Joke.

LMAO

A man entered a restaurant and sat at the only open table. As he sat down, he knocked the spoon off the table with his elbow. A nearby waiter quickly reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a clean spoon and set it on the table. The diner was very impressed. 'Do all the waiters carry spoons in their pockets?' he asked. The waiter replied,'Yes. Ever since we had that efficiency expert out, he determined that 17.8% of our customers knock the spoon off the table. By carrying clean spoons with us, we save trips to the kitchen.' The man proceeded to finish his meal and went to pay the waiter. As he paid he commented 'Forgive the intrusion, but do you know that you have a string hanging from your fly?' The waiter replied, 'Yes, we all do. Seems that the same efficiency expert determined that we spend too much time washing our hands after using the men's room. So, the other end of that string is tied to my penis. When I need to go, I simply pull the string, go to the bathroom, and return to work. Having never touched myself, there is no need to wash my hands. It is very efficient!' 'Wait a minute,' queried the diner, 'how do you get your penis back in your pants?' 'Well, I don't know about the other guys, but I use the spoon.'

 

A knockout blonde with a fine set of knockers complains to the doctor, "I believe I am losing my mind. I can't remember ANYTHING after five minutes!" Doctor Steve answers, in his most comforting tone, "Just take off all your clothes, miss, and lie down..."

 

A guy from Alabama was suffering from constipation, so his doctor prescribed suppositories. A week later the guy complained to the doctor that they didn't produce the desired results. 'Have you been taking them regularly?' the doctor asked. 'What do you think I've been doing,' said the man, "shoving them up my ass?'

 

Question. What's the ultimate rejection?






Answer. When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep!

 

Question. What doesn't belong in this list: Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?








Answer. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can't beat a blowjob

 

Question: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?







Answer: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.

 

LMAO Brilliant.

 

And you have been back twice a day ever since

 

Dirty Johnny says to Loose Lisa, '' Lisa, I`d really like to get into your pants!'' She says, ''Why, John?'' He says, ''Because I just went in mine!!!''

 

Little Jenny comes home from playing at Dean's house. ''Hey Mum, guess what! Dean's got a penis like a peanut!'' Mum is understandably confused for a second, then questions, ''What, you mean it's shaped like a peanut?'' ''No silly, it's salty!''

 

Theory of Relativity: If you could fly twice the speed of light, you could land on Mars, get out of your spaceship and watch yourself come. Or, cheaper way, install mirrors on your bedroom ceiling.

 

A guy is bragging about his sexual conquests and comments, "you know, I reckon I've had every woman in this town, except for my mother and my sister." to which, one of his buddies replied, "hey, how 'bout that. Between the two of us, we've had 'em all."

 

Grandma & Grandpa are sitting on the porch, when all of a sudden Grandma slaps Grandpa. ''That's for 50 years of the worst sex I've ever had.'' They're both silent for ten minutes. Then Grandpa slaps Grandma. ''That's for knowin' the difference.''

 

Lady says to her doctor, 'My husband has been complaining that my vag*na has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything.' The doctor examines her vag*na, and then says, 'There's something terribly wrong. You need an operation.' She asks, 'On my vag*na?' He says, 'No. On your nose!'