News

Long Island Driving Rules...

Discussion in 'New York Tri-State' started by 134282, Dec 22, 2003.

  1. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    Long Island Driving Rules


    1. A right-lane construction closure is just a game to see how many
    people can cut in line by passing you on the right as you sit in
    the
    left lane waiting for the same drivers to squeeze their way back in
    before hitting the orange construction barrels.


    2. Turn signals will give away your next move. A real Long Island
    driver never uses them. Use of them in Massapequa may be illegal.


    3. Under no circumstances should you leave a safe distance between
    you and the car in front of you, or the space will be filled in by
    somebody else putting you in an even more dangerous situation.


    4. Crossing two or more lanes in a single lane-change is considered
    "going with the flow."


    5. The faster you drive through a red light, the smaller the chance
    you have of getting hit.


    6. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive
    bodywork.


    7. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure
    that
    your ABS kicks in, giving a nice, relaxing foot massage as the
    brake
    pedal pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
    stretch your legs.


    8. Construction signs warn you about road closures immediately after
    you pass the last exit before the backup.


    9. Electronic traffic warning signs are not there to provide useful
    information. They are only there to make Long Island look
    high-tech,
    and to distract you from seeing the state police radar car parked
    on
    the median.


    10. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right.


    11. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as suggestions,
    and are apparently not enforceable during rush hour.


    12. Just because you're in the left lane and have no room to speed
    up
    or move over doesn't mean that a Long Island driver flashing his
    high
    beams behind you doesn't think he can go faster in your spot.


    13. Always slow down and rubberneck when you see an accident, or
    even
    if someone is just changing a tire.


    14. Throwing litter on the roads adds color to the landscape and
    gives Adopt-a-Highway crews something to clean up.


    15. It is assumed that state police cars passing at high speed may
    be
    followed in the event you need to make up a few minutes on your way
    to work, or the beach.


    16. Learn to swerve abruptly. Long Island is the home of high-speed
    slalom driving thanks to potholes.


    17. It is traditional in Long Island to honk your horn at cars that
    don't move the instant the light changes.


    18. Seeking eye contact with another driver revokes your right of
    way, except in Garden City where it acts as an invitation to duel
    or
    play chicken.


    19. Never take a green light at face value. Always look right and
    left before proceeding. In Long Island it is common to stop and
    then
    decide which direction to turn.


    20. Remember that the goal of every Long Island driver is to get
    there first, by whatever means necessary.


    21. Real Long Island female drivers can put on pantyhose, apply eye
    makeup, and balance the checkbook at seventy-five miles per hour,
    during a snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic.


    22. Real Long Island male drivers can take off pantyhose, unsnap a
    bra
    with one flick of their wrist at seventy-five miles per hour during
    a
    snowstorm in bumper-to-bumper traffic.


    23. Heavy snow, ice, fog, and rain are no reasons to change any of
    the previously listed rules. These weather conditions are God's way
    of insuring a natural selection process for body shops, junkyards,
    and new vehicle sales.
     
  2. Ed P.

    Ed P. Formula 3

    Dec 28, 2002
    2,177
    Long Island
    Full Name:
    No Longer
    DES, Those are all true...lol. I noticed a strange phenomenon during the blackout a few months back. It seems that when a traffic signal stops working, Long Island drivers assume that it is considered green in the direction they are travelling. On top of that, not only did the traffic signals stop working, but somehow so did the "stop" signs.
     
  3. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    Ed - LMAO...! So true...!

    Hey, how come you didn't go to Ferretti's party...? i was looking forward to meeting a few more Island folks like you, Barney Guzzo, etc....
     
  4. Ed P.

    Ed P. Formula 3

    Dec 28, 2002
    2,177
    Long Island
    Full Name:
    No Longer
    I would have liked to have gone, but a family obligation kept me from attending. Sounds like it was nice, and you all had a great time. Dave White and I did go for a drive yesterday. We were hoping to have a few others join us. I'm sure we'll all eventually meet, I know Sam is already talking about a spring run. In the mean time if we're able to sneak out for a drive on a sunday morning or something you should try to join us.
     
  5. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    i would most certainly LOVE to... If it's all right with everyone else going, please let me know the next time you all go out... i'd love to join you...
    Sorry you couldn't make it to the party; i hope your family obligation was not a bad one... Have an awesome holiday, Ed...! :)
     

Share This Page