electricity."

    "Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it."

    "Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid."

    "Your a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?"

    Caddyshack is one of the best movies ever
     

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