Message In A Bottle

1986 Mondial compared to 2015 Vette [its a story!]

I believe this is good story, a long story, and it might be worth the time. I did not go to the local Chevy dealer to test drive a Corvette. I went there to test drive a 2.0 turbo. ANY 2.0 turbo because my real interest was in a 2.0 Cadillac ATS and the nearest Caddy dealer was near Chattanooga about a four hour round trip drive. Its where I bought my 2007 CTS with handling package.

DIGRESSION ONE: Within a year I rolled that CTS upside down an backwards over a local 15 foot cliff. I am responsible because, although I had clearly ascertained and somewhat understood the treachery of those early stability controls I continued to drive smugly as if I was still in charge of the car. HAW! I remember as the trees scraped by upside down and backwards thinking DAMN, I am going to need an entire new paint job, and was becoming grumpy at the fact. I came to rest uninjured, not one single airbag deployed, but perplexed about getting out of an upside down car.

I know not of any reasonable way to practice this maneouver. Luckily the electric window still worked - the driver door was bent shut and the passenger door was more or less buried in dirt. So I unbuckled the seat belt, not in itself what might at first thought seem a daily and mindless thing to do. But upside down muscle memory may be a bit out of calibration. And the release was something of a theme park ride in and of itself.

The Caddy was, of course totalled; not one single surface was even remotely repaintable. The spot where I left the road now includes a new wooden cross marking where three teenage girls had gone off at the same place and drowned upside down in the creek a mere 30 feet from my resting place. In fact the original of that cross was actually stuck in the creek quite close to were I finally came to rest. And it was about the first thing I noticed climbing up the cliff. I am not one to ignore such coincidences. END DIGRESSION ONE.

I tell people I live out in the mountain boondocks though it is easy to see why they might not be convinced. After all, its only 2 hours drive to downtown Atlanta, four lanes all the way, and fast driving too! In addition, we are a significant tourist area with riding stables, several golf courses, and one of the more beautiful mountain lakes east of the Mississippi. I have explored every one of its 175 mile shoreling several times. In places you would be forgiven thinking you are someplace in Canada since not one single boat or human construction might be seen! Actually its easy to get lost. I tell people if you really feel lost just wait till night. The place lights up like Hampton Roades.

A better measure of my 'remoteness' is the Chevy dealer had not one single 2.0t in ANY of the several vehicles I believe it to be offered in Camaros, Malibus and Impalas! How is this even possible, I said to myself. "Please check your inventory again?" "No, not one 2.0t of any kind." So out of simple exasperation I asked to test drive a 2015 Vette (C7 in Vette lingo; as opposed to C versions running 1-7 from the 1950's on into the present era.) It was parked outside. The inside pride of place belonged to an 1965 restored Chevy pickup truck. Which to a guy like me is actual something of warm and fuzzy nostalgia.

I am no stranger to Vettes. Back in my day they were similar in driving dynamics to my 1984 Z-28 Camaro. In fact, I hopped a ride in a Calloway Twin Turbo version at a charity autocross event back in the 1980's. So know something of what I speak. I suspect Europeans might not have had, and perhaps still do not understand Detroit Iron. When Italians were waiting in line for Fiat 500s, when Americans were importing VW Beatles by the bakers gross dozens, American working class teenagers, sort of like me, were scavenging monster V-8s for perhaps, $75 dollars from any local scrap yard.

After-market hot rodding companies had been in existence for an entire generation before us! Not unsurprisingly these engines were used primarily for drag racing. A very very inexpensive thrill anyone could afford since the winners were defined by what they SAID their car cloud do in the 1/4 mile versus what they actually did. In other words you could lose by going TO fast. Accordingly, you gained SOME status by moving up into a slightly faster class, or could gain greater status by winning in your own class. One of the Beach Boys songs, I think, refers to a Trophy Run. The only Trophy I ever won was a Trophy Run. It refers a drag race WITHOUT an eligible competitor.

I will get back to my Corvette test drive in a moment. However, I am old, and in my old age and advanced state of decline I claim the tribal elders perogative to drone on about the 'old days'. I do this by way of informing todays clearly ignorant youth in a similar manner in which my elders informed some of us, ah, well, (a long time ago). Detroit Iron was seldom compared to European Iron; the Jaguar XKE being a VERY notable exception. Lyrics from Dead Mans Curve by Jan and Dean

"I was cruisin' in my Stingray late one night
When an XKE pulled up on the right
And rolled down the window of his shiny new Jag
And challenged me then and there to a drag

"I said, You're on, buddy, my mill's runnin' fine
Let's come off the line now, at Sunset and Vine
But I'll throw you one better if you've got the nerve
Let's race all the way
To Dead Man's Curve

"Dead Man's Curve, it's no place to play
Dead Man's Curve, you best keep away
Dead Man's Curve, I can hear 'em say
Won't come back from Dead Man's Curve

"The street was deserted late Friday night
We were buggin' each other while we sat out the light
We both popped the clutch when the light turned green
You should of heard the whine from my screamin' machine

I flew past LaBrea, Schwab's, and Crescent Heights
And all the Jag could see were my six tail lights
He passed me at Doheny then I started to swerve
But I pulled her out and there I was
At Dead Man's Curve

Dead Man's Curve, it's no place to play
Dead Man's Curve

Well, the last thing I remember, Doc, I started to swerve
And then I saw the Jag slide into the curve
I know I'll never forget that horrible sight
I guess I found out for myself that everyone was right
Won't come back from Dead Man's Curve"

Me? I feel a beer break coming on. But I will finish up with my test drive. I realize now this story should be better presented as a ballad! The next installment should be as interesting if much less lethal. After all, I have the elders wisdom [chuckle] to add to this discussion of evolution of Detroit Iron over the last thirty years.

Teaser Summit Point: My 1984 $13,000 Z-28 did truly run down each and every naturally aspirated 944 (no turbos available - perhaps all crashed previously on decreasing radius curves?) In the hands of pro drivers out ran the venerable 928 S. Hence the separate evolution of working class Detroit Iron and European Elite Iron. For what is a 928S but an aristocrat to the Z-28 proletariat?

To be continued.

 

Message In A Bottle Two

I did truely and vigorously test drive a used 2015 Z-52. Not much used: less then 1,000 miles. I obtained a copy of the original window sticker. Base price $59,000; 2LT package ($4,100); There are three packages. LT1, LT2 LT3 and perhaps an LT4. The Z-52 handling option brought the total option package up to a sticker price $71,565. The Z-52 package is a separate option, apparently, even on the base model. Apparently Vettes can be had at very much higher prices. For instance the Z-06 seems to be an entirely different car vaguely based on the normal Vette. None of these expensive Vettes are of much interest me unless they actually provide a noticeable and usable road advantage to my sort of driving.

The above discussion is in and off itself a digression. That is because I had driven the previous C6 version. I did not like much anything about it. The steering had good straight line stability. And of course it had power. But the seating cockpit was traditional Vette. Sort of like sitting in a fox hole. The forward visibility was fine enough. But tellingly, not inspiring such as other cars have been to me. The Mondial for instance. My 1988 Mark VII. Even my 1965 Corvair Monza Convertible.

My buddy at the time had a C6 Vette and he liked it because it was very comfortable on long interstate drives and got 29 mpg. So I was not expecting much in the Vette. There was one notable exception from the introduction of the C-7 version however. Both my buddy and me did not at first recognize it as a Vette. We both, and separately, had mistaken it for something from Itally. Probably a Ferarri of some sort. WHAT? Vettes are supposed to look like VETTES. He-man anvils! On closer look we could see the Vette heritage. Sort of like a Corvette and Sophia Loren had a love child. hmmm. Thats sort of weird. LOOKS good though.

Neither one of us thought much beyond that. We had heard vague rumors it was better then the last one. But that has been the mantra for the last forty years. Every last one of them was supposed to be the all time best. Perhaps they were the best ever at the time. Whatever that meant anyway. Vettes just simply continued to do what they had ever done and that was kick ass. For instance Jeremy Clark seems to have momentarily lost his mind over one or another of the earlier Vettes exclaiming "I have a Child!".

That particular Vette was put up against one or another Ferarri that cost 100,000 'lbs' more then the Vettes 80,000 'lbs' price. He said the Vette was faster but not street driveable. That of course would be critical to Ferrari owners who never much drive on the streets to begin with. For instance, my buddy's neighbor has a recent Ferrari of one type or another. (I never was able to elicit an adeqaute identification) but hates it. It just sits there. I offered to, at the owners expense, fly out to Oregon to exercise his investment once or twice a year but he demurred.

So lets get back to my test drive. OK, the Vette really really looked good. Vettes have always looked OK, and they always looked like Vettes, but this one was, well, hard to describe. Upon close examination it is recognizably a Vette. But are Verttes supposed to look THIS good? hmmm. OK. I am a sucker for a good curve here and there. So I dropped my sorry butt into the driver seat not expecting much other then to be able to, upon request, seriously kick butt. Which is to my liking here in the mountains. (I have NEVER been passed on Blood Mountain, even by supersonic Japanese Terrorist bikes whose riders did not know their braking as they should have known.)

I sat my butt down and immediated thought to myself: "Self, What The F***...!" Now this requires some explanation. Forward visibility, cockpit, hood, fenders and front road view are for artists to create. Has NOTHING to do with kicking butt. As stated above the 1988 MKVII has this in spades. Sort of what you might extect from a RR or Bently. And from OUTSIDE as well. The MK VII is one of very few designs that stand the test of time. The Mondial has this artistry as well. In addition it has the symphony of engine. It is, shall we say, not only theatrical but memorable. I easily impress the living hell out of any first time passenger by going to 3,500 in first then going to 6,500 in second, bang sifting third and lifting at about 7,000 rpm.

This is not even 90 mph! My last first time passenger gasped "Dave! Dave!" Then said it seemed like 1,000 mph! This is why I have long obtained the Mondia has just a bit of smoke and mirrors about it.... So back to the test drive. Before driving I tested many of the various gizmos. I very much liked the rear camera. It presented a grid pattern out back that changed to show what you would encountered if you turned the steering wheel in THAT direction v. THAT OTHER direction. This is important to me for I am infamous for backing almost each and every car I have ever owned into something or other. Only the Ferrari has so far avoided this ignominious fate.

And the climate control was to my liking. This seems superflous since the Ferrari has no A/C at all and I drive it in full hot 90F Summer conditions in the low humidity here in the mountains. That is beside the point. Most climate control systems have been designed by descendants of the Torquemada of Spanish Inquisition fame. The CTS was the worst. Freeze my ballls, my forearms, my knee caps. Never invisible. I drove the 1988 MK VII in dead Winter from Chicago to full Summer in Georgia and never noticed.

And the cockpit fit me like a fine glove. My benchmark is the MK VII where both elbows and forearms have comfortable leather to encounter. But the Vette was just a weee bit nicer snugger. Now this is getting serious. Getting lap dance serious. Keep an open eye on THIS *****! And the ONLY seat I have ever sat in that contacted my entire back at one time. In principle it is very much like the infamous Mondial seat which I do not find infamous at all. But with more 'caress' on each and every edge. Lap dance indeed.....

OK. I have put the Mondial at night through a Burger King drive through and ran in terror from all the young women who did, well, seriously flirty things I have described in other places. So I can handle a seductive car interior well enough. In short, the outward view and seating very much reminded me of my rather otherwise crude Mondial. And, more or less, so did the exhaust note.

This is an interesting comparison because both are rather clearly enginered for the effect. In fact, the Vette is more honest in this regard then some modern Bimmers that actually use Base Speakers to enhance their exhaust sound. The Vette has actual solenoids to open the exhaust or something and in all and useless truth increase horse power by, I think, six. From something like 455 to a proud 460. At least it an honest sound. As is the Ferrari. Its just the sound it actually makes. I find this commendable. Even if I would actually unplug it in any Corvette I actually might ever own. The 'Touring Exhaust' is plenty enough for me.

Bare with me now, because this exposition might develop into something surprising to some people. But more about that later. The seductive thing to me about this Vette was the very artistic forward presentation and the extreemely acurate steering. The best I haver ever driven. This Vette, like so many modern cars are very wide. I think it might be six inches wider then the Mondial. I never even noticed. Any car requires a width of road within whatever its natural left to right drift might be. In this car there was no drift. In short, I felt like Luke Skywalker driving an X-Wing fighter or whatever, and never even pushed it.

Which is another interesting thing. This is the first car where it was absolutely obvious to me it is way beyond my driving capacity. The Mondial, the Z-28, the super charged and suspension prepped MK VII all exist withing a driving envelope I have actually and repeatedly experienced. I see no fracking way I could ever find a public space where I would feel responsible probing the limits of this thing. Which does not mean it would not be satisfying. I think I would take my 12 mile 65 turn Ferrari paradise run by locking the Vette in something like fourth gear. I want to floor the accelerator! And not kill anyone, especially me!

Now here is the finally interesting thing. I decided to drive the Mondial, which has been sitting in the second carport for months as me and my buddy have been screwing with heads and superchargers on the 1988 MK VII, to the Chevy place to see what would be a trade in. Between the various MK VII configurations and the recent Vette test drive I do not have a recent history of driving dogs.

And so it was with much surprise and pleasure how sprightly and satisfying the Mondial still is! And I took the Chevy salesman out for some 90 mph hard runs from 1st to 2nd and 3rd and impressed both myself and him (in various shades of light green) along the way. Mostly I was impressed with how satisfying this supposedly rather slow car is. It is true that I suspect this Mondial is, in fact, faster then most. This can be tested for real because I have five actual 1/2 mile runs that were all in about the 115 mph. [And VERY interestingly and with much relief I learned from actual tests that the fastest rpm shift is 6,000 rpm.]

I REPEAT. I deliberately shifted the first run at 7,500 rpm then 7,000 then 6,500 then 6,000. The fastest speed of the day was 114.86 mph using 6,000 rpm. All the others were within about 1.5 mph so if you want to be theatrical at near 8,000 rpms you won't loose all that much time. You might, however, like ME, lose your entire clutch system.

The final summary of all this is that even if I get a C-7 Vette I see little reason to get rid of the Mondial to do so. Unless of course its value doubles which it will not do. It has 55,000 miles on it and despite the fact it runs like a scalded rabbit, has all new CV Joints, all new (not rebuilt) Bosch starter with intermediate solinoid, entirely rebuilt hydraulic clutch system and a working sun roof.

Take today for instance. Returning from the Chevy dealer, who made no offer for the Mondial. The salesman was, well, taken with it. One guy at my beer stop ran out to take a photo and thumbed up "Beautiful" car. I then stopped at the local Ingles to pick up some red potatos and a family in a streatched cab pickup truck complimented me and said "I bet you get lots of young women!" I grinned and, truthfully told him I had stopped using Burger King drive throughs because they were becomming a menace to me. And THAT is NOT an exageration. I no longer envy Tom Cruize.

But all those smiles, giggles, and thumbs up are ... well, are they priceless perhaps?