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Mid Life Crisis..I think I figured it out!

Discussion in 'Other Off Topic Forum' started by PeterS, Mar 6, 2004.

  1. PeterS

    PeterS Three Time F1 World Champ
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    This happens around 40-45..Why? Because at about this age, we can afford the things that guys are suposed to have at this age! Comments?
     
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  3. JSinNOLA

    JSinNOLA F1 World Champ
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    That is gonna be my rationale when the time comes. In all honesty, it makes perfect sense to me.
     
  4. SrfCity

    SrfCity F1 Veteran

    Nov 1, 2003
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    Maybe we finally realize at around that age that there is nothing wrong with looking after "me." Let's call it a dose of reality.
     
  5. darth550

    darth550 Five Time F1 World Champ
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    Flip side: I'm 39, feel young and I act on my impulses anyway. I did it when I was 30 and I'll probably do it when I'm 50. I suppose if and when I start to feel old, I'll just go out and buy a Harley, a Rottweiler, an offshore powerboat, 25,000 shares of Pfizer and drive the share price up by myself!

    DL
     
  6. larz

    larz Rookie

    Feb 27, 2004
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    I read an article that midlife crisis is less common then believed. Instead a lot of people from ages 40 to 53 just sensed they were aging. The article says, "Many people at midlife use the so-called midlife crisis as a tool for constructing meaning in their lives. They see this time as a time to catch up to where they would like to be or expected to be when they were younger"

    Here's some useful info on midlife crisis from a book I read, it's long:

    Definition of a midlife crisis is a crisis that may be experienced in middle age involving frustration, panic, and feelings of pointlessness, sometimes resulting in radical and often ill-advised changes of lifestyle

    Basically some of the signs in a committed relationship are you are always fighting. Or you just don't act like yourself anymore. You do not like your job. You want to sell the house and get a little place in the mountains or a sailboat and sail to the islands. The wife or GF is too fat or too thin or too short or too tall. You do not like being home. You want a sportier car (hint, hint). You change your hair style, start a diet and joins the local gym. You say your clothes are too old. You'll tell the wife or GF you and he have grown apart. He needs time to think about 'things.' You want your space. You want something but you don't know what. You want a divorce.

    Women for the most part have been trained to take care of other people, to be responsible for their well-being, to make things run smoothly. You have been taught when relationships don't go well it is your responsibility to correct the situation. You look inside yourself for the answers.

    Unfortunatley during a midlife crisis, you won't be able to correct the situation—the answers must come from the guy. Can't change his behavior. If you think you can change his behavior by changing yourself, you are in for a lot of anger and disappointment. This issue is not about you, it is all about him.

    Men are expected to hide their emotions but that doesn't mean the emotions don't exist—they're buried deep in the recesses of how 'real men' act. Men and women are from the same planet, no matter how alien the male of the species seems when he's plowing through his midlife crisis. When you get angry it is okay for you to express that anger but "society" says he must be in control no matter the situation. Because he appears in control of his emotions it is easy to believe that he is unfeeling but even the most grown-up men sometimes have a need to cry. Unfortunately, it's just not allowed.

    His Financial Image
    Society measures the worth and success of a man by how much money he has and makes. If he isn't making the kind of money he thinks he should, he will be angry at the obstacles he believes are standing in his way. He may believe his family responsibilities are holding him back.

    He needs more affection now and may reach out to you. If you respond with surprise or rejection because you don't understand this new behavior, he may find the affection and affirmation of his desirability in the arms of a girlfriend. Nothing personal, you understand, he doesn't know what he's doing. And he certainly doesn't mean to hurt you. During midlife crisis a man will do many things he wouldn't have done before.

    He's scared of dying. His friends may be developing illnesses, some may have already died. He's afraid. He's resentful, frustrated and depressed. He feels trapped by his responsibility to provide for his family. He's locked into a job or career that he no longer enjoys because he must keep the kids in college and make payments on the house and car.

    He may resent the fact he cannot make the choices that so many women can as far as choosing whether or not they want to work and at what. He needs a long break from responsibility but he knows that is an impossibility. If he stops, he loses everything he has worked so hard for, but, if he doesn't stop, there is a good chance he will lose it anyway. He's trapped. How he reacts to this extreme pressure cannot be predicted. Rest assured, though, he will react.

    What Can You Do?
    The crisis will not end in a week or two. It may take years to get resolved. You will need patience to let him learn to cope with the new feelings and emotions that are occurring in his life. You cannot do this for him nor can you demand that he seek counseling or talk the problem through with you. You may suggest it but you cannot demand it. It will do no good. It's important that you understand and accept the fact that it is his problem, not your fault. Don't take the responsibility for his pain and suffering.

    Give him space. No matter how insecure you're feeling, don't cling, berate, belittle or try to push him in a direction he doesn't want to go. If he wants more time than usual to be by himself or with his fishing or golfing buddies, don't complain about how little time he's spending with you. He's trying to think his problems through and he'll find a way regardless of what you say or do.

    Now is the time you must develop yourself as an independent person. You must take responsibility for yourself and your happiness without depending on him for the closeness and intimacy that he probably is unable to give right now. Plan things without him. Depend upon yourself, not him. Allow him to do the same.
     
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  8. PeterS

    PeterS Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Darth: Well stated....

    Ps: What the hell is that new avitar? I can't make out the pic
     
  9. noony

    noony F1 Veteran

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    Darth Vadar??? :p
     
  10. WILLIAM H

    WILLIAM H Three Time F1 World Champ

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    I hope its not true since I got my 1st Ferrari, 308QV GTS, at 25, means I'll be dead at 50 :( That would suck
     
  11. Texas Forever

    Texas Forever Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Don't you have to grow up first????

    Dr "I'm 22 and I don't mind dying" Tax
     
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  13. tjacoby

    tjacoby F1 Rookie

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    I'm closing in on 40 this year, and have told my wife that I need to research this mid-life crisis thing. Except for the mistress thing, I want to make sure I don't miss out on any of the good stuff. I kinda figure a Fcar is a good place to start. But I have been warming up to this important era of playtime for a while now.
     
  14. PeterS

    PeterS Three Time F1 World Champ
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    Dr. Tax...Tell me where you were going with yoru statement.
     
  15. 96impalaSS

    96impalaSS F1 Rookie

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    The only plus side of waiting till your in your 40's to have the crisis it seams to me to be, is that you actually have the money for it by then in most cases. I say your never to young to start though ya know, live everyday like its your last.
     
  16. atheyg

    atheyg Guest

    I don't think is has to do with financial status of being able to afford the toys at that age, its the realization this is your life and how its going to be, and many take a hard look at themselves and want to make changes.

    I just turned 39 and I think I have been having a mid life crisis since turning 30, I'm used to it now.
     
  17. LAfun2

    LAfun2 F1 Veteran

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    Darth,

    Well said as always. However at 30 people say you are following your impulse. If you make the same decision at 50, people say you are having a mid life crisis. What is up with that?

    Example: 25 year old with Ferrari=no one says anything

    50 year old with Ferrari=small penis and mid life crisis.

    BIG ROLLEYES

    That is just plain stupid. Double standard is inherently sewn into our society.
     
  18. Texas Forever

    Texas Forever Four Time F1 World Champ
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    Well, how can you have a mid-life crisis if you never grow up?
     
  19. PeterS

    PeterS Three Time F1 World Champ
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    As in ME or people in general?
     
  20. LAfun2

    LAfun2 F1 Veteran

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    I think DR Tax is talking about in general and speaking specially of himself in particular. I remember reading in a few threads where he mentions he is still a kid at heart. :)
     
  21. ChrisfromRI

    ChrisfromRI Karting

    Jan 28, 2003
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    Reminds me of a quote:

    "I'm gonna get my kicks before the whole sh*t-house goes up in flames", Jim Morrison (the Doors)

    Unfortunately he should have paced himself a little better...

    Kind Regards, Chris
     
  22. Ronin

    Ronin Rookie

    Feb 18, 2004
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    I don't worry about those things because I have to get a life before I go through the crisis....lol
     
  23. jimj123

    jimj123 Rookie

    Nov 10, 2003
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    If, because of a midlife crisis, you have a fling with some teenage airhead and end up losing your house and kids in the divorce, that's a bad thing. But if a midlife crisis motivates you to get out of a dead end job or pursue old goals more vigorously if could have positive results. And of course there's nothing wrong with going out and buying an F car to tool around in.
     
  24. writerguy

    writerguy F1 Veteran

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    Doctor Tax.... If you are 22 you look like ****
     
  25. LAfun2

    LAfun2 F1 Veteran

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    Make sure she is 18+ and you do not get caught. ;) Do it while you are in a diff town for business, the wife should never know. :D
     

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