Joke.

LOL i will have to try that.

 

Darth and Matteo decided to rob a bank.

They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action. Darth drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob.

Darth turned to Matteo and asked him, "Now, do you remember what the plan is?"

Matteo sighed and replied, "Yeah, yeah, I remember..."

Darth went over the plan once more and let Matteo out to do his stuff. After waiting in the car for quite a bit, Matteo bursts out of the bank's doors, the alarm blaring. Matteo was lugging a bank safe behind him by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. Matteo breathed heavily as he tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. Matteo ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving. The security guard yelled, "Stop! Stop!" while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind.

Darth frantically asked Matteo, "What the hell happened in there?!?"

Matteo was panting and choked out, "What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!"

Darth paused and yelled, "YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!"

 

Steve travels to Chicago to visit NNO.

While waiting in the Airport, Steve walks up to a vending machine and puts in some coins. Sure enough, out pops a can of soda. Steve is amazed, and runs away to get some more coins.

Steve returns and starts feeding the vending machine full of more coins, and the machine keeps spitting out more cans of soda.

NNO walks up behind him and watches his antics for a few minutes before stopping him, "Do you mind get a soda?"

Steve turns and shouts, "Heck no, can't you see I'm on a winning streak!"

 

Darth arrives at Matteo's Trailer......i mean house.

There was a huge dog laying in the yard and Matteo was sitting on the porch.

"Matteo does your dog bite?" Darth asked.

Matteo looked up over his newspaper and replied, "Nope."

As soon as Darth stepped out of his car, the dog began snarling and growling, and then attacked both his arms and legs. As Darth flailed around in the dust, he yelled, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite!"

Matteo muttered, "Ain't my dog."

 

Mary lost her husband Jim, almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Steve is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world. Finally, Mary says she'd go out.

Steve and Mary go out one night.

It was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, Steve asks Mary to join him for a weekend in the Country.

Their first night there, Mary undresses as Steve does. Mary stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties; Steve in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks: "Why the black panties?"

Mary replies: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

Steve knows he's not getting lucky that night.

The following night the same scenario. Mary is standing there with the black panties on, and Steve is in his birthday suit, except that he is wearing a black condom.

Mary looks at him and asks: "What's with the black condom?"

Steve replies: "I want to offer my deepest condolences"

 

If it brightened one persons day then this thread was worth it, thanks mate.

 

Steve and Mary became too old to work their garage, and soon moved into a nursing home.
Steve and Mary usually spent their afternoons together watching television and talking to their friends on Ferrari chat.
They would often lie in bed and she would hold his penis, although she wouldn't do anything more with it.

One day, as Mary was walking down the hall, she passes the room of another female resident (Karen R.) To her surprise, she sees Steve lying on the bed and Karen R is holding his penis.

Mary storms into the room and shouts, "I thought we had something going for us! Is she better looking than me? Is she younger? What does she have that I don't?"

Steve looks up and remarks with a grin, "Parkinsons."

 

Steve comes home and asks his wife Collette where their son is. Collette replies that he's downstairs playing with his new chemistry set. Steve is curious so he wanders down stairs to see what their son is doing. As he's walking down the steps he hears a banging sound. When he gets to the bottom he sees his son pounding a nail into the wall.

Steve says to his son, "What are you doing? I thought you were playing with your chemistry set. Why are you hammering a nail into the wall?"

Steve's son replied, "This isn't a nail, dad, it's a worm. I put these chemicals on it and it became hard as a rock."

Steve thought about it for a minute and said, "I'll tell you what son, give me those chemicals and I'll give you a new Porsche."

His son quite naturally said, "Sure why not.''

The next day his son went into the garage to see his new car. Parked in the garage was a brand new Ferrari Enzo (i dont know the sin NNO). Just then Steve walked in. He asked his father where his Porsche was.

Steve replied, "It's right there behind the Ferrari. The Ferrari is from your mother."

 

One day, during class, the Second Grade teacher asked her class, "Who can tell me the meaning of indifferent?"

The class fidgets a little, and they all look at one another. No one knows. Finally, Little Steve puts up his hand.

The teacher, hesitant to call on him because of his propensity for foul language and sexual inuendo, looks for another student to ask. Finally, when no one else raises their hand, she says, "Yes, Steve?"

"It means lovely."

Relieved, but a little puzzled, the teacher says, "Steve, can you explain why you think indifferent means lovely?"

"Sure, teach. Last night when I was in bed, I heard Mommy say, 'That's lovely'. Then Daddy said, 'Yep, it's in different.'"

 

Jason mate those are great i will never look at a Volvo again without smiling.

 

An old Italian couple Darth and Matteo are walking around in the mall. After a while they get separated so Matteo goes up to the first saleswoman she sees and ask, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Darth. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers that she hasn't seen her husband.

So Matteo goes to asks another saleswoman, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Darth. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

"No, I'm sorry ma'am, I haven't seen your husband."

Matteo goes to see one more saleswoman and ask, "Escusa me, have you senn-a me Darth. He's got a big-a belly and a-lots of curly black hair?"

The saleswoman answers, "Yes, I saw him... he ran out of here lickety split."

To which Matteo answers, "No, no, no... that's not-a my Darth, he pinch-a the bum, grab-a the breasts but he no lickety split!"

 

The teacher walked into the classroom to find words like, "pus*y" and, "c*ck" scrawled all over the blackboard. She suspected Little NNO, but could not prove it.

"Children," she said, addressing the classroom, "you are much too young to use vile language like that. Now we're all going to close our eyes and count up to fifty. Then, while our eyes are closed, I want the little boy or girl who wrote those words on the board to tiptoe up and erase them."

At the signal, the teacher and the children all closed their eyes. Then the teacher counted out loud, very slowly. She peeked and saw Little NNO leave his seat. When she reached fifty, she said, "All right. Everybody open their eyes." She was very pleased with Little NNO for doing the right thing.

All eyes went to the blackboard, but none of the words were erased. Below them was the message, "Fu*k you, teacher! The Phantom strikes again!"

 

Those are great, anymore??

 

Little Steve drew a fly on the class grade book.

The teacher noticed the fly sitting on the grade book, so she smacked it with a ruler. But, the fly didn't fly away, so she smacked the grade book once again. Again, the fly didn't fly away.

This drove the teacher mad, so she started to pound the grade book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book quickly amounted to nothing more than a bunch of torn sheets of paper.

With the class laughing, the embarrassed teacher realized what had happened.

That afternoon, the teacher called Little Steve's father to school., "You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said.

"That's nothing," remarked Little Steve's father., "Last week, he drew a naked woman on the fence in our yard and I've been pulling splinters out of my dick ever since!"

 

Little Johnny L had never had sex in his life, so his buddy Darth told him that he'd take him to a girl that would teach him a few things. He agrees.

Later, Little Johnny L is in a room with the girl. She takes off her clothes, and asks him, "Do you know what I want?"

Little Johnny L says, quite honestly, "No."

She lies down on the bed, and asks him the same question again, "Now do you know what I want?"

Again Little Johnny L answers, "No."

She spreads her legs spread-eagled across the bed and asks him the same question again, "Now do you know what I want?"

Little Johhny L answers, "Yeah. You want the whole ***cin' bed to yourself."