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Jokes of the Day...

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by maranelloman, Jun 15, 2004.

  1. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest

    A city boy, named Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

    The next day, the farmer drove up to the boy's house and said, "I'm sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well, then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "Ok, then, just unload the donkey here in my yard." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny said, "Sure I can. I just won't tell anybody he is dead."
    A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit 898.00." The farmer asked, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny replied, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."

    Kenny grew up and eventually became the Chairman of Enron.

    ============

    UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!!
    > Always wear clean
    > underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle. From
    > the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple
    > who drove their car to Walmart, only to have their car break down in the
    > parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while
    > he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small
    > group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of
    > male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in
    > shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly
    > public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped
    > forward, quickly put her hand UP hi! s shorts, and tucked everything back
    > into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
    > herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic,
    > however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

    =========

    An American tourist in London decides to skip his tour group and explore the
    city on his own. He wanders around, seeing the sights, and occasionally
    stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local
    culture, chat with the lads,and have a pint of Guinness.
    After awhile, he finds himself in a very high class neighborhood.... big,
    stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of
    all.... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS.
    He really, has to go, after all that Guinness. He finds a narrow side
    street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decides to
    use the wall to solve his problem.
    As he is unzipping, he is tapped on the shoulder by a London Bobbie, who
    says, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here you know."
    "I'm very sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really, really HAVE
    TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom."
    "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He leads him to a
    back"delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate, which he opens.
    "In there," points the Bobbie. "Whiz away,... anywhere you want." The fellow
    enters and finds himself in the most beautiful garden he has ever seen.
    Manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains,
    sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom.
    Since he has the cop's blessing, he zips down and unburdens himself and is
    greatly relieved. As he goes back through the gate, he says to the Bobbie
    "That was really decent of you ... is that "British Hospitality ?"
    "No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the
    French Embassy."

    ====================

    A young Native American woman went to a doctor for her first ever physical exam.
    After checking all of her vitals and running the usual tests, the doctor said, "Well, Running Doe, you are in fine health. I could find no problems. I did notice one anomaly, however."
    "Oh, what is that, Doctor?"
    "Well, you have no nipplez."
    "None of the people in my tribe have nipplez," she replied.
    "That is amazing," said the doctor. "I'd like to write this up for The South Carolina Journal of Medicine if you don't mind."

    She said, "OK."
    "First of all" asked the doctor, "how many people are in your tribe?"
    She answered, "Approximately 500."
    "And what is the name of your tribe?" asked the doctor.
    Running Doe replied, "We're called ."









    (I hate to do this to you)





    "The Indiannippleless Five Hundred!"
     
  2. Jerrari

    Jerrari F1 Veteran

    Jul 24, 2001
    5,458
    Michigan
    Full Name:
    Jerry Wiersma
    Why does Michael Jackson like twenty eight year olds?
    BECAUSE THERE'S TWENTY OF THEM!!
     
  3. zach_300zxTT

    zach_300zxTT Formula Junior

    Nov 28, 2003
    274
    Clemmons, NC
    Full Name:
    Zach Lindsey
    haha...that first one is good :)
     
  4. millemiglia

    millemiglia Formula Junior

    Jan 14, 2003
    925
    Stockholm, Sweden
    Full Name:
    Peter B.
    A married couple are celebrating their 20th anniversary on a nice restaurant.
    Wife: When you first saw me, what did you think?
    Husband: All I wanted to do was to suck your tits dry and f**k your brains out.
    Wife: Well, what do you think, looking at me now?
    Husband: Looks like I did a pretty good job...

    // Peter
     
  5. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
    Consultant Owner

    Jan 20, 2004
    33,425
    Purgatory
    Full Name:
    Internet Poseur
    Q. What's wrong with lawyer jokes?

    A. Lawyers don't think they're funny and other
    people don't think they're jokes.
     
  6. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,732
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    Not a joke, just kinda funny.
    I was in a meeting a couple of weeks ago. The jist of the meeting was about how we aren't making as much money as before and client complaints. {I have been there 5 months, so I felt it was a waste of my time.} 50 minutes in, I stood up and started walking to the door. I got the "where are you going?" My answer: "My a$$ has been ringing for a half hour, I though it would be rude to answer it here." That was a 2 weeks ago, so I guess somone atop the ladder thought it was funny. :)
     
  7. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
    Consultant Owner

    Jan 20, 2004
    33,425
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    That, my friend, is a good joke.
     
  8. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,584
    In front of you
    Full Name:
    BCHC
    During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our
    team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company
    canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".
    The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees.

    Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very
    hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our cleaners has
    disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The
    cannibals disavow all knowledge of the missing cleaner.

    After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the
    others: "Which of you idiots ate the cleaner?" A hand raises
    hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You fool! For
    four weeks we've been eating the Team Leaders, Managers, and Project
    Managers so no-one would notice anything, and you have to go and eat
    the cleaner!"
    ______________________________

    DL
     
  9. sjb509

    sjb509 Guest

    Probably won't believe this but Ken Lay is from the same town as my dad's family (Cabool, MO). My grandfather and Kenny's dad used to trade horses many years ago. No joke.
     
  10. 62 250 GTO

    62 250 GTO F1 Veteran

    Jan 9, 2004
    7,732
    Nova Scotia Canada
    Full Name:
    Neil
    So what you're saying is, the dead donkey story is true! OMG!
     
  11. UroTrash

    UroTrash Three Time F1 World Champ
    Consultant Owner

    Jan 20, 2004
    33,425
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    Suspecting her husband of infidelity, the woman attempted to
    put an end to it by arousing his jealousy. "What would you say
    if I told you that I've been sleeping with your best friend?"
    she asked provocatively.

    "Well," he mused, "I'd say that you're a lesbian."
     
  12. jimpo1

    jimpo1 Two Time F1 World Champ
    Silver Subscribed Owner

    Jul 30, 2001
    22,076
    Dallas, TX
    Full Name:
    Jim E
    DESERTED ISLAND

    A cruise ship going through some rough waters and ended up sinking just
    off the coast of a small deserted island. There were only three survivors two men and a woman.
    The three lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for
    men and women.
    After several years of casual sex all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having sex with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.
    It was very tragic, but the two guys managed to get through it and, after a while, nature once more took it's inevitable course. Well, a couple more years went by and the guys began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
    So...


    They buried her.
     
  13. maranelloman

    maranelloman Guest


    BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
     
  14. Auraraptor

    Auraraptor F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa Owner

    Sep 25, 2002
    11,392
    MO
    LoL
     

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