A city boy, named Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up to the boy's house and said, "I'm sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well, then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "Ok, then, just unload the donkey here in my yard." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny said, "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit 898.00." The farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny replied, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the Chairman of Enron. ============ UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!! > Always wear clean > underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From > the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple > who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car break down in the > parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while > he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small > group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of > male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in > shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly > public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped > forward, quickly put her hand UP hi! s shorts, and tucked everything back > into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found > herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, > however, had to have three stitches in his forehead. ========= An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads,and have a pint of Guinness. After awhile, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood.... big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all.... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, has to go, after all that Guinness. He finds a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to use the wall to solve his problem. As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom." "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a back"delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens. "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away,... anywhere you want." The fellow enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen. Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he has the cop's blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and is greatly relieved. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie "That was really decent of you ... is that "British Hospitality ?" "No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy." ==================== A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam. After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however." "Oh, what is that, Doctor?" "Well, you have no nipplez." "None of the people in my tribe have nipplez," she replied. "That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine if you don't mind." She said, "OK." "First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?" She answered, "Approximately 500." "And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor. Running Doe replied, "We're called ." (I hate to do this to you) "The Indiannippleless Five Hundred!"