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Lunch counter........

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by darth550, Jan 1, 2004.

  1. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
    Lifetime Rossa

    Jul 14, 2003
    58,253
    With Stu
    Full Name:
    St Mark
    A guy walks into a pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

    -------------------------------
    Cheese Sandwich: $1.50
    Chicken Sandwich: $2.50
    Hand Job: $10.00
    -------------------------------

    Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar
    and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive blondes serving
    drinks to an eager-looking group of men.

    "Yes?" she enquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

    "I was wondering", whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the hand-
    jobs?"

    "Yes" she purrs "I am."

    The man replies "Well wash your f@!*ing hands, I want a cheese sandwich!"

    _____________________________________________

    DL
     
  2. tonyh

    tonyh F1 World Champ
    Owner Lifetime Rossa

    Dec 23, 2002
    14,372
    S W London
    Full Name:
    Tony H
    Morning DL , Happy New Year. A few other jokes to kick off New Year...




    This gal walks into the drugstore and tells the pharmacist she wants to buy some arsenic.
    He says, "What do you want with arsenic?"
    She said "I want to kill my husband because he cheats on me by having sex with another woman."
    The pharmacist says, "I can't sell you arsenic so you can kill your husband lady, even if he is having sex with another woman."
    So she reaches into her pocket and pulls out a picture of her husband having sex with the pharmacist's wife.
    The pharmacist says "Oh, I didn't realise you had a prescription."

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------





    Women...

    Top Ten Things Men Understand About Women
    1.
    2.
    3.
    4.
    5.
    6.
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    8.
    9.
    10.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

    The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

    The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this: When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat under a sweets sign that said, "The Double Mint Twins are Coming" and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, "Logan's Liniment will reduce the swelling", and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, "William's Big Stick Did the Trick", and I could hardly contain myself. BUT, your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, "Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident".. I just lost it."



    -----------------------------------------------------------------------
    A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.
    A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word.
    As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?"
    "No," the woman replies. "I work for the IRS."
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------
    A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."
    "Really," answered the neighbor. "What kind is it?"
    "Twelve thirty."



    ---------------------------------------------------------------------

    There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them...



    ---------------------------------------------------------------------







    Mother of Six

    A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife, "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
    One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of six?"
    His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts right back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!
    ---------------------------------------------------------------------
     
  3. wax

    wax Four Time F1 World Champ
    Advising Moderator

    Jul 20, 2003
    42,122
    SFPD
    Full Name:
    Dirty Harry
    That's a true story. Trust me.
    (Today's factoid: I've worn hearing aids for over 40 years - longer than WilliamH has been alive.)
     
  4. 134282

    134282 Four Time F1 World Champ

    Aug 3, 2002
    40,617
    California
    Full Name:
    Carbon McCoy
    ROTFLMAO...!!! These are all great... Darth, yours and Tony's 1st one were the best...
     

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