Jokes of the day...will offend everyone | FerrariChat

Jokes of the day...will offend everyone

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by maranelloman, Feb 15, 2005.

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  1. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    What is a Yankee?

    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

    The position of the dirt bag.


    Why is divorce so expensive?

    Because it's worth it.


    What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

    One US leader.


    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?

    Doughnuts.


    What do you get when you put 50 lezbians and 50 politicians
    in a room together?

    100 people who don't do ****..


    What do you call a smart blonde?

    A golden retriever.


    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

    45 lbs.


    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?

    45 minutes.


    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?

    Through his chest with a sharp knife.


    Why do men want to marry virgins?

    They can't stand criticism.


    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?

    Mace will do that to you.


    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

    Breasts don't have eyes.


    Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?

    He walks around saying "Yo."


    Why do drivers' education classes in redneck schools
    use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?

    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


    Where does an Irish fa mily go on vacation?

    A different bar


    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm
    shorter than the other?

    A speech impediment.


    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a
    northern zoo?

    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the
    front of the cage along with... "a recipe".


    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to
    say the F... word?

    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!


    What's the difference between a northern fairytale
    and a southern fairytale?

    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisschit..."



    Why is there no Disneyland in China?

    No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
     
    maranelloman, Feb 15, 2005
    #1
  2. Fan512bbi

    Fan512bbi Two Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    LMAO :D:D Brilliant, all true by the way.
     
    Fan512bbi, Feb 15, 2005
    #2
  3. UroTrash

    UroTrash Four Time F1 World Champ Consultant Owner

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    Pretty good collection. :)
     
    UroTrash, Feb 15, 2005
    #3
  4. Stratohammer

    Stratohammer Karting

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    I recognize a few of these from the last Car Talk.
     
    Stratohammer, Feb 15, 2005
    #4
  5. Jdubbya

    Jdubbya The $10 Trillion Man Silver Subscribed

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    How do you get 500 cows into one barn

    You put up a neon BINGO sign.
     
    Jdubbya, Feb 15, 2005
    #5
  6. ScuderiaWithStickPlease

    ScuderiaWithStickPlease F1 World Champ

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    Comedian last night:

    I'm banned from home . . .
     
    ScuderiaWithStickPlease, May 27, 2014
    #6
  7. staatsof

    staatsof Nine Time F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

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    You have a wife? :eek: ;)
     
    staatsof, May 27, 2014
    #7
  8. ScuderiaWithStickPlease

    ScuderiaWithStickPlease F1 World Champ

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    aka, The Boss.
     
    ScuderiaWithStickPlease, May 27, 2014
    #8
  9. Bas

    Bas Four Time F1 World Champ

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    PMS jokes aren't funny. Period.
     
    Bas, May 28, 2014
    #9
  10. staatsof

    staatsof Nine Time F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

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    That was bloody awful.
     
    staatsof, May 28, 2014
    #10
  11. ar_es

    ar_es Formula 3

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    :D
    But I'm not still offended :p


    Sent from my F430 using Tapatalk.
     
    ar_es, May 29, 2014
    #11
  12. ScuderiaWithStickPlease

    ScuderiaWithStickPlease F1 World Champ

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    One of the ways the Yankees pay tribute to former players that have passed away is to put their names up on the large display over center field during Old-Timers' Day.

    Yogi leaned over to Tino Martinez and said, "Boy, I hope I never read my name on that list."
     
    ScuderiaWithStickPlease, Jul 21, 2014
    #12
  13. palmer_md

    palmer_md Karting

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    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 7, 2017
    palmer_md, Jul 22, 2014
    #13
  14. texasmr2

    texasmr2 Two Time F1 World Champ BANNED

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    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

    Great thread for the twisted, kudos.
     
    texasmr2, Jul 22, 2014
    #14
  15. jsa330

    jsa330 F1 World Champ Silver Subscribed

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    Southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain'tgonnabelievethisschit..."

    So true.
     
    jsa330, Jul 22, 2014
    #15
  16. miketuason

    miketuason F1 World Champ Owner Silver Subscribed

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    There's actually Disneyland in Hong Kong but there's only one guy in the park,
    Yao Ming!
     
    miketuason, Jul 23, 2014
    #16
  17. drjohngober

    drjohngober Formula 3

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    Why is PMS called PMS?



    Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken
     
    drjohngober, Jul 23, 2014
    #17

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