Just End It All

You could always take the Ferrari for a long drive
Cheaper than paint, vet, or therapy.

 

Hey, isn't this the going rate for a 15 minute Urologist visit anyway?

 

Turn the cellphone off and put it in the kitchen drawer, blah, blah blah......

Pull the key off the wall, blah, blah blah......

Go out into the garage, blah, blah blah......

There she is....all dressed in red, blah, blah blah......

Get in and smell the leather, blah, blah blah......

Fire up those 12 cylinders blah, blah blah......

Pull out into the crisp Autumn air, blah, blah blah......

Inhale deeply through your nose and take it all in, the smell of the car, the air, the oil, the leather, blah, blah blah......

Off down lonely mountain road, blah, blah blah......

100 miles per hour, leaving a surling wake of multicolored leaves, blah, blah blah......

A briskly run 25 mile run behind you, blah, blah blah......

Taking the long way home even faster blah, blah blah......

Man and machine, blah, blah blah......

blah, blah blah.....blah, blah blah......blah, blah blah......

Oh, sorry!

But that coulda happened for you!

 

Same thing happened to me this summer. I was on an oil rig in the middle of the Gulf of Mexico and I get the call from my frantic wife, "The dog ran out into the road and got hit by a car. She seemed fine but I took her in for x-rays just in case. She's fine." Wow, that was a $300 relief.

Now I could have a fever of 105°, be puking up all kinds of nasty stuff and have a 3rd eye growing out of my forehead and this same woman would tell me to quit my whining and take a couple of aspirin. But the dog gets diarreha and it's off to the vet with a $50 bill to find out why. I can tell you why she's got the runs for free! She ate something in the yard that neither of us would be able to identify!

 

Well it's a good thing you walked out of Sherwin Williams to save yourself that $20.. obviously you needed it for more important things.

 

I'm starting to see a trend here. I think you need to buy a Ferrari as therapy and to support it start your own "consulting" firm.

 

On the flip side, dog gets hit by car, is left to suffer for a bit then ****s its intestines out on the sofa instead of getting taken to a vet.

Whose head do you get to stick in a bag then?

 

...you could always put a lime on your head......

 

Reminds me of a joke.

Guy takes his dog to the vet, it's obviously dead, but, he wants to make sure.

The vet takes the dog into the exam room, owner comes along.

Vet listens with the stethescope.. Nothing.

Picks up a paw, checks for pulse. Nada.

Grabs a live cat from the back and waves it back and forth over the dog. No reaction at all.

Pronounces the dog dead, as suspected.

Takes the owner out to the front desk and writes up the bill, it's $1400.

Owner freaks, wants an explanation.

Vet replies, "Well, it's $300 for the regular exam and $1100 for the CAT scan."


Ba dum bum. I'm here all week. Don't forget to tip your waitress.

DM

 

You guys are cold. Funny, but cold.