Is it possible to spend too much time with your kids?

I'm 21, but my dad worked from home, and it never hurts to have someone around to keep your kids in line and bust their heads in when needed . Just send them off to day care for half a day or pre school so they can develop with others too. And don't baby them and do whatever they want or take them where they want all the time; kick em outside and tell them to go play and don't come back for serveral hours.

It's better to have you as a major influence to built their character than tv, music, and they're dumb little trouble making friends

 

I work evenings, so I'm home with the wee-ones during the day, no matter how great the job is, I HATE to go to work at 3pm.

About creativity, when was the last time you saw an adult that was MORE creative than any child (Robin Williams aside)?

 

Ryan, I'm no expert 7 years in, but I don't think it's possible to spend too much time with your children. In no time at all, they're off to school, plus sports, music lessons, etc. and there you are wondering if you're doing right by your child. I did start my son early with Montessori school at 3 years old and it was the best thing I've done for him. He's curious, creative, responsible, a voracious reader--what more could I ask for?

Thankfully, my wife and I have the flexibility to be there for him. We'll keep this up until it's time for high school.

Last week, someone asked me when I last experienced joy. And you know what? It was just a couple of days earlier when, for the first time, I was on the ski lift with my son, snowboards strapped to our feet. That rocked.

 

No.

DL

 

I knew you'd have the right answer! But then, you also have minipilota!

--Dan

 

In the age where most parents have kids so that they can drop them off at 7 and pick them up at 7pm from daycare, it is nice to hear that you are considering working from home in order to see them more often. On the flip side, I know that some people cannot work from home (I am one of them, I need another set of 4 walls).
It all comes down to balance. We chose to lower our standard of living a bit (not move to a larger house) so that my wife could stay home with the kids during the most formative years (0-4). Once they are both in pre-K and kindergarten, they will need the social interaction and stimulation. And do not forget, once they become teenagers, they will be embarassed to be seen with you, so get your time in now !

 

One can never spend too much time with his/her kids.

 

It's refreshing to read all of these comments from parents that refuse to institutionalize their offspring in order to promote a "richer" lifestyle. How pathetic that is.

But to answer your question, Ryan, I don't think you have to worry about lying on your death bed asking yourself "Should I have spent less time with the kids?"

On the other hand, I think it is very healthy for kiddos to see that daddy works, and that's what daddies have to do. I debate this myself on occasion - I pay someone to mow my lawn, do my laundry, clean up the dog poo, change my oil - all of these things so that I have more TIME to spend with my wife and kids. But I do sometimes wonder if my kids are going to grow up EXPECTING to hire someone to do everything!

Does anyone else struggle with this?

 

Damn, I was hoping someday to have kids so I don't have to pay somebody to mow my lawn. j/k.


I don't have kids, but most of my friends do. I just spent the afternoon at a 3 yr old's birthday party. I have lots of respect for you parents.

 

Sorry, I couldn't resist!

DL
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What Darth, pretty much everyone else said, plus...

You can do things with your kids that we think nothing of, that they think are the neatest things. Getting the mail, getting the paper, fixing a squeaky door or chair, stuff we do, but could care less about.

My kids want to help, be in the middle, hand you stuff, ask ?'s about whatever. It is the best thing I have ever done. EVER. Even our nearly 1yo son likes to play in the middle of a project. Yes, it takes 3-4 times longer, but it feels like it passes instantly. And next time, here they come with the right tools, advice, and are ready to do it all again.

We have people who come help with tasks, and my kids are respectful to them, interested in what they do, and learn from them all. Amazing to watch.
My daughter remembers details of things we have done on the cars, at the office, whatever. At 3.5yo. Children have an innate capacity for growth and learning. We just need to expose them to variety and open-minded pursuits.

I have cut back at work to spend more time with them, but whatever time you do spend, make it QUALITY time. Rides to school, grocery store, putting shoes on, mundane stuff can be great if you connect each and every time.

Sorry for long answer, and it really isn't long enough. My wife and kids are the best things in my life, ever. Enjoy your families.

 

he needs some bricks on his feet so he can reach the pedals.

 

Ryan

I can only speak for myself and my experience, but as a dad with two grown daughters off at college......

you can NEVER spend too much time with your kids.

Trust me. I miss mine something awful. I talk to them every day, and I fly out several times to watch them play, but it's not the same as sharing their day. I even miss their arguing with each other, and the constant needling they give each other.

They grow up sooooo fast. Right now you may think you spend enough time with them, but when you are sitting home after they have moved out, you will regret missing even a single minute with them.

Work from your house if you can now. When they grow up, do anything you want, anywhere you want to do it. Work 20 hours a day if you want. Work out of an airplane seat. Work two jobs. But while they need you, be there every minute you can give them.

You will never regret it.......I promise.

 

Not sure if my way is right but here is what I did. When my daughter was born 6 years ago my wife and I decided to try a new approach in child care. She quit work to be a full time Mom. I am kind of a workaholic who has not taken a day off from work for about the last 7 years but luckily my office is close to home so I make it home for dinner every night with family. The one thing we have done every single night is to have what she call's "Daddy and Aliyah time" This consists of about an hour of time before her bed time that is just for me and her. Is funny at first I found this to be kind of a pain as I use to watch news then business news shows at this time. Now I look back and realize this has been the best time of my life, especially knowing how in a couple of years she will probably not want to spend this time with me, you know when they start that drop me off down the street so they wont be seen with you. I know you will hear that "enjoy them now as they grow up so quickly", Is so very true, I have no Idea where the last 6 years went

 

This might surprise some of you, but I have to say "yes." You can spend too much time with your kids.

First some background. I believe that, as a group, we Baby Boomers have been awful parents. This is a broad brush, but we have micro-managed our kids so much that many of them have difficulties acting on their own. Day care, car pool, organized sports, after-school activities, private schools, family trips, elaborate parties, and so forth and so on are just a few examples of how we have tried to be our kids best friends, and not their parents.

A buddy of mine and I were discussing this yesterday. When we were growing up, we spent very little time at home. During the Summer, I'd leave my house in the morning and normally didn't come back until dark, unless it was with a group of my buds, and we were hungry. The same was true during the school year except that we had to at least pretend to go to school.

We NEVER played any organized sports outside of school. We put together our own games and made up our own rules.

The funny part is that almost all of us had stay-a-home moms, and dads who came home at 6:00. However, they never said anything to us except for us to pick up our messes (mom) or call us a dumbass (dad).

In my day (I graduated from high school in 1970), it was very common for boys to move out by the time they were 16 or 17. An older brother or a friend of an older brother would have a place, and we'd start spending more and more time there and less and less at home.

In the upscale Xburb where I live, I have NEVER heard of this happening. Indeed, I see the opposite, i.e., the kids are still at home even after college!

That said, there is a time and place for everything. When my son was 12/13, I spent the better part of that year with him coaching him about school. Up to that point, he had been the typical bright boy. Smart, but really didn't care about all this crap. Here's what I said:

"Nobody ever told me this. But if you beat your head against the wall, it hurts. So the trick in life is deciding not to beat your head against the wall."

I taught him how to play the school game. Do your homework. Don't get behind. Stay after class and talk to your teachers. Don't get into a hole early. Try and ace those first tests.

He went from a B-/C+ student to straight As, which did more for his self esteem than any Dr. Phil.

I also coached a basketball team for him (the coaches' son always gets to play the most) even though I didn't know squat about the game.

We got very close during that time. I promised him that I would never bs or lie to him. If he was fuking up, I promised to tell him the truth.

This changed when he discovered girls at 15. (Don't get me started about young girls today. Man-oh-man.) I was no longer his friend, but I was still his dad. As I told him on several occassions, "My only responsibility to society is to make sure that you don't turn out to be a serial killer or a Democrat."

But, now that he is almost 18, we have grown a lot closer. He has made some mistakes during the last few years (drinking, too much partying, getting into cars with kids who have been drinking, spending too much time with girl friends), but he is starting to recognize, again, the wisdom in my message. College is on the horizon. Things are going to change. He has seen some old friends burn out and become stoners. So there is hope yet, eh?

My point is that you have to give kids enough room to be themselves. Too many Boomer parents try to live vicariously through their kids. To many Boomer parents try to correct the "mistakes" of their childhood by being best friends to thier children.

Ryan, your role is to be dad. As much as you will want to be best pals with your son, this is not your lot in life.

Don't even think about trying to correct the "mistakes" in your own upbringing. Life is meant to be lived by looking out the front windshield and not the rear view mirror. Why burden your kids with your karma?

Finally, don't pay the slightest bit of attention to all the well-meant advice that you get. You'll do just fine all by yourself.

Good luck, Dale

 

I agree with Dale here. It IS possible to spend too much time to the point you suffocate the independent being.

The other tragic situation I see is home schooling. For the life of me, I cannot understand the arrogance of ANY parent, even if they have won 6 Nobel Prizes, to think that their one view on the world is all the kids need to be exposed to. These kids don't learn how to deal with the social aspects of dealing with ...shall I say.... those less fortunate. They develop essentially no social skills.

Yes I know home schoolers have "outings" and meetings, but they still get a very narrow perspective on life determined usually by parents that have very strong views, and want their child to conform to their ideas.

I'm not saying any of these parents are wrong, but being exposed to different ideas, even if they are bad ideas, I think helps greatly in training a child in how to deal with the real world.

So yes, you can spend too much time with a child, especially if the underlying motive is to create a copy of oneself.

I believe a parent's ultimate role is to produce a totally independent offspring that has all the skills, knowledge and DESIRE to get through life with no dependence on the parents, spouse or social services.

 

I am no child psychologist but I understand the difference between over protection and spending a lot of time with own kids. I think there should be a balance of protection and degrees of freedom where even a toddler can experiment and learn from his experiences. As parents (I only have a couple of years of experience), it is ultimately our responsibility to make sure they learn from their experiences. There must be a relationship/bond built and nurtured so when they understand and they have the capacity/willingness to learn they can fully take advantage of parents’ wealth of knowledge. Idealistic maybe and I am hoping we get to that point some day.

 

I agree with you 100%. I think you'll be a good Dad too!

 

I'm 19years old and in college(go hawks!). I think the most important thing is having dinner with your family often. My Dad when I was younger worked a lot. But, he always made it home for dinner at least 4 times mon-fri and always on sunday. The thing that I always and still enjoy is sitting around the table and sharing how your day went and what new was going on or what problems there were. I have friends who's parent's work from home but they never see or really talk to them throughout the day because they stay in the office working. The hour-hour and a half at dinner was more enjoyable being together then every trip I've been on or car I've driven (maybe not the 355) but Ryan give them a few hours of time instead of 10 min here and there.
Erik

 

I have 12 & 8 yr old kids and have been working out of the house for the last 5 years and love it. We just had to put together a set of rules which stated when Dad is working, you can't disturb him... that most Dads have to go to an office but I work at home.

This is a great concept; however sometimes it's pretty difficult to uphold. When I'm up to me eyeballs at work and my little girl comes in to show me something, sometimes it's hard to give her all my attention... and sometimes I have to be somewhat "short" with her. But they understand for the most part. Fortunately Mom's at home for all the support they need.

On the other hand, I get to squeeze them every morning before school and if I'm not busy in the afternoon, I really enjoy greeting them when they get home. I travel quite a bit and get to meet with customers often... so I get all the "outside" business and adult time I need.

So, set up the rules and give it a shot. I don't think you can spend too much time with your kids. And good luck with your new full-time opportunity!!!


Edit: And I don't have to spend 2 hours in my car every day commuting in Dallas traffic!