Issue I had this past saturday.

texasmr2 · Feb 24, 2012

Zack said: ↑

No pissing match. To clarify some items you raised:
1. I don't live in Cyprus anymore. Split my time between France, California.
2. I choose my friends wisely, and not one of them has ever kicked me out of their house. If they did, the friendship would cease. I respect myself too much to ever approach someone like that again.
3. It's not about being big. I am plenty magnanimous, I can assure you, and my friends will be the first to tell you that I always give more than I take. Like you, I do more for them and their parents than they do for me, and sadly, they can't do jack for my parents since my folks do not travel with me and are on a different continent. I do know that if I was here, I would not hesitate to ask my true friends to help me if I needed something. They have always come through in the past, and I feel they always will. That's what friendship is about, as you know.
4. I think you should read some books on relationship dynamics. You are a nice guy, but you let yourself be taken advantage of, and justify it to yourself as being nice. It's not. Look for other ways to resolve the same situation. There's a huge chasm between what you are doing and being a hardass. It does not have to be one or the other. Plenty of diplomatic ways to resolve it that leave your pride intact. Being big does not mean having to swallow pride. Indeed, in a "real" relationship, pride does not even enter the equation. Both parties are committed and happy to do what it takes to keep it going. What you have described is you being a pushover and needy, and them walking all over you, and by calling him back, you are continuing this. Surely if he valued the friendship, he would call you back too? In fact, he would call first and apologize. He didn't, and you can't seem to read the lessons inherent in this. Instead, you are reading into it what you want it to be (you being the bigger man). That is simply an incorrect read.
5. About respecting other people...see, again your perspective is skewed. Respect comes from within. If you respected yourself enough, you would be secure in running with the joke. It seems to indicate something else deeper within you that is an issue. Resolve that, and the rest of this mess will fall into place. You are addressing symptoms right now, not the problem. You can fix the symptoms (no more jokes about drugs, no more kicking people out, no more ignoring each other, etc.) but the problem will remain (uneven respect). Resolve that (from within) and all these issues will cease to exist. Your friendship bonds will be stronger because you have a stronger personality, and people will respect you, and these kinds of unpleasant situations will melt away.

Again, not about me vs. you, but I would NEVER allow myself to be in a situation where somebody would kick me out over a disagreement over a joke. Simply because I know what kinds of jokes I make, and if they can't take it, one of the required foundations for a solid friendship would be missing so we would never get to that level of friendship. In a similar vein, if drug humor is so deplorable to you, you should be able to state it and have a true friend respect it, and if someone does not respect it, then you should not entertain the notion that they could be a true friend. See what I mean? Another example: you said I don't have any real friends. If I was insecure, I would rise to the challenge and get hot under the collar and cite all sorts of examples of true friendships that I am at the center of. Being secure in oneself, however, means not taking the bait. It's sort of like "I know what I know, and what do I care whether you are on the same wavelength or not" except I do care to the extent that I want you to see my perspective, but not to the extent that I want to prove you wrong or get into an argument.

You allowed the relationship to go where you didn't like it to be at. That's because you did not read your friend's personality and relationship dynamics properly. That was a mistake and it hurt you badly. You are a nice guy--respect that. Don't make yourself vulnerable again in the same manner. Next time this guy will do something even more outrageous, and why wouldn't he? You are showing him that you can forgive this, he will figure you can forgive even worse deeds. Not sure if you will get my logic, but that's the best explanation I can give.

Maybe take some time out and build your own confidence more...rock climbing, training for something, some sustained team effort, travel by yourself in some challenging countries...something like that? You will come out of it stronger and more sure of yourself and what you will tolerate and not tolerate, and that will manifest itself in how you conduct yourself and your interactions with others. Right now, there is a conflict between what you say you cannot tolerate (that type of humor, the disrespect of being thrown out of his house), and what you actually do tolerate (your repeated attempts to reestablish contact show you are willing to forgive/tolerate it).

You can consider all of the above to be worth EXACTLY what you paid for it.
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On that note I will kindly ask the mods to close my thread, thank you.

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Issue I had this past saturday.

texasmr2 Two Time F1 World Champ
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Issue I had this past saturday.

texasmr2 Two Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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