I really need some advice.......marriage in crisis....

Age means nothing,

Trust alot, but can be restored if love is there.

That's the question, she shouldn't have done what she did, but sometimes fear of loss cripples us.

Forgive and forget, love and be happy, a good relationship is priceless.

J

 

How come this is your very first post on Ferrarichat?? In the last 3 years, have you never been to family gatherings or birthday parties where long ago high school or collge classmates of hers attended that would talk about what year she graduated, or how old she was when so and so did this in that year and so forth??

When you were getting married, didn't any of her family member ask you how old you were? or you ask about her age? not out of suspicion.. Just general conversation..

 

yes...i agree that age means nothing. 6 years? that's a relatively small amount of time compared to your entire life span.
what really matters is love. if you love her....then that is all that counts. stay together. however if the love somehow is missing, then u must do what u got to do.

 

it sounds like you might be well served by some professional advice as opposed to whatever a bunch of random goons like us on an internet chat site have to say.

doody.

 

Well, to be candid, only you have the answer to your question. If you still love her and the trust can grow back into the relationship then you should stay. If that trust is lost forever thean I am afraid you might have to swallow the bitter pill.

 

Personally I would have taken off after finding she had two children and withheld that from you... I say you start shopping for someone a bit more honest and upfront(your age of course ).



-DC

 

I agree with Mr. Doody in that you should seek some professional counselling etc. But having said that, I will offer my $0.02 which in this case is probably worth even less than that, since I have never been married.

The age difference is not the issue. The issue is that she is a liar. She has lied to you twice and her claim that there is nothing else to divulge is pretty much meaningless, coming from a proven liar.

People have of course salvaged their relationships from far worse transgressions so at the end of the day, it's up to you alone as to whether the good outweighs the bad and you decide to move forward.

FWIW, I really don't see how her true age is only coming to light now - aren't there all sorts of legal requirements to be met pre-marriage that would require a lot of info incl. age?

 

Hmmm, that is odd, doesn't seem like she's particularly open to introducing you to her past very much, but seems like neither are you, if you got married in Vegas without the presence of your family and friends.... I hope it all works out...

 

Run.

If she is capable of lying to you effectively and efficiently over a span of months.... Run.


But this is also very true;

 

Here is my 2 cents.
She did'nt want to scare you off with her age and kids when you first met.
Perhaps you told her of the age gap with your ex and she did the math.
Anyways if your happy otherwise i would leave it be.

 

IMO, you'll forget about it after 5 years thinking to yourself, it is only a few more years. It's nothing critical, but yes, it does breach trust issues. However, it is the trust between you and her, not from anything external. That in itself, should tell you there isn't anything extra-marital going on. Perhaps in five or ten years down the road, you'll remember this as a speed bump, small hurdle or other little item that you eventually got over.

Give it time.. you'll figure out what is important to you. And if age is that? Well, you are in a great relationship right now that has worked well for you for years. Look around at others who have failed relationships, and I bet you that age didn't have anything to do with it.

 

Dude, it's not the age you should be sweating. So now you know of the true age difference; does that make the last 3 and a half years any less memorable...? Does that make all those intimate times any less meaningless...? No. Absolutely not.

Dude, your sole concern here should be the lacxk of honesty. A few months i one thing; a few years after marriage is entirely different. You have every right to question the strength of the trust in the relationship.

On the other hand, what little you've said here on a public internet chat forum indicates strong feelings towards sizeable age differences. i can only imagine how magnified those feelings must be in private. Voicing such strong emotions would certainly keep her truth at bay, which is a possibility as to why she waited to so long to say something in the first place.

Don't sweat the age, dude, it's the honesty that's the issue.

When i was 17, i dated a woman who was... older. i trusted her more than any of the girls i'd dated who were remotely close(r) to my age; age is just a number...


Lastly, Doody's advice is the most sound. You get what you pay for and free marital advice on an automotive enthusiast's website is not exactly the uncovered treasure of the century. Good luck, dude. Hang in there...

 

Davey, one thing that bothers me here is birthdays... If one child lives with you, how come age NEVER became a topic whenever your wife had a birthday...? No age jokes, nothing...? That's the only thing that sounds a bit weird about this whole thing.

 

How did you find out how old she really is?? Did she volunteer this information?? Or did you come across her drivers license or something??

See no evil, hear no evil...

If her kids managed to grow up having a positive relatinship with her mom without knowing this info, I don't really see why you can't either.. Good luck...

 

First of all, someone who lies about something like whether or not they have children is rediculous. A simple, "I'd rather not discuss that" or (God forbid) the truth would do just fine in this case. Forgiving this lie leads to more lies.

And now the age lie? What could possibly come next?

Why does she feel the need to lie about fundamentals such as these in order for you to marry her? Better seek the advice/counsel from someone who actually knows your personal situation.

Remember the saying: F*ck me once, shame on you..... f*ck me twice, shame on ME!

DL

ps. I realize in affairs of the heart, this may come off a little harsh but you asked.

 

Weigh the plus, weigh the minus.

It sounds like the relationship is worth more than your disappointment. Age is just a number, but trustworthiness is a much bigger issue.

My lovely first wife brought me a real eyeopener after we lost our first child.
It was a "full disclosure" type item as well. What can you do, man?

Take a penalty stroke, or "play it as it lays"!!! WHACK!!

If she's good to you, and good FOR you, I'd think that'd be enough.

Women are pretty uptight about years. Myself, I'm more concerned with "previous owners" and "mileage"!!

Speedy"Just play a counselor, on TV"308

 

Post a pic of the two of you in your profile.

We'll all look deep into her eyes and give you the "she loves you, keep her", or "shifty and can't be trusted" response.

Dude, I think it's much ado about nothing really. It doesn't sound like either one of you are spring chickens! I had a run of older gfs for awhile, and they were GREAT!!! You don't find your match (for myself here) dealing with Barbie dolls!! It takes a few experiences in life to appreciate a fine wine over MD 20/20.

That said a good conselor that you both enjoy can be money very well spent.

 

Have you thought of the reason why She lied?By reading what you have posted I would think that She did"nt want to put you off, and the lies just got pushed further and further back until She probably thought the lie was actually the truth,I would be worried about any other lies.If Iwas in this situation I would give it one last try,tell her to come clean(because there is obviously more,there always is)if She says there is no more then warn Her its Her last chance,if you find out anything else then the marriage is over.
Good luck.
Dave Mc

 

So she lied as recently as a couple of weeks ago???????

DL

edit. She INSTINCTIVELY lied in the hospital instead of telling the truth (even after years of marraige)! AND.....It took an emergency room experience to get to the truth.

You should get those records.